Friday, April 08, 2011

5 love languages - this time for children

I really found this course outstanding and the lady was just fabulous.

Part 1

Part 2

Let me share the things that stood out to me as special.
  • There are separate love tanks for Mom and Dad (or Mom and Mom - Pufferfish :)) to fill - that's why mine go beserk on a Monday because they miss Daddy!!!
  • Their little love tanks empty out as they go into the world and that's why they need to be filled daily

Some signs of a full love tank are
  • singing and laughing
  • talking to themselves
  • playing independently
  • detaching easily (children's church!!!)

Signs of an empty love tank are
  • the opposite of the above points but
  • whining, crying, clinging, etc.
  • seemingly bad behaviour
Children are not able to ask for what they need (hmm, most of us don't do this either) so they act out by misbehaving.

She said that about 90% of the kids who come to her for behavioural issues are actually displaying love language issues.


Apparently if you do the love language thing consistently for a few weeks and the behaviour continues, then it is a behaviour thing.

She says we are wired for our love language preferences as we can often tell when the kids are babies.

True - Kendra always wanted to be held as a baby and now I know that her love language is physical touch. Even in the mornings she comes to me for hugs. Now she can talk she says "hug".

All children need all 5 love languages however. Just because a kid has a preference for one or two doesn't mean you neglect the other languages.

K - physical touch and words of affirmation
C - quality time and I think, acts of service (he is very good at doing stuff to help without being prompted. He shares ALWAYS with his sister, D and me, and often gets both water bottles and brings one to Kendra before having from his one)

My take-outs

Buy gifts according to their love language. E.g Lego and books for quality time kids.

For kids who have gifts as their love language, less is actually more because they will appreciate them more.

On parties
You know how we wait for the kids to go sleep so we can do things for the party?

She said that's for OUR benefit, not for the kids'.

They benefit and appreciate it more if they participate in the work and go through the process, especially quality time and acts of service kids.

Once the cake is baked, ice it together. Let them participate, etc.

And for gifts kids, reducing the party size is best for them because every person and every gift becomes 10 X more special. Aaaahhh. Too sweet.

She said her kids pack their own party packs and put out chairs and such...

Anyway, there was such a lot of valuable information (this is probably only about 10%). If you're in the Jhb area, don't even think about it - go!

If you're in Pta, also go or get a group together (I'm not sure what her minimums are) and she'll come do it for you.

Do you know your kids' love languages?

If you haven't told me yours yet, please take the quiz and let me know, esp. if I know you in real life.


  1. Oh I still need to do it, but Hubby's is definitely physical touch and all 3 the kids too. I can tell you mine is not.

  2. Love this! I am not very sure on A & M's specific languages yet, but that part about bad behavior/whining when they need love is definitely true. I find that if I can sit down and love on both girls for a little bit, without any distractions (just focusing on them, not trying to cook dinner, etc.), it will divert many tantrums!

  3. My top two are Quality Time and Physical Touch (I think I did this test before- hahaha- hop I got the same answers, I think my mood of the day also plays a bit of a roll). I think Nicola's might be equal between Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch.

    Obviously we hug A LOT! :-)

  4. Cool - We all took the test and here are our results. Hmmm.... we found them interesting, and mostly we agreed.


    2 Words of Affirmation
    6 Quality Time
    4 Receiving Gifts
    4 Acts of Service
    4 Physical Touch


    8 Words of Affirmation
    6 Quality Time
    2 Receiving Gifts
    2 Acts of Service
    12 Physical Touch


    5 Words of Affirmation
    9 Quality Time
    6 Receiving Gifts
    9 Acts of Service
    1 Physical Touch


    6 Words of Affirmation
    6 Quality Time
    8 Receiving Gifts
    10 Acts of Service
    0 Physical Touch


    4 Words of Affirmation
    5 Quality Time
    6 Receiving Gifts
    2 Acts of Service
    3 Physical Touch


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