Friday, September 03, 2010

Division of labour

Mandy posted about division of labour and as well as this being a particularly hot topic for me, I also think the way we do things works well for us, so I thought I'd write here instead of writing a whole post in her comments.

I feel very strongly (!) that no one spouse is more important than the other. Before we even got serious, we discussed these things and he agreed with me that if we both work outside the home, then we both also work inside the home.

So that's what we do.

Of course with the twins he really hasn't had much of a choice. I wrote about the conveyer belt system during bath time and D also does the "between 5 and 6" wake-up since I do the bedtime routine.

I will say it's impossible to be happily married and keep an accounting system in your head. We both believe that each of us must give 100%, none of this 50/50 business.

That said, I have realised over the years (remember I'm married 15 years so have TONS of experience) that women are just wired differently to men.

E.g. he just doesn't see the crumbs on the kitchen counter like I do...nor the smudges and drips on bathroom basins or the angle of the cushions on the couches that is not quite how I'd do it :)

But he is good with big, obvious stuff like toys laying around, dishes, etc.

He also knows that it's important to me to live in a clean and uncluttered environment so he does make the effort.

Anything above that, if it bothers me that much but is no great shakes in the grand scheme of things (cushions on couches, for example!), I do.

Of course there are times I feel resentful but I tell him and it's usually other stuff stressing me and this is my fallback. I'm going to write more about that when I do the last Motherstyles post next week.

I believe that when you love someone you should at least care when something bothers them. D does and will help me be at peace if I'm stressed about the house beyond the normal stuff.

We've had many systems over the years, from strictly 3 nights/ 3 nights/ 1 takeaway to our current arrangement which is me mainly cooking and D does the rice or pasta.

As far as cleaning the house goes, we went from doing it all on a Saturday morning (D would sweep & vacuum, I would mop, etc.) to now where we have a cleaning lady once a week.

I've said it before but I don't know how you ladies do it (especially twins) without nannies.

Please share with me what works for you (or what doesn't!) and how you do division of labour in the home.

P.S. Thanks to all who told me what you were eating and wearing when you commented on yesterday's post. LOVED reading the comments. Today I'm wearing cotton maternity pants since they're the only summer pants that fit comfortably! Sweets, I make the best toasted cheese sandwiches in the world (according to D :)). Next time you're up here, come over :)


  1. I will say it's impossible to be happily married and keep an accounting system in your head.

    well said!

    I really struggle with this. I feel like I do nearly ALL the housework (and we have twins and no nanny). So I'm not going to answer your q about division of labour or I'll start to get cranky!!! (He does do a LOT. But I feel like I do all; the day to day stuff, mostly because he doesn't get home until 7.30).

  2. So I'm thinking I need more time to get used to living with my slob! I don't think I can make him be any less of a boy so I just need to learn to deal with it. It's great that your husband is so willing to keep you happy. Mine is great at apologizing!


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