Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Where are you on the strict scale?

So I went to a talk last week called Shaping the will without breaking the child.

That's always been my concern with this discipline thing.

I love spunky, sassy kids (and looks like I got two of them!) and yet I also love well-mannered kids.

How do you find the balance?

D went to a talk by the same lady in Feb (I was babysitting since it was near where he works) and that's where he learnt about time-outs.

I still don't believe that time-outs in the same format work for every child.

I felt that Connor's personality was changing to slightly fearful and I love that God made him brave and fearless.

I won't rehash the past but I think we have a nice balance with him now.

 This is Kendra in time-out and Connor decided to keep her company
As an aside, when my husband sent me the newsletter, I saw there was this talk happening and sent it out to all my friends.

Maybe it's just me but I get a bit irritated if people just ignore me. Some did say they weren't prepared to travel to Greenstone, etc. or didn't feel they needed it, etc. so those are not the problem. I just don't know why people don't say "thanks but no thanks".

Is it just me or would you also get annoyed?

 I absolutely go to anything by myself but also think of these things as time to see friends.
One friend accepted my meeting invite and so we met up there. She'd dragged her sister along and so the three of us had a lovely time laughing, eating, drinking and hopefully learning too.

My best part was connecting with the two of them for 30 minutes before the thing started.

I first got all hot under the collar (you all do use this phrase, right? :)) but then calmed down a little and I've now decided to only send these things to the people who do respond.

Okay, back to the talk.

This woman is a brilliant marketer. Her talk was comprehensive enough and yet she seeded it so well with links to all her products and services that I was gobsmacked at how subtle and authentic it was.

Moving on...

I consider myself a strict mother. On a scale of 1 - 10, I'd probably be a 7.

But wow. If I had to do everything she suggests, even I would have to ramp it up on the strict scale.

I have a meeting so can't finish talking now...

Where do you rate on the strict scale?


  1. I would rate myself a 7 on your scale with my children and a total "walk over" with my grandchildren.

  2. LOL Lynette, I love it :)

  3. Well, I haven't really thought of it until you posted this question. I'm not sure where I might fall on the "Scale"...I have very clear rules and boundaries and when they are broken, there are consequences. I don't allow them to touch "non-children" items (because when we visit other people I don't want them thinking everything and anything is a "toy"), although they are not talking yet..I ALWAYS say something like "Say thank you", "Say Excuse Me", "Say Please" in hopes on day it will just "come out" LOL! If they have "conflict" with one another I allow them to try to work it out unless I have to step in and then we have "discussions" and I have been known to give a hand slap or two if my "1-2-3" countdown is ignored.

    So, I suppose I might be around an 8???? Great thought provoking post...I may have to get back to you when they are a little older. :)

    Happy Monday!

  4. Ok, I had to come back and "bump" myself up to a 9...LOL!

    I forgot that I had purchased Ave and Bryce their own "Time Out" stools with their names personalized on them when I was still pregnant...LOL! (I will have to post pics one day)

    I haven't started time out's yet??? Not sure when I should...I need that seminar I think! ;)

  5. I would place myself different places on the scale for different reasons... Generally, I am very laid back, so I would say a 5 or so on a normal basis. But at times, I put up with NO nonsense, such as holding hands or staying right with me in a public place...at times, I am an 8 or 9 in that regard. So maybe a 6-7 on average? I am terrible at placing myself on a "scale", but you always make me think about it! : )

    Currently, we are working on getting A & M to understand that we mean for them to do something the first time we say it. The 1,2,3 system is helping a lot in that regard!

  6. i'm always a 10 when i should be a 1, and vice versa! still much work to do on myself :)

  7. Mmmm...this is tricky. I believe that I am more fair than strict. In my home there are certain things that are not negotiable, like please and thank you and routines. I am more relaxed about other things like splashing and wetting the bathroom floor while you are in the bath - as long as you clean up after yourself. I do believe that kids will always be kids but there does need to be a balance based on what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. I usually ask myself this question when I am unsure:

    How would I feel if my child practiced the behaviour (whatever it is) outside the confines of my home. How would I feel if my child practiced the behaviour when we are visiting friends or family? Or when we are in a restaurant? Would I be embarrassed about it? Would I feel comfortable with it? Would it be something that I could brush off?

    Based on the answer to this question I decide if the matter is something that I’m going to be strict (I really hate that word – I prefer firm) about or not.

    Ps…my parents were super strict. They are both teachers and obviously had this idea of what they expected from their kids. The affected children (not all of us)turned out fine. AFTER we went through a seriously rebellious phase. I do wish that they were more willing to talk about things instead of just laying down the law and doling out punishment. I think my teenage years would have been VERY different for all of us.

  8. I'm strict about some stuff, more lenient about others. I guess I'm a 'pick your battles' kind of parent.

    I do not tolerate bad behavior in public, whining, etc.

    I have found through the years that different forms of discipline work for different kids. What worked with my 15 year old did not work with my 13 or 12 year old.

  9. I am extremely strict with my children. Sometimes I have to remind myself that they are still little and to let some things go. I am a perfectionist and sometimes that makes me strict with my children because I want them to be perfect or I feel like I am a bad mom.

    I would say I am a 9, but I guess it works because my kids are very well behaved but also are sassy :) We use 1,2,3 magic as our discipline method for our kids 1, 4, and 7 years old.

  10. 1) i love when my kids keep each other company in time out :)

    2) it's hard to rank myself on a scale. there are things that are non-negotiable: safety, being kind to others, etc. We used to give a warning about biting/hitting/jumping off stairs, but now for these non-negotiable things there is no warning and kids go immediately to time out. often times i just look at them and they put themselves there!! other things i'm strict about where my husband is less strict. he will make 1000 things for dinner if they don't eat what he originally made. i'll make one thing and sit with them and take time to see if they eat it before i make something else.

    3) mostly i really just try to make sure that it is clear that i am the parent. i want to have a loving relationship with my child, but i also want it to be very clear that there's a hierarchy. does that sound bad?

  11. I am fairly strict, but also fair and we are also fun with the kids. We have very clear behaviour expectations and yes, we do sometimes do the time out thing. Because our kids know what we expect they are really well behaved! I think it is important to have some form of discipline. Somebody who was once a friend believes that everything is about her little boy. She calls him a sensitive little person when actually he is really just a spoilt brat. He will smack his mum, he will shout at her when he doesn't get his way and by her own admittance he never apologises for anything. He never ever has to take responsibility for his actions and always getting away with it. She's digging so many holes for herself and one day I think it is going to come back and bite her in the backside!

  12. I'm not sure what kind of rating I would give myself. On some things I am super strict and others don't really phase me at all. Probably about a 6 or so. Luckily my kid is more or less an angel so I don't have to discipline her much at all. ;-)

  13. Anonymous12:10 am

    Grow up and quit complaining that not everyone is like you!!

  14. I think I am also about a 7 - not overly, and sometimes give in a bit. But also not a walk over. I love it that it has been months since we last had to do more than a stern talk to the 6 year old. To me that is results.

  15. Haha...looks like you've pissed "Anonymous" off...damn non-RSVPers.

    I'm a 7/8. I have to remain consistent, but there are times that I bend the rules. I'm much more strict than Husband...

  16. I am a pretty strict mother. I know it and my kids know it and sometimes being so strict, do backfire sometimes as well. I just can't help it. I want the best for them by not letting them get hurt and thus I am strict - like 9/10 strict.

  17. MMM it depends on the day and that is my biggest "issue" as a parent - I lack consistency :(

    But over all I am probably a 6/7 - I choose my battles though and the ones I choose to fight I fight hard and with relative consistency!

    I do find that different things work for each of my children so it often appears I am stricter with one but really they do get treated the same!

  18. I think 'strictness' is quite subjective and most parents I know will say they run a tight ship! Things change radically as kids grow up and boundaries stretch and often the scales go up and down. Always good to chat and share stories and ideas with other parents. I just asked my kids if THEY think I am strict, their reply?

    You are sort of in the middle mom. When we are naughty you are very strict but otherwise you are not!!

    Lol - there you have it . I would put myself at a 7/8.

  19. This is a tough question for me, Marcia. I would probably say I'm a 7 or so...BUT...I think I create scenarios in which the girls can "be kids" safely, so I don't have to be so strict. Our girls are still in a baby-proof environment most of the time at home. Hindsight being 20/20, I don't know if I would do it exactly the same if I had it to do again, but it allows me to let them run and do without me having to discipline constantly.

    For me, I think it's about establishing parameters, boundaries, and expectations that are reasonable and age-appropriate. As long as the girls operate within those boundaries, we can all have a good time.

    I think our girls are well-adjusted (whatever that means, exactly!)...I say that judging by how they behave outside our house, which 93% of the time, is very well. :)

  20. gee I take timeout from blogs for a couple of days and miss all the excitement!

    I'm a strict mother. I'd say i'm an 8. I don't take nonsense. I speak once, otherwise i take action.

    Unless of course you are my gorgeous, red headed, freckled 5 year old who has the ability to completely walk all over me without me even realising it!

    And re the anon - i had an anon on my blog a while ago (hence the reason i'm now private) and it turned out to be a friend of mine who i had parted ways with some time ago. she didn't want to be my friend but also couldn't seem to resist still following my life?

  21. I think I am too fluid when it comes to discipline and being strict. Overall I am very rigid with schedule and discipline and I want to say I am strong 8-9. However something happens after 6:30. I am tired, the girls are tired, and I melt. I make exceptions of cranky, tired babies. I don't want to put up a fight or throw them in time out, much less hear them scream, because they are too tired to follow the rules.

    I guess Deanna and I are in the same boat!

    I'm also starting to get into child-led learning so I'm trying to say no far less and encourage them to explore and learn. That often goes against some of the established rules. So much for consistency huh!

    I also love the drama the anon's turn up. Makes you wonder who they really are!


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