Monday, August 29, 2011

Kissing in front of your kids

Well, it's often the things I think are so innocent that are not!

Today I sent one of my pins to the girls in the office and said, "hopefully the kids will co-operate at our next photo shoot".

Source: None via Marcia on Pinterest

One person said, "that will NEVER happen with us" and I said, "why?"

She said, "we never kiss in front of them".

My colleague (a man) and I said together, "WHAT?!!!! NEVER???!!!!!"

"Never," she said.

And so it started.

It's not their don't need to kiss to show love and on and on.

I then said, "waitaminute, I don't mean full-on kissing" but that didn't make a lick of difference.

Another had joined the "healthy conversation" at this point and added that it's a cultural thing to not kiss in front of the kids.

It's a white thing to do so. On and on and on.

Oh my word!

That got me very hot under the collar.

I can't remember how it ended but I do know it was sudden - a rushing off to a meeting-type of sudden - and so later while I was waiting for my massage (new therapist didn't pitch!), I wondered if I'd offended colleague 2. Colleague 1 is like me and wouldn't even have blinked (a T) at the conflict.

I really love and value Colleague 1's different opinions generally, so I sent a text to apologise if I'd offended her in any way by my hot-headed opinions on "the kissing thing".

I got back a text saying something like, "absolutely not. I love our fearless debates." LOL

That's all fine but here's my stance:

  • I didn't grow up with PDA around me, except for us kissing my granny, and my father hugging us.
  • D & I are personally very huggy/ kissy with both the kids and each other. We kiss hello and good-bye and hug and kiss while we're waiting for the babies to finish their food in the kitchen :)
  • Yes, Kendra already gives us The Look to which we reply, "we are also allowed to kiss each other, not just you guys".
  • I want my kids to feel comfortable getting and giving affection at home so they don't go looking for it (esp K) elsewhere.

But enough about me.

How did you grow up and what goes on at your house?

PS No, physical touch is not my love language.

PPS Rebecca, did you figure out the pinning into the blog?


  1. Definitely kissing and affection! My parents were very affectionate with each other and we loved it as kids! Of course we would do the "ewwww" thing, but it is nice to know that my parents loved each other and that it is healthy to show that love. So most definitely FOR IT!

  2. I so want a picture of my family like this!! Way too sweet!! I come from a family that has always shown affection! Of course it was always G rated! ;-) Todd and I do the same! Nothing wrong with lots of kisses and hugs!! We always kiss goodbye and goodnight. We always say love you when ending a phone conversation. I love getting hugs and kisses from my babies! If they didn't learn it from us...who woud they learn it from?!?!

  3. What a beautiful photo of your family!

    I didn't grow up seeing my parents be affectionate with one another--in fact, one time I caught my mom sitting my dad's lap, and felt very uncomfortable! :)

    That said--Brad and I are affectionate--I think it's important for our children to see us being affectionate and loving one another. How else are they going to learn what a healthy marriage looks like? Of course, I mean holding hands, kissing "hello" and "goodbye"--things like that. I think children should see their parents being affectionate and loving one another. I think that's really important and healthy.

    Just my thoughts. My love language isn't physical touch either, but I think it's still an important part of marriage. :)

  4. Love Julia's comment.

    My parents were not affectionate at all when I was growing up. They divorced when I was ten (my dad was being affectionate with someone else, apparently...she's been my stepmother for nearly 20 years now...can't believe I just made a joke about that!) and my mom never dated. Jeremy and I are more playful than affectionate, but we do kiss in front of the girls and we are always hugging, sitting next to one another, etc.

    It's important to me that we show the girls that our relationship is important too...they are a product of us loving one another, after all, so I want them to see us showing that love and affection to each other!

  5. We kiss - we often tease the kids now. They are bigger and kissing grosses them out so we do the fake tv kind of smooches and they bolt from the room :)

    D is more affectionate than me but there is still loads of kissing and cuddling and and that goes on.

    I think its actually important that kids see that.

    My parents werent really affectionate with us but were with each other and still are.

    Without sounding judgemental by not showing these natural kinds of shows of affection you are implying they are "bad" and should be hidden - thats not cool!

  6. Oh gosh, we definitely kiss in front of the kids - although we might turn down the passion. My hubby is very touchy feely and the kids too - I might be the least physical touch person in the household.

    We think it is important for them to learn that love is good, and should be shown. Maybe we are a bit hippy-ish on this.

    Neither of us grew up like this, although H family is very huggy etc and mine not. It's our little family's thing.

  7. I beleive that in order for children to be comfortable receiving and giving affection (to their siblings and parents) they need to grow up with it around them.

    And for heaven's sake - it's not like you're having s.e.x on the couch in front of them!

    A kiss and a cuddle goes a long way to ensuring an intimate marriage. Imagine if you had to wait till the kids weren't around to do that? Horrid.

    I love the pic also - saw it on pintrest and though it would make a great photo shoot pic x

  8. I feel like you. I feel it is necessary to have my kids see how affectionate we are as a mother and father. It shows them how a healthy marriage relationship should look like. I have never in my life heard of anyone say or even saw, that they don't show of believe in not showing affection towards each other in front of their kids. It's so interesting to read these kind of stories on your blog - our country sure are diverse in cultural.
    Back to point - me and hubby do kiss in front of our kids, hug as well and cuddle.

  9. Oh, I think its really important for kids to see that of their parents. I think it gives kids a feeling of security to see their parents showing affection to one another. I know that there are other ways to show love but kissing and hugging are probably the biggest non-verbal ones and as such carry a powerful message.

    Also, doesn't NOT doing it in front of your kids send some sort of message that its wrong? And then what are they to think when they see tons of other people kissing - in public, in movies and TV, on ads. Not that parents should dictate what they do because of pop culture but you do have recognize the greater culture in which you choose to raise your children and appreciate how they will learn from it, not just from you as their parent.


  11. Hugs and kisses all the way! Only after reading articles on how "the best thing you can do for your child is to love their mom/dad" issue, did I realise how cool and special it was to have grown up seeing my Mom and Dad love each other. A touch, a kiss, a needed hug -- special.

  12. Kissing is as natural as hugging and there is no need to hide it. It happens in our house and my DH and I both grew up seeing affection between our parents so it doesn't feel weird to us to be affectionate with one another in front of our kids...

  13. Not only do I think it's "permissable" for a husband and wife to kiss in front of their children...I think it's really important to do so! I believe that one of our many, many jobs as parents is to show our children what a healthy marital relationship is...including how to disagree...and how to be respectfully affectionate with one another.

    We have family snuggle time on the couch, and I love to crawl in my hubby's lap (where the girls would normally sit)...they think it's hilarious. :)

    Hubby are I are making a conscious effort to kiss each other hello and goodbye. We hadn't been doing Hubby is all about heading straight to the shower when he gets home from teaching...but I finally convinced him that a quick peck won't hurt anything. :)

    Great discussion point, Marcia!

  14. No, I did not, but truth be told, I haven't spent very much time on it. I keep breaking my Reader to just below 200 posts each morning never to return until the next morning. I'm hopelessly behind! Can't wait until the Crazies start preschool!!!

    I grew up in a single-mother home, so I never saw this sort of thing. We kiss hello and good bye and a random one every now and then. I think it's very important for the Crazies to see us love each other.

  15. What a lovely photo. DH and I are both very affectionate...and it turns out our boys must have gotten it from us;-)

  16. I grew up with kissing being the norm for family greetings - I haven't always been thrilled by it, but it is what it is.

    For Nicola I can't really answer if I would kiss my partner in front of her (hahaha, since I don't have one - but I imagine I would), and I certainly kiss Nicola all the time.

    I never want her to feel uncomfortable doing anything kissing related, so my rule is that if she doesn't want to kiss someone hallo or goodbye I never force her (I got forced when I was a kid and I HATED it, especially kissing old ladies who smelled like mothballs and had wrinkly lips!).

    I don't even make Nicola kiss me. I usually kiss her on her forehead, and when she feels like it we have a lip kiss.

  17. I'm anti touch. Not that I think it's wrong, it's just not my thing. And my husband always is holding my hand or has his hand on my back or an arm around me. It took a lot for me to get used to that.

    I get all uncomfortable when a friend or whatever hugs me. My friend Connie always says I'm more of the punch on the shoulder type LOL

    That said, I think it's such a positive and healthy thing for the kids to see us be affectionate and lovey to each other.


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