Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Strung out

That's how I'm feeling.

On edge, irritable, close to tears, stressed.

And very alone.

Last night I realised that I'm pre-menstrual. I'm thinking these new hormonal feelings are one of two things:
  • either because of the new birth control pills or
  • because I'm going back to work in two weeks
Could be either option or both because I'm normally very even-tempered and realistic about things so it's got to be something else. I usually go into problem-solver mode when I'm stressed otherwise I'd crack in my job :)

Also I've figured out why it's so difficult to go back to work after maternity leave. It's because the children finally get CUTE! And responsive.

Even my stroppy child, Kendra, has been rewarding me with lots of beautiful smiles and talking back to me.

Connor's always been very verbal and chats up a storm with me all the time. As my MIL says, "he only has eyes for his mother". Very complimentary but also scary because I don't want to be the only one who can comfort him...

I have such a lot to say (lots of noise in my head) and don't quite know where to start so let's do some bullets:
  1. finished chapter 1 of sleep sense last night - all about how sleep works. I learned why the babies sometimes only sleep for 45 minutes.
  2. very inspired by Mo's weight loss plan. STILL have my 0.5 kg to go - no surprise as I've been to gym twice this whole month and have not changed my eating habits at all.
  3. Connor's started cereal. While he loves it, it's not quite doing what I thought I would. Night 1 he slept for 9 hours, then totally normal sleep for next 13 days. Then I increased to 2 tablespoons, again two nights of 7 hour stretches and the last two nights normal sleep again (4 hours).
  4. I don't know how people "know" what to do with all this stuff - solids, sleep, stimulating them. I honestly feel like such a loser. They've had their pram for 9 weeks and we've been out 3 times. I'm too scared to take them out.
  5. The babies still have not been to church. Beautiful. In 20 weeks!
  6. Have a telephone meeting with my boss this afternoon. Hope it is all good - need to find out if I'll be in the same department or not when I get back.
  7. 3 ladies pitched for interviews. In addition to last week's 2 so I had 5 to choose from in total. The last lady of the day was just delightful! Contacted agent to make her an offer (way above what she wanted), the agent's contacted her but no response yet. Why must everything be so hard?

And now I'm crying again. I think I need to go to gym just to get out of the house, get a different perspective and try to get rid of the stress.


  1. Oh dear! There's no tears in motherhood!! LOL! Pull it together girl! Go treat yourself and get away for a bit, even if it is the gym. Sounds like the new routine of life is going to take some adjusting and getting used to. Hopefully the cereal situation will work itself out, I can't wait to start cereal but their Dr said only after they reach 6 or 7 months.

    STRONG words of advice....TAKE THEM OUT! DO IT! DO IT NOW! Sounds crazy but I believe, and I've heard it from a lot of other multiple moms, take them out early and often. That way everyone is used to going out, riding in car seats and strollers, looking at strangers and all the world has to offer. Even when DH is home to watch them I still take one with me when I have to go out because I'd go crazy if I was the woman with "those kids". Plus I think all the extra stimulation wears them out so maybe it will help you with sleeping! But that's a fine line because too much stimulation does the exact opposite. Start small and then go big!

  2. I agree with the blogger above...def. take the kids out of the house. We started taking them out regularly about 2 months ago. It makes life seem more normal and it introduces the babies to different stimuli. I have taken them shopping or out to eat the past 4 days.

    You are entiltled to some tears:-) You are overwhelmed and about to make a change with going back to work...that's stressful...totally normal. Relax, look forward to the babies first holidays coming up!

    The sleep thing...if you ever want more input from me, let me know :-)

  3. Feel better.

    I've had five different mothers tell me recently that 12 weeks is when mothering gets fun. Guess how long (unpaid) maternity leave is in the US. Yep, 12 weeks.

    Tears are okay. I've decided that it helps my daughters develop compassion if they see me cry every once in a while, because life DOES sometimes get overwhelming, and it DOES feel better after you've cried.


  4. I just read the other comments and my goodness, yes. GO OUT! I would have probably been a post-partum mess if I didn't go to the park and the mall and the bookshop and out Out OUT!

  5. Oh hon, HUGS >:D<

    I'm so pleased to hear that K is now earning her keep :)

    Could you maybe meet up with a friend and even just go for a walk together somewhere? Even if it's a "working" friend so that you made it on a weekend perhaps?

    That whole whopping half kilo :p will fall of you the moment you step into that office ;)

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