Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Confession time - I'm not a newborn person

The Graco DuoRider - this is their maiden journey
(oh, that's my MIL)
It was freezing here in Jhb on Sunday

Kendra - look at the cute mouth

and Connor - I love his expressions with those eyes and Nat, yes, the dummy!

So I mentioned in the last post how I'm not loving the newborn stage. You might have got a hint from this post :)

The babies are 13 weeks old now (exactly 3 months today) and now I can finally say I'm enjoying them.

Still not in that "oh I can't believe how wonderful my life is; my baby has totally fulfilled me" way. But I find I look forward to seeing them wake up, especially when they sleep a bit longer than usual. And they're starting to develop some personality. I'm all about the personality!

If anyone else is in the same boat, I'd say I first started enjoying this motherhood lark at around 10 weeks or so....

I used to say to D, "oh I wish I could go to work and leave you here with the babies" or when he said he'd missed them, I'd tell him "you are absolutely crazy!" and he still says I will see when I go back to work.

But there's a difference between loving the babies and loving the experience.

Before we knew we'd have to go through all this drama to have a baby (or two), I used to say to D that it would be lovely if babies could just arrive at two years.

They're so lovely at that age - personalities, independence, cuteness :)

My babies have a baby friend who was born a day earlier and also spent 27 days in NICU like Kendra did. The mother and I have been keeping in touch, very sporadically, but she left me a voicemail message a week ago and I managed to return her call on Sunday.

Well, that phone call was so healing.

She wanted to know if I'm loving this, if I'm depressed, do I also pray for them to just sleep? Etc, etc.

We had a lovely chat - no, I'm not depressed and am not on any AD's, but no, I don't love this and yes, I literally do pray for them to sleep.

She was so relieved to know that she's not weird for not loving this motherhood thing and wanting to go back to work.

I'm always glad to encourage others, because mothers of singletons always say to me, "at least I don't have two!" with GLEE in their voices. And then I think of triplet moms and think, "at least I don't have three!" :)

How could people love the sleep deprivation when you literally forget how to talk and string a sentence together?!

(I've even been extending my coaching sessions with my clients because I realise I'm not as articulate as I should be).

But why don't people talk about this?

I've now accepted the fact that I'm just not a newborn person and am okay with that.

Are you?


  1. I'm FINE with that! I couldn't stand that stage...

  2. I like to think I survived. I fortunate to have somewhat well behaved newborns if there is such a thing. With DH going back to work so soon I was on an assembly line so it's pretty much all a blur. I'm so with you though on personalities. I LOVE seeing them become individuals. their cries have just started to change and are more "voice-y" now, it's great. My next wish is sitting. Life will be SOOOO much easier when they can sit. To think just a month ago it was hold their head up....

  3. And is it just me or do you and your MIL look alike?? Maybe it's the picture...

    And how do you like a side by side stroller? I opted for the super long tandem stroller so we could fit through doorways. I think either way they are a necessary pain!

  4. Amen! I am SO glad to hear things are getting better.

    I tell friends who are pregnant to do their best to enjoy even the hard newborn moments and the middle of the night feedings, because they are gone before you know it! Looking back, those first three months will be a tiny blip on the screen.

  5. I'm going to take Deanna's advice on this one ;)

    I think I spent so long worrying about getting our daughter here safely that I didn't give much (any) time to the realities of having a newborn. That, combined with the shock of being at home all day with a baby, after working in the fast paced corporate world is, for me, where I think the shock comes from. It does feel an awful lot like Groundhog Day.

    However, in saying that, she is just starting to smile and loves to cuddle and I am trying desperately hard to keep in mind that she's growing so fast (already into "medium" diapers - that's my yardstick) that I need to really treasure these moments.

  6. Mandibula, you DO have good kids which is a bonus! Yes, how quickly we wish for the next milestone and the next :)

    I love my side-by-side pram – I tested most of the twin prams when still heavily pregnant and this one was the easiest to handle as well as looking cute! Cute is a factor for me, as D says I’m shallow!

    Nooooo, I don’t think we look alike at all. It’s just the distance.

  7. Saffy, I can SOOOOOO relate. I was also too focussed on “Getting to 36 Weeks” to concern myself with newborns. I am missing the buzz of work, no question. At least the business is ensuring that my brain doesn’t totally atrophy!

    Yayy to little Minx – K is still in Pampers 1 – that little bum is so small I don’t know when she’ll get into 2. Connor’s in 2 and will be out into the next size probably in the next month!

  8. Rebecca, thanks for saying that. You got through and I will too!

    You are right, Deanna. I looked at pics of Connor at 3 weeks and he looks SO tiny, almost a different baby. Time does go quickly!

  9. **But there's a difference between loving the babies and loving the experience.**

    This statement is completely true. The first two months for me were happy, but hard. I was nervous about what I was going to do with the babies all day while my husband was working. We went through a stage where the boys wanted to be held constantly, and that was all that I could It wasn't fun. It was challenging. I can say that after the boys started sleeping through the night, things became much easier for me. For one thing, I wasn't sleep-deprived and felt like I actually had some energy to deal with their afternoon fussiness. Hang in there sweetie, you definitely aren't alone. xo

  10. they're so adorable in their little bundled up outfits- and so far so good with the newborn stage- but ask me again in 3 weeks or sooooo

  11. Thanks, Jennifer! You’re so right – when you sleep better the whole world looks brighter.

    BTW, since you posted about heating bottles in the microwave, I’ve tried it and am now doing it daily! My husband just about freaks out.

    T, you SOOOO are a newborn person. You are the poster child for motherhood :)

  12. I can so relate to your post's and your readers comments. The newborn stage is exactly like groundhog day...everyday runs right into the next with the same exact routine. If you go back a few posts on my blog I talk about the depression that I had and the sleep was a VERY tough time. I did not enjoy it. However,I found myself thinking the other day "i love my life"..I couldn't believe it, I never thought I would feel that way. But, they are sleeping 10+ hours which helps in so many ways and they are becoming more human like :-) which makes a world of difference. My boys will be 4 months old on Tuesday and the difference from 2 months ago is 100%.
    So, you asked about me staying was a tough decision for awhile cause I was so miserable. All I wanted to do was go to work and leave the boys at a daycare for someone else to deal with the crying, etc. I mean I would sob to my husband...I want to drop them off now. But as things started to mellow and become "normal" I know the best thing for us is for me to stay home. The cost of daycare alone is a huge factor. I also see all of my friends kids getting sick non stop from daycare which is not fun with twins. And, I want to be there with mom and my husbands mom stayed home and we have happy memories of those days. My neices and nephews are in daycare and are happy as can be...I have no problems with that choice. I just decided I would rather hang with them all week then try to cram things in on the weekends.
    Sorry this is so long :-) And thanks for visiting my blog :-) Your babies are adorable!!!!

  13. With LaRue being late at 41 1/2 weeks, I've really noticed what a big difference even a week makes in how well a newborn adjusts. LaRue is holding up her head, sleeps and eats good, and is already falling into a set routine - something my 37 week olds at birth didn't do until they were about 6 weeks old ... which in reality is about the same age as LaRue is now. She is so alert and already has personality that is evident, almost smiling at us, giggles in her sleep ... and she's not yet 2 weeks old... or is she 43 weeks old today?
    Tim and I were talking about that just last night as we were watching her scoot herself across the bed in search of her milk source. LOL

    I think a lot of how well baby adjusts depends on gestational age and maturity at birth as well as number of babies involved (one is enough to wear you out completely!) and a whole host of other factors.

    I wouldn't consider myself a newborn person. I kinda like the toddler/preschool age the best. But I'm totally in love with MY babies. Love to look and coo at YOUR babies - but probably wouldn't want to have them 24-7 ... but wait til they are 2 1/2 and I'll gladly take them for hours! LOL OK - I'm weird that way. I had a friend who liked the 9 - 12 year old age group best.

    One thing for sure - time goes way to fast. Some days I get quite a shock when my 14 year old stands next to me and is nearly as tall as me. And I think - she was just 5, wasn't she? And here Joel is already 4. When did that happen?

    With newborns - you cope, and don't sweat the small stuff. The hospital sent a whole huge list of stuff to fill out daily on LaRue ... confession here - it's STILL in the envelope in Tim's briefcase. The nurses would ask, when did she last nurse ... Ummmm... I didn't look at the clock? But my midwife came by and measured her for me - she was already up to her birth weight after 4 days - so she MUST be eating something!

    Hang in there. The milestones will fly by - though sometimes I think between 5 and 7 months they really get slow. And some babies are nightmares during the teething stage. BUT it passes - personality flurishes, and suddenly they are saying new words and doing new things every single day.

    Oh, the single best thing I did with Joel, was get Signing Time DVD's from our library, and let him watch them from 9 months on ... learning sign language. He could sign so much more than he spoke - and the girls and I reinforced it all day long. He still loves the videos. And it made it so much easier to communicate. Plus he had his ABC's down pat before his second birthday from watching the ABC one.

    Your babies look like they are growing nicely and they look happy and healthy. You're doing fine - and don't let anyone tell you any different. They are beautiful.


Thank you so much for leaving a comment and filling my love tank. I appreciate it!

I'd love to answer your email so please make sure your email address is enabled. In Blogger, go to Edit Profile, and under Privacy, tick the 3rd block and then Save Profile :)


Related Posts with Thumbnails