Friday, March 26, 2010

Yip, I'm the least likely person to be a mother

I loved the comments on yesterday's post, especially Mandy and Veronica who said they always knew they wanted to be a mother and take care of their babies.

I love it because I was never, ever that person.


I vaguely remember ONE doll that I wasn't too keen on playing with when I was a little girl.

What I do remember was playing school and teaching bossing my sister and cousins. And playing with paper and books - I loved loved loved setting up a library, doing those dot to dot puzzles and playing word games.

Not puzzles, mind you, as I'm far too impatient to be still and figure them out.

In fact, my mother always felt I should have gone into teaching but I knew that I would KILL rude kids. Maybe she had a sense of the speaking thing...

When I grew up somewhere in the far recesses of my mind I knew I'd have children ONE DAY but I never ever had the longing for babies.

I didn't even really like babies. Never cooed over babies being brought into the office. But I did like talking and interacting with children once they could talk.

Someone even once told me I'm the least likely person to be a mother. That hurt so much because at the time we were trying and I'd reached the point where I was ready to stop being in denial and face the fact that we had problems.

I know I'm different.

At our infertility group, one girl said she was ALWAYS the person playing with dolls and from the time she was five, she wanted to be a mother and have her own babies. She now has a two-month-old after five years of infertility.

Another friend (hi Caren!) said to me that she honestly LOVES every moment of being a mother of twins (even through all the screaming - her boy was like Kendra). It's almost as if she's playing with dolls when she has to do their laundry, pack it away, etc.

Of course this is so foreign to me because I was never that girl.

Were you that girl?

P.S. This is actually ironic because I now have a real baby (C) and a little baby doll (K), both of whom I love playing with.


  1. I think God knows what we need more than what we want :-)

    I know a lot of people who never cared too much about the wife/mom roles until they were face-to-face with those possibilities. I have a cousin who was scared of kids and thought she'd always be the World's Greatest Aunt, but never a mom. Now that she's been married for nearly 3 years, she's getting the itch for mommy-hood. Other people I know never wanted to be married until they met someone special. Jesse never thought he would get married or be a daddy at a young age, but when it came up, he wanted it.

    You may never have played with dolls or dreamed of being a mom or even had lists of your future children's names (which I did at 8 years old), but God obviously instilled something within your heart to desire kids- I mean you did try for 4 years and go to the extent of 2 IVF's and have a wish board thing- and I believe God instilled within you the skills to be the kind of mother you need to be to Kendra and Connor.

  2. Mandy, you are SUCH an encouragement to me. I love that about you.

    And you're right - my original intention was to only get married at 30... until I met D.

    And then of course when I turned 30 started thinking "maybe this children thing is a good idea" LOL

  3. Anonymous10:35 am

    Hi M
    Thanks for mentioning me! I still love being a mommy and playing with "real live dolls", especially Sophia. We play dress-up often, and then we have a photo-shoot! Poor baby gets a bit irritated after a while, then my photo-shoot is over!
    Love Caren

  4. Hi, Did I miss a post yesterday? Oops.

    AS for least likely to be a mother - whatever!! You have beautiful hard won children who are going to grow up knowing so much about the world and I'm sure you're going to instil in them a great self-esteem. Not to mention role modelling for them all the behaviours that you hold dear, and showing K that girls can pretty much have their cake and eat it too.

    I love babies because their joy is so infectious. Always have - but not in that 'way' that some women are including the fact that I'm so not a coo-er of babies in the office. I like a little bit of balance with other things in my life. I think that it's easy to become so fixated on your kids (or the subject on babies) that you miss out on 'other' adult conversations. Make sense?

  5. no, I wasn't that girl at all! After all, dolls can't hug you back :)

  6. When I first started IUI/IVF stuff, my sister was surprised. She said, "I never knew having babies was this important to you." I said, "Neither did I." Maybe it all comes when you least expect it, but when you really need it. I played with dolls, but never really visualized myself as a Mom...I love it, but it wasn't my life's dream. I'm with you.

  7. Thanks for mentioning me!

    Just because you didn't dream of having kids as a child doesn't mean ANYTHING!

    The thing is.. I always dreamed about having a family, and then when it happend, unexpectly, (was married for a whole 3 months and was only 18 when I got pregnant) the reality was, that it was nothing like what I thought it would be like. It still isn't. Not to say I don't love being a mom, but I never imagined the messes, the noise, the stress. I was going to be the mom that never yelled, that was consistant, and had a home cooked, well balanced on the table every night and get up early every morning to cook my family breakfast. Yeah... it isn't quite like that.

    I think my expecations of motherhood made the reality of motherhood so much harder with my first. I constantly felt like "this isn't what I signed up for and this isn't how it was supposted to be." So that all being said... Maybe by you not dreaming all your childhood about having children, you were able to take it as it comes (motherhood) and not build this picture in your mind of how it is suppost to be.

    And by the way.. Reading your post, I think you were def. meant to be a Mom!

  8. Great post! I too was just like you. I never dreamed of being a mother growing up. I never had the "I need to get pregnant now" urge. I never oohed and ahhed over everyone elses children (although my nephews and niece were/are the light of my life). I always wondered if there was something wrong with me. I knew I wanted children someday...but the someday was not clear.

    Until one day when friends of ours got married and I had a few too many drinks.....twins!

    Now, looking back, I couldn't imagine my life any different. I wish I would have had them SOONER instead of later. And to be honest, I think I'm a pretty awesome mom!

    I am thankful for that fateful day, because I honestly believe that my husband and I would STILL be putting it off saying we have plenty of time left.

  9. I was NEVER that girl. I always loved children, but thought I was too broken to have any of my own, and I was perfectly content to be fulfilled by a career rather than a family. I think you may have actually commented on my post on the subject, but it took quite a lot of arm-twisting for me to want kids.

    Thank goodness Lucas knows how to get through to me!

  10. @Veronica - I've noticed what you describe to be a pattern. I was the one who didn't really want kids, so the reality was no shock to me. My husband had always dreamed of being a father, and the crying and sleepless nights flattened him. A coworker and his wife are in a similar spot, but with the gender-roles reversed. I think what it boils down to is that parenthood is nothing like we expect, whether we expect it to be fairytale-like or drudgery.


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