Monday, April 04, 2011

{Friendship Friday} Advice from the most unlikely place

After my grumpiness on Friday, I rushed downstairs for a meeting.

I've fallen on those stairs before (twice!) so I only walk down the stairs if I'm wearing suitable shoes (not the sandals I was wearing when I fell).

Friday happened to be good shoe day and I walked downstairs.

Our CEO was speaking to two people on the stairs and as I passed them, I happened to hear him say this:

"Part of life is learning to deal with loss"

Wow, it just hit me.

I went to meet my visitors and while waiting for them to sign in, he (the CEO) passed me.

I stopped him and told him that I really needed to hear that.

He is a kind man and asked if everything is okay so I mumbled something about emotional stuff and friendships and "don't worry, it's really nothing" but of course, it is.

Still, he is a very kind man and so he smiled kindly and off I went to meet my clients and off he went to do CEO stuff.

But once I started processing it, I realised that it really is true.

I need to get over this.

There is a loss in the sense that I thought things would go one way with this group and now I need to deal with the loss of that vision/ idea that the second group was/ is as important as I think it is.

When we were all infertile, we made sure we were at the infertility group come hell or high water. Nothing stood in our way of those Monday night meetings, ever.

(I used to even move my coaching appointments, which is unheard of, for me)

A couple of friends from the group emailed me (they are all too chicken to leave comments - JOKING!) and told me it's not me, yada yada yada.

If I think about it intellectually, I know this to be true.

But still, these things hurt.

I do love when they challenge me though.

Of course there is a bit more to it than a few lines in a blog post.

However, this is my issue and I have to deal with it.

People have a right to attend functions they want to and not to attend functions they don't want to.

That is the truth of the matter.

I still don't know why these things bother me so much but they do.

Maybe it's that whole opening up thing? I'm all open and tender and easily hurt.

Anyway, that is it.

I am closing the chapter on this issue. I choose to not get offended anymore and I can also choose not to attend functions.

Things happen but how I choose to respond is all up to me.


What was the most unlikely advice you've ever received?
Or just give me your best thoughts on dealing with loss :) (MandyH I loved yours - "Just bleed and get over it.")

P.S. Last week MIL spent 2.5 hours with the babies. Things are looking up - in about 10 years time, we should be able to take a weekend away :)


  1. Oh I need to remember this one.

  2. Bahahahahaa...I don't remember any advice, but your P.S. made me jump for joy!

  3. Such true words.
    I am not good at remembering advice - only the one's which make a great impact on my life.
    The one I will always remember is:
    "It does not help to run away from one's problem - they will chase you wherever you go."

  4. One of the biggest tenets of true yoga practice is detachment. It's also the one that has changed my life the most - I am not my clothes, my car, my body, my house, my marital status, my friendships. I simply am. When you stop identifying with things (including people), you suddenly are given the ability to embrace them on a whole new level... and there is no loss. Bless it and let it go ;-)

  5. Anonymous3:56 pm

    Hi M, well honestly from my persepective you need to let go and not let things like this get to you!! I mean if i personally have to look back over the past 2 years or even 3 its been like a whirlwind thats come and gone and now a new one is coming through....People change and their goals change. Before these girls were mothers they had time on their hands and happy go lucky husbands that did not mind being left alone on a Monday or Saturday etc.They now have 1 or maybe 2 babies/toddles and its not so easy for them or even the mother anymore to just come and go. Another thing is we are all very different and seek and need different things at different stages of our lives and you can not take this to heart really let it go. Its not you or your fault but goals change in each and everyones life.... I am personally going through so many changes and challenges that at the age of 28 I never thought would come my way! YOu can not allow individual peoples action effect you..... actually maybe they need you in another way and not in a mother and baby group, of an infertility group. Life changes for us all we need to be sensitive to each and everyones decisions and again i say don't take them to heart its not you!!!!!! Anyways hope i made sense.

  6. Beautiful post. I love getting to this point. The point when I have been fighting something and I get to a place of surrender and acceptance. It really is so empowering and so freeing at the same time.

    I have received loads of good advice over the years. I think I will do a post on it.

    As for dealing with loss, I go with it. I cry and rage and scream and throw stuff and do what I need to do to get it out of my system. And then I surrender it. And when I get to that point of surrender I usually feel total peace with it. There is no better feeling in the world than that absolute peace about a situation. But it is painful to get to that point sometimes.

    Love the comment by theluckylife. So apt and so true. I had forgotten about that. I really should go back to yoga. I am missing my awareness limb.

  7. That has totally been my motto this weekend! :)

    Advice is a terrible thing, it usually leads to assvice when asked for. That said, being told to put myself first was the best advice I've ever received and never followed.

  8. I fidn myself saying what that man says, all the time, to all kinds of people, often in horribly inappropriate circumstances. So much of life IS about coming to terms with loss - I think facing IF brings that into sharp focus for lots of people, and then that perspective helps to make sense of bits of the rest of life. But for lots of other people - not so much, I've found out! Gotta stop saying it :)

  9. Unlikely advice...well, once upon a time many moons ago when I was married, my hubby back then was fairly emotionally abusive, and I took a little me time-out at a friend's house after some or another rough fall-out.

    I actually had grand ideas of crashing on the couch for the night but he said to me,(I'm quoting, so excuse the nickname - I feel it's an important part of the story), "Lulubear, don't you think you're a bit old to run away from home. Go there and sort it out - one way or another."

    I did. Was one of the best but hardest things I ever did. Feb marked my 9 year anniversary of my freedom day.

    I think it was really good advice, that certainly sped things along a bit, if it didn't change my life.


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