Monday, August 22, 2011

On being conspicuous

Claudia has this linky thing going on about being conspicuous and so I decided to participate.

I'm not even a 10th of a writer like she is so this is not going to be all deep and meaningful :)

I felt the need to put in that disclaimer in case the people from her blog come to visit.

Right, moving on.


I have never had a problem standing out from the crowd.

I did ballet, modern, Spanish, etc, etc so was in the limelight from a really young age.

And, dare I say it, I loved it :)

I don't mind being the weird one wearing, driving, living the life most people don't want to wear, drive or live.

I like being different. And I love different and unique people.

I've also always stood out and been conspicuous for academics - again, no problem because these were all really positive experiences.

(Now I think I may have been hated by some kids because it all came so easily to me but at the time I was oblivious)

Then D and I met and married, and we had a bit of the being conspicuous because we're a mixed race couple.

Strangely, I got more looks being with him than I did with a previous Indian boyfriend and we REALLY had colour differences :) (I would link to his FB profile to show you but that just feels wrong LOL)

That didn't bother me though because it is what it is and I honestly felt that other people were silly for letting the race thing be an issue. We loved each other and that was that. Even in South Africa pre-1994 :)

However, when we were diagnosed with infertility, I hated it.

I hated not being able to do what millions of women do so easily.

I didn't want to be conspicuous in that way.

A negative way.

It was the first time in my life things didn't go easily or my way.

Who wants to be the 1 in 6, or whatever the stat is now?

As you all know, that particular story had a good ending.

And now despite not wanting to be negatively conspicuous, we are because we have twins.

We do get stopped by people especially when we have the babies (yes at 2!) in their pram. Somehow they don't attract the same attention running loose.

Also, Connor is now 8 cm taller than Kendra :)

But especially when people hear that we have twins, I become conspicuous.

I like being noticed in the "ooooh, twins! How do you do it?" way as it is hard work and nice to know that some people get it.

When it's in the "ooooh, twins! Are they natural or IVF twins, and isn't IVF expensive?" way, it's of the not-nice variety.

I'm very proud to have had the opportunity to live in a day and age where we could afford (with much savings, but still) IVF and have access to incredible doctors.

When people say that if you choose to have infertility treatment you're not in faith, I say HOGWASH.

Science can only get so far but then it's God all the way, baby!

So that's not good because who wants to discuss their less-than-stellar lady bits with complete strangers? I don't want to even discuss it with my gynae!

Anyway, this is all a bit of a ramble but I want to end by saying, if I had to endure being conspicuous even in a negative way for these two wonderful kids, then it has all been worth it.


How do you feel about being conspicuous? Do you like standing out from the crowd?

P.S. Click and read Claudia's Matt Damon Index post. As an aside, I'm very naughty because I always say to D that I feel SOOOO sorry for "the other one" (Ben Affleck) because he's the one that didn't make it big :)

PPS I do wonder how this will translate to my parenting my kids, especially Kendra, who is very sensitive, but that's a topic for another day.


  1. It took me a lot of time to realizes that indeed I am more comfortable to be the one that stand out - that is different. Now I am totally ok.

    The twins - well, we still use our stroller from time to time (yes, I know they are almost 4! And gosh yes, the positive and negative twin comments - one should do a whole post on it.

  2. I am always happy for other people who don't mind to stand out - I on the other hand struggles with the thought of standing out. The less you see me, the happier I am. So good or you.

  3. I used to think I wasn't noticable growing up, but the older I got the more comfortable I've been with being conspicous. I've been in mixed race relationships before and noticed that people do look. My DH and I are not in a mixed race relationship, but most people think we are, as they can't pinpoint where they think DH is from. We've gotten Puerto Rican, Israli, Italian (which I am), Spanish. It cracks us up. Having twins has definitely made us stand out as well, and this weekend I almost wanted to tell someone to put their eyes back in their head they were staring at the boys so much, LOL. I know I also don't do much to discourage me standing out of a crowd. I usually tell people it's easy to pick out the blondest person you'll ever meet! And it's so not my real hair color. Mine is really closer to Phoebe's.

  4. I don't like standing out at all. I would rather be the one in the background.

  5. Hmmm….I saw that link of Claudia and wanted to add to it - haven’t had a chance for it yet. It’s tricky because I find this to be such a complex subject.
    I do not particularly like being conspicuous. I embrace it if I need to (especially if I’m being conspicuous in a good way) but I don’t go looking for it – I am private and very shy. I am VERY conspicuous – mostly because of my children, who are a each challenge in their own way. The interesting thing for me is that they don’t realise that they are drawing attention and making me/us conspicuous which for me brings home the fact that adults look for drama (sometimes where there isn’t any) and that they are the ones who bring the whole conspicuous thing to the fore. Going to read the other posts on this link to see if there is a common theme. Maybe I’ll will write something on this after all.

  6. Im' sorry I'm so late to the party, Marcia! I absolutely love this post - it's great to get such a different perspective on this - someone whose kids aren't adopted and someone who doesn't mind standing out! I read an ad for a handbag today and it said 'this will really make you stand out!' and while it was a gorgeous handbag that made me think 'oh, no thanks!'

    I totally agree, though, that it is SO NICE when people acknowledge how hard it is having two babies. That's the one thing I really like about people noticing us - sometimes people (strangers) are really supportive and that is great. I guess that's a good thing whether you are an I type or an E type :)

    Loved reading this!

    (ps - thanks for saying kind things about my writing - it made me laugh that the first thing you talked about that YOU love doing is dancing - oh boy that is one thing I CANNOT do. I always loved being in school musicals and so on but my dancing is so bad that I always ended up in the back row. I can do hands OR feet but not hands AND feet. Embarrassing!)

  7. I love it...shocker, right?

    Like you, I hated when it was for something negative, but I had to turn it into something positive...hence, the blog. Love the blog.


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