Friday, December 23, 2011

My fake family

So I was feeling fine about Kendra being in the hospital until I got there this afternoon and ... D and his mom are gabbing away. I took one look at Kendra and told the nurse to take her temp. Yes, 39.2. Way too high because she is in HOSPITAL. Then they moved it and put something new in her drip and 40 minutes later, she was looking better. I didn't even feel like I could fight properly with the nurses because D was supposed to be looking after her.

Of course, things went downhill from there. Tense me spoiled the mood. MIL left and Connor was crazy.

Connor had been BEGGING to go to the hospital the whole day (poor thing!) and was SO excited to see Kendra so I brought supper with us so we could all eat together.


Connor was too excited to see Kendra and understandably, wanted to see and touch her and the machines (with one finger!) and we kept having to say, "Connor, be gentle" and Kendra was doing the whining thing, "noooo, Connor, nooo. Only want Daddy" and so on.

And so my nice supper went to pot.

Here's where I need to stop and tell you about my fake family.

You all know my one friend calls me a Pollyanna which I am totally cool about. I do try to always look on the bright side.

Even with this hospital thing, K and I had a lovely day yesterday (as lovely as you can have in a hospital), talking, reading, looking at photos, eating, etc. and then when I got home, Connor said, "Connor MISSED Mummy!" with such passion my heart nearly burst from pure happiness.

So I've been thinking at least the 1:1 time is good.

And tonight I had visions of the four of us at least having a nice supper together, sitting on two beds, talking nicely, laughing together, not messing, saying goodnight and then switching roles - D going home with C and me overnighting with K.

You know, my fake family.

What actually happened was craziness, whining, screaming, 1, 2, 3-ing and not enjoying a single minute of it after the first, "HELLO CONNOR!" from Kendra.

That photo shoot last month was another example of me wanting my fake family to behave beautifully when of course, they've not at their best when it's that close to supper, baths and bedtime.

I saw this term "fake family" on a blog somewhere about 6 weeks ago and filed it away in the depths of my mental drafts folder.

It just describes perfectly the mismatch of my expectations vs reality.

I'm also posting this as a reminder to myself that I don't have a fake family and to have no or low expectations this Christmas weekend.

Really, if I emerge in one piece after all the to-ing and fro-ing which is a logistical nightmare when it's just the two of you plus a sick baby, I'll consider it success :)

I love Connor's funny face
I know this is a bad pic but I love it anyway
don't ask - these hands are a new thing
giving Friday a nice, big hug

Do you also have a fake family?


  1. Oh honey. We all have fake families! I cry regularly about my fake family. I HATE that I have these expectations and I do hope that one day I will outgrow them.

    Having a kid in hospital is incredibly exhausting. Lots of to-ing and fro-ing, not sleeping properly, worrying about the other child/ren who are home and who also need you, logistical nightmares, living on adrenalin (literally) and dealing with the emotional impact when it is all over.
    You will emerge in one piece (albeit a somewhat cracked one) and it's going to be fine. Really. Hang in there. You are doing the best you can so give yourself a break.

  2. I want to tell you that you will get through. Even if it doesn't feel like that today.

    It is hard when it is just the 2 of you and you have a child in hospital. And you have to act strong for the sake of your kids even when you feel like having a meltdown. I've been there. The times where Bianca was stuck in hospital was some of the most exhausting I've ever had. And then you get home and you still have to do normal things for the other one.

    Hang in there. Just take a breath. One foot in front of another. It is like running a race. Before you know it your little girl is all better and you will look back at this.

    And yes it is incredibly incredibly sad that you are now stuck in hospital right over Christmas. But your kids don't know dates. So then maybe you do a whole family Christmas thing as soon as your little girl is back home. One year we had to celebrate Christmas a week early because we knew Bianca was going to be on steroids right over Christmas and she would not be in the mood for anything (and we were right. Shortly after Christmas she was in hospital with some or the other infection).

    I want to send you loads of virtual hugs. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Just get through today. That's what I used to tell myself. If I can get through today then I'll be fine.

    Remember you are doing the best you can. Don't be too hard on yourself.

  3. Oh Marcia, I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. LOL We all have fake families! Daily I have my visions crushed. Pick up and carry on.

    I think it's a man thing, I know my DH isn't nearly as attentive as I'd like him to be. I can't imagine being pulled in two different directions and poor Connor has to be so lost. I only wish your one on one time was under different circumstances!

    I second moving Christmas!!

  5. LOL We all have fake families! Daily I have my visions crushed. Pick up and carry on.

    I think it's a man thing, I know my DH isn't nearly as attentive as I'd like him to be. I can't imagine being pulled in two different directions and poor Connor has to be so lost. I only wish your one on one time was under different circumstances!

    I second moving Christmas!!

  6. Our neighbor is a pediatrician. I went over to drop off holiday goodies with him tonight, and I mentioned that I'd intended for the girls to come along, but they hadn't napped this afternoon, and I joked that we had them penned in the den.

    He said, "Yeah, no naps make self restraint pretty hard to come by."

    However you phrase it, there's really something to be said for kiddos who are accustomed to routine, who are taken outside their norm.

    At home / within their routine, I think my girls are pretty darn good kids. They have their moments, but that's to be expected to some degree, given their age.

    When they get outside their when we travel, or when they miss a nap, or when they're hungry...they don't act like "themselves". They don't have that internal guide that helps them act "the way they *should*", like (most?) adults do. ;)

    Give your sweet babies a break...and of course give yourself one, too! You know who they really are, and there's nothing "fake" about that.

    I'm so sorry you didn't have a better visit this evening, but try to roll with it as best you can. Just get through this...I know you will.

  7. I am so, so sorry that Kendra is sick. I will pray that she gets well soon and that your family will be whole again. I wish you a wonderful Christmas with Christ in the midst of it.


  8. Yes...and my fake family lets me down every single time. It's a good thing I still like my actual family.

    Sounds like you guys are doing what you have to do and I'm proud of you for letting go of expectations. This will be a Christmas to remember...just not in the traditional sense (and Connor can always hold this over her head as the Christmas she ruined)!

  9. Oh Marcia, I swear everytime I go off the "grid" for a few days I come back and something terrible is happening with you...THAT'S IT...I must NEVER go off the "grid" for YOU & YOUR Families wellness. (Maybe I can get that Iphone now from Daddy Dave when I tell him about this "situation"...LOL!)

    In all seriousness, so sorry Kendra is are all in my thoughts and prayers!!

    If it helps any, my Fake Family gets me through almost every minute of everday...I swear I get that "dumb-spacey" look on my face when I am "visitng" with all the perfectness and awesomness of my fake family...LOL!

    Sending hugs across the miles...

  10. Ag well you know, mine is just as fake. Noting is ever close to perfect.


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