Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The "twins"

I ran a ministry at our church for seven years where we helped members to find their unique God-given passion and gifts.

I considered it a real honour and privilege to go through that process with people and have them say things like "so that's why I'm like that; I never understood it before but it all makes sense now".

Loved it! There's very little that puts me on a natural high like helping people find their gifts and passions.

Maybe it stems from there but wherever it comes from, I am passionate about people knowing that they are unique and special just as they are.

That they don't have to be one bit different or try and change one facet of their personality to fit in.

So then I have twins and I find people just lump them together. Which, as you can now understand, drives me a whole lot crazy.

Of course they also compare them - aside from the rather obvious size issues, they're both working on different skills all the time so yes, K crawled first but C had the first tooth. K rolled first but C sleeps better. And so on.

It's nothing personal; it's obviously my issue rather than anyone else's.

It does help that I have boy/ girl twins. I imagine it would be worse with two girls or two boys because then they'd really be compared with one another.

I don't even call them "the twins" - when I phone the doctor for an appointment, I say "it's M, Kendra and Connor's mother". Sometimes I have to explain that they're twins (date of birth issues) and I reluctantly admit it :)

I want them to have their individual identities and know that they're each special to God and to us.

They each have special gifts, talents and very different and unique personalities.

They just happened to be born at the same time.

Now here's something else too - I obviously get this question a lot.

"How are the twins?"

And I honestly don't know what to say so I say..

"The babies are fine" or "Kendra and Connor are growing nicely". Something that differentiates them but also a very general answer.

Because I find most people don't want to know how they're REALLY doing. And as you know by now, I'm very literal.

So if you ask me how I'm doing I'll tell you I'm having the DAY FROM HELL or that I seriously am in love with those grey skies outside :)

And it's the same if I ask someone how they're doing. I really do want to know otherwise I wouldn't ask.

The truth is the babies are growing and developing so quickly every day but who's really interested in the detail, except people going through the same stuff?

Over to you!

What do you say when people ask after you, your husband or your child(ren)? Do you say, "oh, the twins are fine", do you give a detailed answer, or somewhere in between?

P.S. This is my post for Steadymom's 30-minute blog challenge.

P.P.S. My friend, C's twin girls are one year old today. At that time I was 12 weeks pregnant and we then had to start telling the families.


  1. We do have a tendency to refer to our twin boys as "the boys", but then jokingly we refer to our older daughter as "the girl". It's very easy for the boys to have their own identities as they are different as night and day. I've done posts on their Yin and Yang-ness. I don't worry so much about comparing them, because I do make comments that we can't ever count one of them out because of preconceived notions of how we think they might act. They surprise me all the time. Like how Liam my serious, sensitive boy is also a bit of a thrill seeker. He laughs much more at physical things than I would expect and much more than his brother does!

  2. I answer in bulk and then diversify. My family is pretty good about not doing it (because I was extra vocal during pregnancy about each kid having his/her own personality). I think they may be a little afraid of me! I love Kendra's expression in the first picture!

  3. I tend to lump them together. I find that people can't tell them apart or remember the details I've shared and mix them up. If it is someone who does remember and can tell them apart I go into detail. I just don't feel like wasting my breath.

    I do often share stories of a particular child and everyone knows that Claire is like me and Emma is Daddy's girl. I'm still waiting for strangers to realize they're both girls instead of telling me how lucky I am to have one of each!

  4. I started calling them the twins to differentiate between my current pregnancy. I don't like it but it is easier. As a part of triplet girls who were called "trips" or "the sisters" (because of my brother) it was a little grating but I think it is funny now.

  5. Mandibula, don’t worry – we still get the question, “and what ARE they?” when we CLEARLY dress them in pink and blue (only for going out, and for this very reason) LOL

  6. When asked, I give an general answer, and then give a quick tidbit on each. When I'm in a hurry, or I can tell the question is in passing, I answer in bulk and move along. I've been very vocal about each having their own personality and being individuals. I even had everyone sing happy birthday to each one at their party. ;) It's natural to have them always be that "twins novelty", even though it does get a little old sometimes. Lol

  7. I tend to lump my two younger ones together, even though they aren't twins-they are just 13 months apart.

    Other people tend to lump them together, though, simply because they are adopted & because they have the same birthmother.

    But, it does bug me when I stop to think about it.

  8. Thanks for visiting my feature over at Multiples and more. I love your blog and am excited to follow you.
    I used to be the same way that you are with being totally particular about what people said and the whole comparison issue...then I realized that my girls were NEVER gonna know the difference.
    I was raised with one of my best friends being a girl of boy/girl twins and they didn't care that they were called twins. Actually because they were boy/girl and didn't look exactly alike,they never really got recognized as being a twin so they enjoyed that. My friend Jamie actually calls her brother to this day...my twin. She doesn't even use his name. LOL
    I think that boy/girl twins get referred to as "the twins" more often than two boys or two girls. I have never called my girls "the twins" or any such think and I noticed that those that are closest to you will start to adopt your ways without you having to say anything. They are totally individual and will be forever...don't worry, it will all come out in the wash. Your babies are beautiful!
    Have a great day!

  9. I've been without internet for a few days, so I'm catching up on my blogs. First, love the pictures! K's legs look SO long! I read your cry-it-out post from last week, and my girls do the SAME thing if I go in-they get even more frantic in their crying. I try not to go in unless I know they aren't going back to sleep. : )

    As for the "twins" question...I almost never say "the twins," but I do often say "the girls" or "the babies." When people ask, I generally say something like, "oh, they are getting big." If it's family or closer friends, I'm a lot more detailed and tell a funny story from recently. It does bug me a bit when people call them the twins.

  10. i just always call them 'the babies'. I suspect I'll still be doing that when they are at college!

  11. Clearly I can't comment :p except to say... can you BELIEVE that they were in your tummy 7 months ago?? :O

  12. Those babes of yours are too darling, both of them in their big wide-eyed show me the world kind of way!!! I just love your wriggly, trying to get them in order, photographs!!! Of course they are unique... and special ... and beautiful. Before I had kids I thought of anything under two as a baby... only after I had kids did I see them as actual gorgeous teeny tiny people... Madness I know but that is motherhood for you!!! I guess folk see them as babies or twins until they know them for who they are!!!

  13. What lovely pics! They are both so tall! :) I must say, I am guilty of calling Hayley and Emma, "the girls" or "the twins"...maybe because I truly treasure the amazing bond that twins have and that they are such a unique pair?!?! I don't believe that I will be taking away from their individual personalities by doing that. Mmmmmmmm...


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