Friday, February 03, 2012

{Friendship Friday} Are Facebook friends real friends?

So there was a bright spot in yesterday's horrible experience.

I ran into an ex-boss (not my wonderful boss), a real ex-boss (previous company) during the lunch break.

He now works for one of our partner companies who have offices on our campus.

As I was rushing past, he says, "oh wait, we can ask MARCIA. She'll know all about this stuff"

So I go over and meet the girl he was coffee-ing with.

And they ask me about Pinterest.

Which is cool. Because I have opinions. Lots of them.

But that's not the subject of this post.

I start explaining to the girl about getting onto Pinterest and what it's for, and then I say to him, "waitaminute. How do you know I'm on Pinterest?"

I have definitely not spoken to him about crafty stuff (which is when P usually comes up). We mainly talk about living with passion/ purpose and those sorts of things :)

He says, "I check all your status updates on Facebook".


It made me feel ever so slightly creeped out the way I always feel when I don't know people are reading my stuff because they never talk back.

Kind of like when people I know read the blog and never say "hi". (by never I mean less than once a month :))

Kind of like if people had to come into your house, mess up your cushions in your lounge, drink your tea and eat your biscuits and don't even talk to you.


Moving on.

These two are real friends and Facebook friends

That wasn't the thing I want to blog about.

So this girl says, "speaking about Facebook, I ran into someone the other day who I'm FB friends with and they didn't even LOOK at me or say hello"

To which I said, "I know! I got out the lift the other day and saw someone I'm FB friends with and yet we don't speak at work"


The ex-boss said, "you better unfriend him" and I said, "I'm thinking about it".

I won't, of course, because I have a clear little compartment in my mind for my Facebook friends.

It's like Facebook exists in an alternative universe for me, so it's not real life.

How can it be real life when everybody pretends their lives are ever so happy and perfect OR they hint at problems ("oh dear, I didn't see that coming") in vague status updates?

I tend to think if you're hinting at problems on FB in a vague manner and you don't want to deal with things appropriately or you're just looking for drama, then you have bigger problems anyway.

I also refer to Facebook friends as Facebook friends, which I guess for me just means acquaintances.

Because when I talk about proper friends who I chat to on FB, I just say "friends" or "blog friends" (and if they look at me weird then I just say "friends" from then on).

The whole conversation reminded me how we're friends with the whole world on FB and yet we're proper friends with less than 10%.

I have about 20 - 30 people I am proper friends with and they're on Facebook. With this bunch, we talk properly through the message even though I don't see them at all due to distance, etc.

Are your Facebook friends real friends? Do you talk outside of Facebook? Are you even on Facebook? Are we Facebook friends? Do you post vague updates? :)


  1. Oh I am careful on Facebook - I never mention my other social media stuff ther apart from Instagram which is so easy to share pictures with. So if someone really digs they will find the rest, but on the surface not.

    I actuall think of Facebook friend as contacts even - a very basic relationship. Of course the real friends and family that is on Facebook too is a different matter all together .

  2. I love this. It's so true. I agree with Cat that facebook is merely contacts, contacts for networking. Personal stuff, people you really know and care about, is always through private message. I don't talk with many people outside of the house let alone facebook! Most of my real friend though, are not on FB or don't use FB regularly.

    I'm not a vague update, I have been told I use FB like twitter. I give updates about my day. I will confess to being a picture stalker. People know and don't really know alike, there is just something interesting about peeking into people's lives! (And yes I totally judge them by how dirty their house is in the background!!)

  3. We are Facebook friends, but I don't really post much on FB. For me it's more for me to get updates on other people when I'm waiting in line for coffee, LOL.

  4. I have a very small number of Facebook Friends who are real friends. Most? We never connect. I don't know why it is called "friends" anyway, because real friends are people you enjoy spending time with and not lurk in the background just to see what they are up to.

    Hmmm, I just thought of a blog entry I might do....

  5. you're one facebook friend i'd love to have coffee with!

  6. I'm FB friends with the majority of my "real" friends. There are a handful who aren't on FB, and it always throws me for a loop. I've started sending a fair number of emails through FB, and I have to remember with those who don't have FB, and send them separate emails. :)

    I've said before, the majority of my FB friends are people in my hometown, most of whom I haven't seen in close to 20 years. It's been awesome for me to reconnect with that little corner of my world, even virtually. It definitely helps me feel connected - at least in some way - to my upbringing.

    But I HATE vague status updates! You nailed it...much bigger issues there! ;)

  7. I agree, facebook is just random people LOL

    Now, I do participate in private facebook groups with a much smaller number of people, and those are more like real friends

  8. Such a great convo starter always!

    Let's see, I would say the majority of people I am friends with on facebook...I do a "clean-up" every couple months to try to keep things more "real" fact I think I'm due to do that soon!

    Thanks for the reminder... :)

  9. oh man. i have a love hate relationship with fb. i love to get little glimpses into people's lives, keep up to date on people i don't chat with on a regular basis, and see people's pictures.


    some people are chronic oversharers. and that bugs me. i don't care about your poop or your underwear or your sex.

    i also hate the political stuff....mostly b/c B's mom posts it every day and we have differing opinions.

    i read an article a few years about about how you could tell the type of person based on the status updates on fb. i specifically remember them saying that people who were vague were attention seekers :)

  10. Not really a fan of FakeBook, though I do check in there at least once a day. More out of curiosity than anything. I use the message/chat function regularly to catch up with friends. That's all.
    I hate the cryptic updates. AND I hate the over-share. But that's just me.

  11. I am not friends with people on FB that I do not know. Other than blog friends. That is an exception I make because I have met so many of them and have connected quite deeply via blogs.

    But if a vague acquaintance requests my friendship, i don't accept. or i do, and then delete them a couple of days later.

    I'm quite open on FB in that a lot of my family/friends are overseas/around teh world and it is an easy platform on which to share my kids achievements/photos etc.

    But i think twice when updating my status and never do the vague hinting at story. that is just lookign for attention in my mind.

    If i were you i would delete those people who cannot even greet you. that is flippin rude.

    And hello, btw! Have hardly been reading/commenting on blogs. Have actually taken a huge timeout from social media and loving it. x

  12. For me it's a mixed bag if real friend, just fb friends and family on there. I hardly ever post anything in the status field but I do let my blogfeed pop up in fb too.

  13. Some of my real-life friends are also on FB, but most of my FB friends are old friends like people I was at school with or old boyfriends etc. I like to see what people are up to, what their wives/husbands and kids look like! And I don't ofetn comment on your blog because I find it time consuming, but I do read it...

  14. April and I could be twins.

    I totally have a love hate relationship with FB. I got off it for a month and a half last year and it was so refreshing. In some ways, I just want to get off all together and in other ways, I like being able to keep tabs on people.

    Most of my FB friends are real friends. Some are friends I've had from HS or college that I could probably completely unfriend.

    I don't mention blogging or hardly ever post any status updates; I use it mostly to keep up with other people.

  15. Hmm. honestly, 50% of my Facebook "friends" are family, 20% real friends, and the other 20% are "Facebook friends", haven't met them, but started getting to know them through blogs and the other 10% are very old friends that I've lost "connection" with, but slowly building up again through FB.

    I've installed that new thing that you can see who's visiting your page on FB, and my details are all very private (not available to public), I'm a bit scared of "strange people" out there...

    Lol, I'll never forget when I started blogging, it felt awkward walking in the streets, because it felt like people would know who we are ;)

    I must say, I'm a bit careful with updates on FB, specially when I need to vent about work, as my work can see all my updates etc.

    FB is more for me to see what others are up to, very stalker like ;) But I do "like" or comment most of the time if the internet is not giving me hassles...

  16. Oh, I love this post of yours because I feel the same way about FB than you do.
    To get to your question: Some of the friends I have on FB are real friends and others are just FB friends. I also got it where I walked passed someone who I know is my FB friend and they did not even say "Hi." So I get what you say.

  17. We (you and I) are FB friends...actually, I just sent you a message yesterday.

    I loathe vague updates.

    I much prefer to post strange videos of the Crazies! LOL


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