Friday, February 18, 2011

MIL & other Friday updates

I am definitely not 2kg lighter - there is something wrong with that scale :)

Thanks for all the support on the new blog.

And, sadly, the great romance is not to be. I heard yesterday that he knows who it is and is not into her. Poor girl.


Okay, so remember this post about how little time my MIL spends with the babies?

Well, I've always said the comments are GOLD - if you don't read the comments, you really should :)

What I like to do is subscribe to the comments of posts I'm interested in on blogs I read and blogger conveniently sends them to me by email. Because I almost never go back on a blog to check what other people have to say.

Anyway, a dear reader emailed me rather than posting in the comments because she had such a lot to say. Rachel often does this and I love emailing back and forth with her - she is very wise and totally not cared about what people think which I always love.

I asked her if I could share and she was okay with it. I have removed personal bits about her family. The V is broken on her keyboard :)

Read this:

just read the question about the MIL. Some things to consider, she might not be a "toddler person" just like you are not an "infant person".

Also, just from experience, L (Rachel's baby) is totally NOT a people person. T's parents see her weekly or more at church, and ha^e interacted with her since birth - yet she still cries if either of them pick her up, will hide her face, or stare at them stoicly. When we go to their house, it sometimes takes an hour for her to "warm up", less time if they come here.

On the other hand, she sees my dad (who li^es next door) almost daily, and still often gi^es him the "cold shoulder" for 10 minutes or so before warming up. Based on the e^ents at Preschool (and other things you ha^e said) - I would guess Connor may not gi^e granma much more than a passing glance (e^entually, he will grow out of it - somewhere between 2 1/2 and 4 - as he remembers e^ents after they happen, so that each encounter is built on the one before rather than seeming like a brand new experience for him each time) and that's not totally great for a Gramma ego.

On the other hand, Kendra appears to be more of a social butterfly. If Gramma is not into toddlers, her constant chatter and attention may seem like hours after only 30 minutes. This doesn't mean that she doesn't want to see them ... it just means she feels exhausted because she isn't in rhythm with them. E^entually, they will get to know each other and she will make her ^isits longer, and if she doesn't, she may be trying to force herself into a mould of what she expects a "granma to be" rather than being herself.

How many kids did she raise? How "hands on" of a mom was she? She may not know how to beha^e because of how strict you are with them ... as in, it's not the way she thinks, so for her it's like being in the ocean to swim, when she's use to being in a backyard pool. E^en a good swimmer from a pool, will find themsel^es tired after being in the ocean for a short while. ... and on the other hand, If you are use to the ocean ... a backyard pool may seem boring and tame.

(Think about her personality ... and allow her to be herself. And remember, she raised the guy you lo^e ... she must of done something right. Right?)

I love, love, love this email because it challenged me to be more open-minded.

My MIL raised two kids WITH a lot of help even though she was SAHM. She is not a very hands-on person at the best of times and prefers to read rather than do anything else.

I do know she was a little miffed when Connor wouldn't kiss her at Christmas............ even after I told her he won't kiss us either (now he's Mr Kissy himself... slightly worrying).

She is definitely an I so I'm sure the kids' constant talking would drain her.

Speaking of I's, my friend, Nat, is constantly amazed at how much my kids talk and she said, "it's probably because you talk so much to them. D and I can play for hours without talking" LOL - I love it :)

I don't think our strictness is a deterrent as she likes to know exactly when to do what - I was told to leave detailed notes for her and she texts me if she's unsure :)

The best thing Rachel said was this - Think about her personality ... and allow her to be herself.


Thank you, Rachel, for being honest and for challenging me. I appreciate you.

There were TONS of comments from people with similar stories on my original post - does Rachel's email help you too?

P.S. Blackhuff, can you somehow attach your email to your comments? I can't reply back to you but I so appreciate hearing from you!


  1. My email address is: :)
    I can say that Rachel's email did help me to see my MIL in a different point of view. It is nice to read and ask other's opinions because sometimes one just need to see things in another point of view.
    I saw that your comments is considered as spam on my blog. Only found that this morning. Will look everyday in the Spam folder - stupid Wordpress - grrrr

  2. A great opinion - Rachel is a wise girl. Oh yes and I would love to read Marcia unplugged - pretty please. I am sure that I did leave a comment there but blogger must have comped it up.

  3. Found you on another blog. Look forward to reading more. Check out my blog if you like and follow back if you desire. TGIF! Have a great weekend.

  4. Okay, so I missed that post and went over to go and read it. I guess we all have different personalities and parenting styles. It is wonderful that you are now taking that into the equation.

    Gosh, I would die if I had to see my grand bambinos only twice a month. I love having them and even all three little ones at the same time is awesome. Fortunately it does not faze their parents (our children) as they love going on date nights and weekends away. They have been "staying over" since 3 weeks old...and we have such an amazing bond with them that I would never have it any other way.

    Sorry about the LOOOONNNG comment;-D

  5. Gotta speak!!! My MIL is so not involved and so couldn't care less about the kids... she lives five blocks away and my kids have never ever been to her house... BUT she loves her son and that's how I get her!!! She comes to dinner every single Wednesday night, never offers to help even if I have had a baby that morning, she still arrives - I kid you not!!! She brings biscuits that my kids aren't allowed to eat for the kids and chocolate for hubs... nothing for me!!! But I wanted my kids to learn how to treat a mother in law, with respect despite herself, after all I really hope to be a mother-in-law one day!!!... So they are learning by example. For years she came to dinner and expected all the kids to be in bed, out of sight and the whole house perfectly spotless... but I wanted my kids to have happy memories of their granny so... I just brought them to the table, so to speak... she started coming later and later and I just kept them up... "How can I tell my teen to be in bed by 6:30 because granny is coming!!!" She doesn't love the clatter of cutlery, she doesn't love the inevitable spill, but she eats her dinner and hears about their lives and they do think she's marvelous and glamorous... not the person they would turn to in an emergency, but she's theirs and they claim her and I am happy with that!!!

  6. Aw! The unrequited love makes me sad :-(

    I think there's a lot of truth and wisdom in what Rachel said. Glad it gave you a different perspective.

  7. Very, very interesting. My Mom sounds exactly like your MIL. She loves her grandsons but struggled to be alone with them when they were toddlers. I could never ask her to babysit for me because she just point blank refused. Now that my older son is 10 they have a fabulous relationship. She makes a lot of time for him and they do really fun stuff together. I also used to get annoyed by it but now I see that it is totally her personality. My MIL on the other hand has no issues with either of my kids regardless of their age. Must check their Motherstyles. And mine.
    Rachel is soooo clever! I would never have thought of it like that.

  8. Thanks - some days I'm not so wise. But it sure made a bad day a lot better to read this. Thanks.


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