Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Chit-chat at birthday parties

So we went to the party on Saturday.

Of course, as the time to leave approached, the babies got all kinds of cranky and I seriously thought of cancelling but I have a thing about RSVPs (once you say yes, better be there and all that...).

We dressed them, got dressed ourselves and off we went.

They fell asleep in the car on the way there but Connor woke about 10 minutes before we arrived and yelled his head off.

He was hungry but when I tried to give him his bottle, he wouldn't take it.


And so we made a grand entrance and everyone knew that "the twins" had arrived :)

I don't think I've mentioned this on the blog before but Kendra pretends she's the good twin whenever Connor cries. She gets all quiet and sweet, like "I don't know WHY my brother is being so naughty", all wide-eyed innocence. It's actually very funny.

After calming the boy down, I eventually managed to get a bottle in him and he was fine for about 90 minutes by which time I think they'd both had enough as they started getting crabby again.

Unfortunately we still had to do the singing and the cake.... so we got ourselves ready in the meanwhile, did the singing thing and left as soon as we could.

My friend is VERY chilled since she's had her baby so doesn't mind the rudeness of us literally leaving as soon as we could.

In South Africa most people are very conservative and would rather be uncomfortable than rude :)

But here's the thing I actually want to talk about.

This was our first party so I'm unsure as to what usually happens.

I know portions of our minds are now baby filing centres but I'm sure I can still keep a decent conversation going about other things...

I think I shocked a couple of the ladies when I was honest and said, "no, I do NOT love everything about motherhood. It's hard, hard work and frankly, I can't wait until I sleep again!"

Do all the mothers ONLY talk about children and milestones and how they eat and sleep and vaginal deliveries vs c-sections and oh-my-word, I was so bored!!!

P.S. This is my 30-minute post for the blog challenge.


  1. I think it depends on the group. There are some people I am very honest with when we get totgether. However, there are some I just keep my mouth shut in-becuase I refuse to lie & say everything about motherhood is glamerous!

  2. Oh, & by the way-in the interest of honesty-I can't tell you the number of times we have had to go to functions like that & one (or both) of our "littles" has a day like you little guy!

  3. When I was on leave that is all I did - talk about kids. But now that I'm back at work I find I can talk about other things and this "kid competition" of discussing milestones was really dragging me down so now I purposefully avoid it. I keep it to anecdotes or truly "cute" things (that aren't milestone specific). I do find having kid stories makes it easier to endure "small talk".

  4. I really, really, dislike milestone conversations in a group setting. Sometimes I think it is started as a competition but sometimes it's because someone kicks off the topic as a conversation filler and everyone is too bored to branch off.

    I hope the cake was good:)

  5. Kim, thanks for that. I'm sure that won't be C's first time of crankiness in a group setting. Thank the Lord I'm not a shy person :)

    Mommy, Esq - it drags me down too. This time I got the opportunity to encourage another mom who had to say "he's not talking yet" - you could see she felt embarrassed having to say that.

    Susan, I also dislike the milestones thing. Although it gave me a good opportunity to explain how prem babies work with corrected ages and so on...

    The cake was excellent!

  6. Ha Ha... Welcome to the competitive world of mothering, you can just pass that band wagon completely, it is a bit like office gossip - just ignore it, rise above whatever, don't get sucked into it. With our first I just assumed there was a lot of lying regarding motherhood!!! I was barely alive - totally sleep deprived, nursing was a nightmare to begin with... I had so much to learn and I wasn't comfortable with any of it... the rest of the antenatal class all had children ready for university and I was only just mastering bath time and diapers... sigh. Even now mom's with new babes tell me how advanced their children are and I see it as a mother's pride rather than the desperate need to get ahead that I once thought it was.

    And poor little guy - don't we all have days that we would rather just not go out!!! You take care and have a great week!!!

  7. Oh how I used to get so frustrated at groups of mommies like these.
    But, after a while I learned to just let what they were saying go in one ear and out the other.
    And often, I would hang out with the children instead of the mommies.

  8. We do a bit a both. I find we talk about mommy things when I get together with work friends, since we do the rest of our talking at work.

    In my neighbourhood, we mostly talk about the kids and gossip about the neighbours. It's a little dangerous when the conversation goes elsewhere, because I do NOT share the political views of my neighbours.

    As kids get older, there's more to talk about regarding the kids. It's not all about sleep and poop. I've had some really good conversations about different parenting and discipiline philosophies, and especially about raising kids with a respect and understanding of multiple cultures.

    I do find myself to be less interesting. This is most apparent in my marriage. I sometimes struggle to find this to say to my husband that don't revolve around the kids. One way we handle that is by reading the same book at the same book. It gives us shared experiences even when he's living in a different country.

  9. Oh, on the subject of talking honestly of parenting vs. milk and honey, I'm very contrary. When people express pity for me raising twins with my husband away, I make it sound easier than it is. When people get frustrated that I need to tend my children in social situations instead of stroking their egos, I point out that parenting is hard and that no, two adults raising one dog doesn't compare. I think the biggest challenge of parenting older kids is tending to the child's moral center and helping them develop the ability to make good decisions in adulthood. A dog doesn't need that.

    In the balance, my friends hear the truth - the joys and the frustrations - and those who aren't interested in the balance of the two don't end up crossing paths with me again. :) (This includes my mother. She only wants to hear the bad.)

  10. Se7en, THANKS SO MUCH for calling it like office gossip – I finally “get it”. I am soooooooooooo not the office gossip type of person; in fact, I am quite blatant “please excuse me I have work to do” and if it’s really bad “that’s not very nice” :)

  11. In a setting like that, especially if the people don't know each other well, yeah, mom's tend to talk about the kids and try to form a pecking order.

    I'm naturally a very shy person, so I tend to hide or only talk about my kids out of nervousness.

    Some things you might try to liven the conversation up a bit - look for a toy or gizmo that one baby has and ask about it, find something someone is wearing and ask about that, ask about a current favorite TV show or movie, ckeck out gizmos at a baby store ahead of time and ask what parents think of them, or what do they do with stuff when the baby is done with the stuff? Is there a charity or do they resell or pack it up for the next one, hand me arounds?

    In the end, the party conversation for kids under 2 is quite boring. I find most baby and bridal showers also fall into this catagory. And since I don't work, and don't watch TV and don't get out to shop ... not much to talk about except my blogs and facebook and homeschooling and my baby.


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