Saturday, October 09, 2010

Something strange is happening

I've written before about how V sometimes comes in on a Saturday if I have an event to go to or if D and I need to run lots of errands quickly.

As you know, quick errands and babies do not go together in the same sentence.

Nevertheless, the last time we did one of these babysitting days, a few Saturdays ago, I actually felt guilty leaving them at home with V.

It is VERY strange because:

1. I don't generally feel guilty
2. It felt like they should be with us because we're a family!

What's that all about?

I suppose I'm just delayed and the rest of the world felt like this from the beginning whereas I just wanted to escape?

Coupled with this guilt thing, I'm finding that I'm being a lot more intentional with my time.

I'm really thinking hard about whether I want to spend (waking) time away from the babies and if I do, then I want my time away from them to count.

Quick example...

I went to a women's event last Sat that was hosted by our church. The theme was romance so I thought, "great. we could do with some jazzing up" and I went.

Well, the theme should have been "God as the great Romancer" or something like that because there was not a single thing about marriage, etc. and I was very cross.

I found myself resenting the time I was spending away from the babies and after I wallowed a little, I gave myself a talking-to and determined to get as much as I could, since I was there.

Still...

We have a thing going on in our Fertility Babies group where it's "moms only" for two groups, and then for the 3rd one, we can bring babies with us.

Technically speaking, that is.

As in it's never happened with me.

I didn't take the babies for the first two and then felt so "out" I just stopped going to the "with babies" groups.

But I think I'm finally getting why the other mothers want their babies with them.

I think I'd have no qualms about it if we had the meetings at night and maybe shared supper together. Kind of like a book club, but for ex-infertiles :)

Because I have absolutely no second thoughts going to gym or movies or coaching... but only once the babies are asleep.

Does this seem weird to you? Anyone relate?

P.S. Toddler Sense was very interesting!
P.P.S. Katherine, I thought of you running your race as I drove to the seminar this morning :)

7 comments:

  1. Hey girl! It may just be that you feel they should come with you because they are getting much easier to manage with going out (like more flexible for eating/drinking etc). Even though it takes longer, henry is now at the age where he really likes going to new places for errands like lowes (huge hardware store) etc. I know it is different with two but just guessing that might be why you are feeling that way. I get very little time away, and I'm beginning to realize that I need to have a break every so often to recharge. I would feel guilty for even leaving him in church nursery but now I'm don't give it a second thought.

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  2. We have always brough the children with us. I feel terribly guilty leaving them still. A good bit of it stems from IF and feeling that we worked so hard and were fortunate enough to actually become pregnant and successfully deliver children, that leaving them with a sitter would be somehow wrong, or ungrateful. It's hard to describe but I totally understand.

    We plan everything with the girls, even when it's not the best idea-like an amusement park with 9 month olds! I think it's fantastic that you have been able to leave them with V and have been able to take care of your errands and focus on yourself and your relationship. We are seriously lacking in the relationship department and after the girls go down to sleep we tag-team the house and chores before we head to be. How romantic!

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  3. I definitely have a sort of 'prioritization' when it comes to what I do without the girls. Some things, like running into gift-type stores where I could NEVER take the babies, I can do on my lunch hour. And of course, there are times when I am glad to have someone watching them and taking a few hours out to just be by myself. But in general, Jeremy and I count our weekends as quality family time, since it's really all we have together, so we try to be with the girls as much as possible....whether we are out in town or just staying at home.

    Like Mandy said, it is getting easier to get out and about with them. Going to the grocery store for a few items (I never take them on major-shopping days!) is sort of fun, as it gets us out somewhere they can look around and people-watch. We have had some issues with his mom wanting to keep the girls overnight on the weekend, and we've had to explain that we LIKE our family time together... she just doesn't seem to get it. ; (

    On another note, I LOVE the pictures of you with the babies in your last post! It's so rare to see us mommies in pictures sometimes. : )

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  4. Race went very well thanks, managed it in 71 minutes (for 15km) so think that's my best time for that distance (and I found it very easily). I can't really realte to the guilt as I'm a SAHM as you know so there is an hour or 2 a week that Ava gets left with Joyce and otherwise I try to go out while she's asleep. I do actually take the kids along on most shopping trips (they stay in the trolley or Zoe walks). Zoe is fortunately a very well-behaved, responsible child and Ava is happy to stay in the trolley or Maclaren buggy. Twins is obviously another ball game entirely.

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  5. Sorry about all the spelling mistakes, should've checked my message first. Oops.I meant I found Gelvandale easily.

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  6. I definitely relate, although in a slightly different way, being a SAHM. Most days, I can't wait for Hubby to get home and come be with the girls so I can get some laundry started, or do something in the kitchen, or sometimes take a shower - depending on what kind of day it's been! I feel guilty for seeming to "bolt" the minute he gets in...and for not spending as much time as a family of four as I think we should.

    I know it's a balance...that his alone-time with the girls is a good thing...but I think we can do a better job of being together at home as a foursome.

    I also relate to wanting the time you spend away from home to be on something "worthy". I do the vast majority of my out-and-about after the girls are in bed. On the rare occasions that I do get out during naptime (on the weekends) or - gasp! - when they're awake and home with Daddy, I want it to be something "really good". :)

    One final note...as the girls have gotten older, especially in the past 3 or 4 months, I've had a number of times when I just marveled at being out as a family of four, doing "family things"...like eating ice cream together, or going to the park. It definitely gets more fun - and more "real"! - every day. :)

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  7. Ha...no strange...natural. You're finally starting to enjoy your children! It's happening to me too...I love to talk to them in the car. It used to be that the car was my "quiet time," but now it's so fun with them. You're really starting to enjoy them!!!

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