Tuesday, August 10, 2010

When blogging and real life connect

In my post about the rules for weekends, I wrote about my friend who confessed that she didn't feel urgency to see the babies in person because of my blog (not this one, another one with mainly pics) and Facebook, MandyE left a comment that touched a chord in me.

One of my twin-mom friends was telling me recently that she is considering not blogging anymore. She said that she feels like some of her friends and family use it as a "crutch" for actually keeping up with her and the babies...people don't call to check in, for example, because they know that Jenny took the kids to the park yesterday, and that they ate ice cream for the first time today.

I could see how that might happen. I don't live in the same area where I grew up, so Facebook is a great way for me to feel somewhat reconnected with my hometown friends. I haven't experienced any negatives with it.

I guess it's just a (unfortunate?) sign of our "information rich" times!

I've been feeling some uneasiness around blogging and this comment hit the nail on the head.

I think I even responded back to MandyE to say, "YES, YES, YES - that's exactly how I feel about some of my real life friends" :)

I like being open and honest. It's who I am and I don't want to change that.

But I'm starting to feel like this is Twitter where you tweet and no-one answers back. Or at least back to me :)

I crave connection. I love it when I can sit one-on-one with a friend and share thoughts and feelings, and they can share back with me.

I guess it feels like this conversation is a bit one-sided, like I'm spilling my feelings (which is actually not that easy for me to do) but the other person doesn't do the same ...

Do you ever feel like this?

Time for my disclaimer - I really don't expect comments on every post, although that would be nice but unrealistic :) But I would like some sharing back with me, even just now and again.

I also don't comment on every blog I read but if I know the person, I do comment at the very least occasionally.

So I guess my questions to you, especially if you're a blogger, are:

  1. Do people you know in real life read your blog? (yes, for me - but I only tell people that I don't mind knowing my stuff)
  2. Do they comment on your blog or email you about it? (Sasha, just for you!)
  3. Do you purposely keep your sharing light and superficial because of who reads it?
  4. Etc, etc.


  1. No one IRL reads my blog, apart from Hunter

  2. Seriously??? Did you make that decision consciously? And do you ever feel tempted to tell people?

  3. Um let's see. I have been blogging 5 times a week for almost 5 years. Each day I get about 400 people reading my posts. Of that, my entire family reads my blog, including my grandma (that is a hard one to write bc when I started, 3 of my grandparents read my blog but two have passed away).

    How many people I know IRL who comment? ZERO. Jon has commented twice. My sister, never. My MIL, never. My mom, never. I could go on and on.

    Yes, people do not call as much to check in on what's going on bc they know what's going on. But my family knows more about my life than they ever have. And it truly does save me time. I don't have time to keep in touch with everyone to this level.

    Do I censor? Only a few things. I never write about things in my marriage. I never write about sex. I never write about my job. I don't write about my friends unless they are okay with it. That's bc those things are PRIVATE.

    After doing it for so long, the only things that bug me are:
    1. People assume my blog is 100% of my life. Um, no. I may write about a music festival we went to but that is what we did Saturday night. I also went out to dinner with friends, went out with Jon, etc. Since I rarely write about my friends, I don't think people know that every Wednesday I host a girls night with cocktails and dessert or that I am in a book group or that I am part of a women's circle to talk about raising children true to our values.

    2. I hate when I write about poop and get 20 comments, then I really pour my heart into something and get 2 comments. But that is the nature of blogging.

    For me, the easiest thing to keep me is going is to answer the question WHY AM I BLOGGING? I am blogging for ME. And my grandma. I blog so I have a record of this time in my life and so my grandma can know her great-grandkids. Meeting people and comments are only icing on the cake.

  4. # Do people you know in real life read your blog? (yes, for me - but I only tell people that I don't mind knowing my stuff)
    Yea, lots of people do. I have it so it feeds to facebook also, and my friends and family that don't get the email when I update, get to read it also. :)

    # Do they comment on your blog or email you about it? (Sasha, just for you!) They never comment on my blog!

    # Do you purposely keep your sharing light and superficial because of who reads it?
    If you've ever read my blog, you know that I turn no filter on...this is my life, my real life with twins. Take it or leave it, I don't care who you are.

    Sorry I don't comment more. I'm trying to cut down on blogs I read, and when I sit down for computer time, I first go to those who comment on my blog...sharing some love. :) Then, if I have time, I'll hit some more blogs. :)

  5. Not many people that I know IRL read my blog. A couple of blogging friends I know IRL, but we aren't that close, so I don't really think about it much.

    My best friend and a couple of other close girlfriends know about it. Sometimes they will comment either IRL or on Facebook about something they read on the blog, but no comments. My mom has picked up on the fact that I have a blog, but she hasn't asked...I will direct her to it soon though.

    I will never censor myself when writing on my blog...it's one of my promises to myself about blogging. So if someone starts reading it that doesn't want to know the REAL me, tough luck! : ) (That being said...I don't usually write about personal issues with another person, or private things in my family. I discuss parenting and my feelings on lots of subjects, but that's all fair game.)

  6. This is really interesting. No one from my family knows about my blog, aside from DH. I've mentioned my blog, but no one IRL reads it.
    That being said, I wouldn't care if anyone read my blog. I actually wish that DH didn't read my blog. I often feel like I sensor my blog to avoid anything being misinterpreted. I also have repeatedly told him that my blog is just that, my blog, and I will do and say as I please. However that's not really the case and I avoid complaining about his lack of cleaning skills and inability to properly dress the girls! It's best to keep it about the girls I guess. This is something I would love to change, I should work on building my courage to do so.

    IRL I am pretty much keep to myself, as does my family. No one calls, no one checks. My cousin and I text constantly but aside from that we are on our own. I was pretty taken aback after the girls were born that no one came to help us. After reading everyone else's blog I was sure that SOMEONE would just show up to hold a baby or bring me some food. My cousin did, quite regularly, while I was on bedrest and in hospital, as well as the girls, but she was it. I guess that is why we are so close now!

    I've also considered doing multiple blogs, for different groups of people, but realized they might bleed over into other blogs and frankly that is too much thought and effort than I can summon!

  7. There are a couple of reasons why I started blogging, but primarily I loved the idea of a creative outlet. I keep the subject matter (mostly) focused on the girls and my experiences in motherhood. It's been such an amazing experience for me, and a very pleasant surprise. I didn't know I would be able to connect with so many other moms - especially moms of multiples - and feel such a sense of community. I love it!

    That said, there are only a handful of people IRL who I know read my blog. At times I wish that more did...I'm proud of it, and I love sharing the occasional picture of the girlies. :) I will occasionally (maybe once every two or three months) post a link to my blog on Facebook, but I don't "push" it otherwise.

    There are times I wish I shared more on my blog. There are a lot of folks who've dealt with infertility, as I did, for example, and I would like to connect on that level. But I don't intend to mention that on my blog, as there are some folks IRL who read it, and that's not something I shared with many people (even my family).

    I don't know exactly where I'm going with this comment, so I'll close it by saying that my blogger life is largely separate from my "real" life...and that's fine by me.

  8. I tend to agree that if people read your blog daily, they are least likely to contact you in person, as they feel that they already know what is going on in your life and head. But I love reading your blog, it's my daily fix! I don't always comment because I'm always in a rush to get back to my work!

  9. Caren, thank you for your comment.

    I must echo what LauraC said though... this is just a snapshot of my life :)

  10. I put up on my blog side bar the reasons that I blog - mostly to keep up with relatives and friends IRL that I have a hard time keeping up with via email or snail mail. And they all ask for pictures.

    Rarely does anybody comment ... in fact, the most faithful commenter I have appears to be a spambot. UGH.

    I have my blog tied into FB. And I get quite a few comments via FB. I also get lots of verbal feedback when I talk to people.

    I censor TONS of stuff out. Try to keep it upbeat. If you want the nitty gritty - call me. I tried to get a little more deapth, but then my next sister down (the bossy one in the family - perfect and can do no wrong ... thankfully, 12 kids and an even more this way husband have mellowed her out a lot) will "graciously" write or call to tell me how to fix things. I can't write anything about their family without offending somebody in it.

    However, I do blog about others that come to visit us, since most of our family reads the blog at least sometimes, I put up pictures of the whole family. This makes the older relatives very happy. I also plugged an email feature into it - and so most of those get the blog posts emailed and they are quite pleased that I write to them so often.

    I do it to sort of scrap book things that I want to remember. I blog for me. Lately, I've been in a slump and not blogged much. :(

    Right now, I seem to be spinning in space and not able to connect my dots. Got to pull myself together and get on top of things again. But the miscarriage / new pregnancy / Tim job new job that fell through / My mom died / add a kid to the family / add a second house to care for / Tim new job / Baby birth completely not as planned / Major car accident which landed LaRue in the hospital for a week and seizure meds for 8 months / repeated hospital trips for seizure testing / Tim looses the job (sales job and NOBODY in the department was getting sales!) / HOT summer / Karen's baby born Downs Syndrom and rushed to ER (home birth) because he wasn't pinking up nicely (he panicked and caused blood flow constriction - he's fine now / Karen had painful swollen cyst size of honeydew melon and need operation / 6 weeks of having Karen's kids / Rhoda's accident and a dozen or so other things .... on top of my normal life .... it's just been a bit much. Thank goodness for very supportive family and my two teen daughters!! I would have lost it otherwise.


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