Friday, November 05, 2010

Pigeon pair

I'm writing this one in response to Roz's post (no point in linking - I get annoyed when people link to private blogs, don't you?) this morning.

Roz wrote about how annoyed she gets when people keep asking if they're going to try again for a boy since they have twin girls.

I get that.

First off, I always said I didn't mind what my two were because all I wanted was A baby. I already felt like I hit the jackpot getting TWO. No matter what sex those two were.

And that was me being 100% honest.

Still, when the doctor said one was a boy and he wasn't sure about the other, I still didn't mind having two boys (in hindsight I do actually think boys are easier) but I did say to D, "if they're both boys, we may have to do another IVF to see if we can have a girl" because I wanted to experience both a girl and a boy.

Okay, God knew what he was doing and gave me both at once because you all know I do not do well with the newborn stage and will never have babies again (emotionally I can't do IVF again and also financially - older eggs will probably mean more than 1 go and I just can't!) and also, I was thinking with the rose-tinted glassses of twin romance.

So I hit the jackpot twice - TWO babies and a girl and a boy.

And it seems lots of people feel the same because we get stopped quite a lot, as you do with twins, and get comments about "how lucky" we are to have a "pigeon pair" because "now you're finished".

And that bugs me too.

Because I don't like people assuming that just because we have a girl and a boy, that necessarily completes things for me.

Yes, I am happy with my family but hey, if I get given a 12-month-old baby, I will be over the moon. LOL

So I say things like, "yes, we are VERY blessed, but we would have been very happy with girls or boys".

Because that is the truth.

Is it important to you to have one (or more) of each gender?

P.S. Pic taken on 21 November last year. I canNOT believe they were that tiny or that I was that thin! I never ever ever thought I'd say this but maybe there's something to being that sleep deprived....... :)


  1. I remember wanting a boy, and I still do, but I am totally content with the girls. I also remember when we found out what we were having and they announce the second baby was also a girl and DH hung his head and apologized to me. He said he was sorry and that we could try again soon after. I was SOOO embarassed! I can only imagine what the tech thought!

  2. I have 2 brothers and always desperately wanted a sister - I spent my childhood surrounded by boys, doing boy stuff like playing cricket and rugby and having to watch it on TV as we had a majority rules thing so I was always out voted. I love my brothers but I'm still very envious of anyone that has a sister(that they're close to). My mom has 2 sisters and they are unbelievably close eventhough they live in 3 different cities. Anyway, the whole point of this comment is to say that I am 100% thrilled to have 2 girls. I will never be anyone's dreaded MIL and I'm proof that girls tend to stick close to their families. My 1 brother lives in the USA and the other one in Cape Town while I live less than 2km from my parents.

  3. I used to always think I HAD to have a girl, but now that I have Henry, I can honestly say I would be thrilled with nothing but boys. Boys are awesome :)

  4. UGH! I hate when people have the nerve to ask "so now your done having kids because...." I have two boys and a girl. When I became pregnant with my daughter, I hoped and prayed for a girl. I wanted a daughter after having two (amazing!) sons. But I did not get pregnant just to have a girl- because that might not have worked out for me. I wanted another child to love! So I hate when people asked me- now that you have your girl, your done right? No- I am done because my husband and I agreed on three kids. Period! If all three where boys- then I guess I would be a proud momma of three!

    Also- I think it is really rude for people to ask (family does this to me) "are you done now?" It really isn't your business if I am done having kids or not! That is between me and my husband! If I want 10 kids- it is of no concern to anyone but us! UGH!

  5. Before finding out we were going to battle with infertility, I had this idea in my head that I wanted two children, first a boy and then a girl, cos you know, we're brought up believing that that is best.
    But then, when you discover you're infertile your perceptions changed and my mantra became - I am not greedy, I only want one.
    I always thought I'd have a son, because many years ago, before meeting my hubbie, I believe God gave me a vision, he even showed me my years of infertility, obviously, only something I could recognize in hindsight but in the vision, I saw myself holding a baby and I'm sure it was a boy baby. Then we started having IVF's and PGD and Miscarriages and these were all linked to male embryo's. So I was even more convinced that I was going to have a boy. Our birth mom did not know if she was having a boy or a girl, so when Ava was born, it was a total surprise when they announced she was a girl. And to be honest, I was over joyed because even though I'd thought I'd always have a son, my secret hearts desire was for a little girl.
    Now I have my little princess, and my experience is the opposite of yours. I can't imagine having a boy baby because almost everyone I know, bar yourself, who has boy babies have had a far harder time than those of us with girl babies. If we were to be blessed with a second on, and that's a really BIG if, I think I'd prefer to have another girl.
    But that's just me. I don't buy into the old fashioned carrying on the family name blah blah blah that a lot of society still buy into so it doesn't phase me at all.

  6. I really wanted a boy, from day 1. Then we had the princess, and really, I love the girlishness. Then with no 2 I desperately wanted a boy. When we found out it was twins, really, the sex was sort of not a thought anymore. Then I wished for a pigeon pair - so that A can have a friend too. But really, just one boy would have been great. I love having both sexes.

    As to the easiness of boys vs girls - for sure are girls more difficult where emotions are concerned. On a physical level, the boys are tiring me out. They are just so busy and so rough.

  7. Cat, that's exactly it - you said it perfectly although I struggle to put it in words. Girls are more difficult emotionally while boys are more difficult physically.

  8. Catching up on posts I missed...but I just have to say that comments like those you mention just drive me CRAZY! When I was pregnant, we knew from the beginning that we were having identical twins, so obviously, there would be either two girls or two boys. I was fine with either, but truly hoping for girls. I have not been around baby boys much at all, and felt clueless in thinking about raising boys.

    When people found out we were having twins, they would often say, "Oh, maybe you will have one of each, then you can just be done all at once!" (Never mind that they didn't understand the concept of IDENTICAL TWINS!) My reply was usually a frosty "We don't need one of each...our family can be done when we decide it's done, regardless of the sex of our babies." still drives me crazy that people think you have to have a boy to have a complete family.

    Also, I have never heard the term "pigeon pair"...cute!

  9. I hate when people ask if we're done. Makes me want to have six more kids just to show them.

  10. I always wanted a HUGE family. I mean like a dozen or more. Instead my sister, Rebekah, has the big family, big house, huge garden ... hmmm.... But anyway, I have my 4. I only wanted girls. But my Joel is the perfect boy for our family, he's not nearly as rough as most boys - in fact, Kendra rough houses more than he does! I can't imagine not having Joel in our family, and would have been devistated had he been killed in the accident last year, I know God had his hands wrapped around our boys.

    People are curious. I think the questions, but never would be brave enough to ask them. My kids are almost 16, 13, 5, and 1. Not a single one of them were accidents, but they were all surprises - as it took us 4 years of trying to get Kendra, lost one between the older girls, lost 2 between Vannan and Joel (either one had lived, they would have just turned 8, or be almost 8, as they were only 5 months apart). Then I had Joel, and lost 2 more. And at 42, I FEEL done. Maybe because so much has happened the last 2 years, but I just feel done.

  11. Huh. I never heard the "done or not done" comments. People do say to me, "Twins, how wonderful. I wish I had twins." I hate that, they don't know how hard it is!


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