Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Of friendship

Since I've spoken a lot on friendship on this blog, I thought I'd share these two links with you.

They are excellent.

I particularly resonate with this one on cultivating deep, intentional friendships.

I know I've been somewhat apologetic about wanting meaningful connections but no more.

This is me and maybe it's my age but that's what I want.

I find myself slightly irritated if I only talk superficially with friends.

There's a time for lightheartedness but there's also a time for deep connection.

I found myself saying to a friend the other day, "we'll chat on Facebook" and I kept thinking about those words over and over.

I don't want to be a FB friend only. I want to engage properly, whether in-person, on the phone or by email, but not in sound bites.

When did we start thinking it's enough to connect by saying, "cute pic" or "have fun" or similar, quick comments on Facebook?

I think we may be losing the power of real connection.

I haven't fully thought this out and there's no solution but it's just the kind of thing I've been thinking of.

My one friend suggested a "date" either with me alone, or with kids and husbands, and I genuinely had things on all the time and dates I had to keep free for work, etc. BUT it made me feel like such a flake, especially because she stepped up and said, "let's get together" and I do want to do it, and yet I couldn't seem to make it happen.

Yesterday I came clean with her and said I really DO want to see you; life is just crazy busy. So at least I don't feel like a flake and she doesn't think I'm disinterested.

Since one of the things on my Mondo list is to have deeper friendships with more people (who may already be in my life but I'm leaving it open anyway), I thought I'd share this link on how to get more friends, just in case there are others like me out there.

I find it much more difficult these days to make friends because I don't want to get hurt but my natural style is to be open and honest and share deeply if I trust the person and if I feel like there's reciprocity.

Are most of your friendships superficial or deeper? Which do you prefer, honestly? Do you find it easy to make genuine, deep friends?


  1. I am always open into making new friends but so much times I get hurt. I tend to be the one to reach out, just to receive a slap back by either they are too busy with their own lives or they don't come back to me. I feel like you. I would love to have deeper meaningful friendship relationships.

  2. I think you know my feelings about friendship - looking for real friends. So yes, let's meet. You are one of 3 people on my list that I want to meet this year so let's make this work.

  3. I've come to learn in my "old age" that it's all about quality rather than quantity when it comes to friendships. There are friends who I see maybe 2-3 times a year at our children's b-day parties....the ones that say "oh, we should get together more often" but they have absolutely no intention of setting up a date. Those are the ones who I very rarely give a second thought to.

    But the ones who pick up the phone and call "just to say hello because I was thinking of you"....well, those are the ones I invest my time and emotion in.

    Life is too short for superficial friendships!

  4. I absolutely crave deep connection and this is one of the reasons why I have a love/hate relationship with FB. I can't really do superficial - I am a bit too intense for this. I have very few friends. I don't really make friends easily and it takes a while for me to trust someone. I have learnt to be more open about it and embrace it when it happens.

  5. The older I get, the more I value the friendships I have in my family. Other than that, I find it really hard to make and keep really deep friends. I'm sure that I'm at least 50% of the problem. It's not easy, is it? I thought it would get so simple after high school was over!

  6. Currently, most of my friendships are superficial. It's all I have time for right now. I try to make things more meaningful (even had coffee with a preschool Mom that I barely know the other day), but it's hard. My mind is in 400 different places and taking time to cultivate these relationships is not as easy.

    That being said, I know I have a core group of friends that are true to me and will be after I emerge from this fog of young children. That's just the way it is and we all get it.

  7. I have such a hard time making and maintaining friendships. I think being a transient military wife doesn't help. When I feel close to someone, one of us moves, making it hard.

  8. Hmm - tough one! My DH has a saying - "You can't make new old friends". I wish making friends as adults was as easy as when we were little kids.

    "Hi, can I play with you?" :o)

  9. Actually I love my all friends...Friendship is great relation in our life...

  10. Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies. ~Aristotle obtained from
    Soul Quotes

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