Monday, March 26, 2012

While I don't look for confrontation...

I also don't shy away from it.

A lot has happened over the last 3 days.

On Friday morning V got the kids eating breakfast and I called her aside and said I needed to talk to her.

I asked her straight out, "V, are you pregnant?"

And she said yes.

I asked her how far she is and she said 5 months. So then I said, "how do you know?"

And she said the last time she went to the doctor she was 4 months along and that was a month ago.


So then I said that I need her to go back to the doctor the next day (Saturday) and ask him how many WEEKS she is, when she is due and when she needs to stop work.

I stopped short of making a list for her...

And that was where we left it.

Meanwhile, D and I had a date afternoon and decided that we would rather she left to go on maternity leave and find another job than subject the children to a new person for 3 months, V again for 3 months and then they go to school and yet another person (not a proper nanny).

So this morning she arrives and I rush off in my towel with my wet hair to get dressed.

I asked her (in the minute I had before rushing out the door) if she went and what the doctor said.

She is 23 weeks!

I said, "V, that's closer to 6 months than 5!"

And she added that the doctor said she should stop work soon.

Off I went to work.

I phoned Ruth (agency) this afternoon and we discussed everything.

This afternoon I came home a bit earlier to have time to talk to her.

She wants to leave in TWO weeks. Remember she still has not been forthcoming about anything.

This time I asked, "V, when were you planning to tell us about your pregnancy?"

She said, "well, I was feeling fine so..." (that's it - nothing else added)

At which point I got cross.

I said, "V, it's really not fair to suddenly spring TWO WEEKS on me when we would not even KNOW you were pregnant if I didn't ask you"

She didn't say anything. What can she say?!

So I said, I will do my very best to find someone quickly but I think end of April is reasonable.

She agreed but I'm still going to work HARD to get someone suitable quickly.

And now I'm so stressed I need to go to gym. On a MONDAY night. Yes.

Meanwhile, how was your Monday???


  1. Sjoe my friend. I would be livid too! I would LOVE to know when she planned on telling you about it. I cannot believe the way she is handling this and essentially disrespecting her employers.
    I hope that you find the BEST person for the job ASAP.
    My Monday was busy with work plus private stuff which I'm still trying to resolve. Oh, and I skipped exercise. Because I just wasn't in the mood to sweat.
    Hope your workout leaves you WAY less stressed and WAY more energised.
    Much love.

  2. I'm sorry, Marcia. It's so very frustrating, among many other things, when other people don't share the same senses of courtesy and respect for others, particularly in such a very, very critical role.

    I hope you were able to blow off some steam at the gym, and that you'll be able to resolve things quickly and evenly.

    Hugs to you!

  3. oh my goodness! i can't believe this. i get very frusterated with people who lie or who are not forthcoming. when was she going to tell you??? this is pure disrespect.

    i'm hopeful that you find someone quickly and can just be done with it!!!

  4. I would have totally livid! Gosh, unacceptable. Is is however ok to not give her job back after maternity leave? I mean labour law wise?

    And here's my snake in the grass idea - why not send them to school now? Maybe this is a sign to do it? Does the school of your choice have spots open?

  5. oh WOW. I wonder what she was thinking? or maybe she wasn't and was just avoiding dealing with it? I wish you luck to find someone soon who you really trust and click with for the kids.



  6. Grrr! I'm angry for you! I hope you find someone new quickly... from all of the things I've read about V, it is probably best that you replace her. I know that's so hard on the babies, but perhaps you'll find someone wonderful... who is also forthcoming and PUNCTUAL! :)

  7. Ag no man, I just cannot believe she tried to keep it away from you!! That is just so wrong. Hope you find someone suitable soon!!

  8. I'm really sorry to read that you are in such an uncomfortable situation with your nanny. It sucks especially because she could not tell you, when she was planned to tell you about the pregnancy and maternity leave. Good luck.

  9. Oh man I loathe this kind of stuff!!!!

    The work ethic is just non-existant in this country (yes a sweeping generalisation)

    Good luck with finding a replacement - this stresses me out totally. Its why I overlook stuff with our nanny cos she is awesome with Jack, cleans fine (could be better) but the thought of replacing her makes me breathe a little faster!

  10. 2 weeks?! That would freak me out...not a lot of time.

  11. Ugh! So sorry you have to deal with all that on such short notice. Sending prayers that you will find just the right person for your family! : )

  12. Ah, I'm going to be the odd one out in this set of comments! I can totally see how irritating it is for you - honestly! BUT - I'm guessing this was not a planned pregnancy? . If I was her - facing an extended period with no (or almost no) income, I can absolutely see why she didn't want to discuss it - I would guess that she probably wanted to keep working for as long as possible for financial reasons.She's already sent one child to live far away so that she can work in this job, so it's not like her commitment to you as employers is sketchy I don't know what maternity pay / social security is like in SA, but I'm guessing that she's facing a really difficult time both emotionally and financially, and she can't do anything about it. I dunno. I wish you didn't have to deal with this, but I feel pretty heartbroken for her, too.

    1. Hi, I love you for challenging my thinking, you closet F :)

      You're right, it probably is not a planned pregnancy. However, she doesn't seem to be at all concerned about money. I have raised the issue with her and asked her if she has enough and she keeps assuring me she does. I will admit that V has always been very money-savvy. I've offered to help out with W's schooling before and she's always refused the help because she told me she saves a large % of her salary (probably more than we do! Ha!) as she lives frugally.

      When we had our big talk with her last year, she assured us that she was not sending W away just for us, but because it is safer for him in Zim than it is here.

      Again tonight I asked her if she would like her job back after her baby is born and she said it's better for us to get someone else and she will get a job looking after babies again. I don't blame her - who would want a job hlaf cleaning after looking after kids? Not me! :)

      So I start interviewing on Friday......................

  13. ACK! I kinda, very loosely, get her position. But I'm more shocked that she would do this to the children. I can't imagine what they are going to think when she just vanishes.

    I have to agree with Cat, maybe this is your school sign? Perhaps you can find another nanny or sitter who would be willing to work with the situation so that the children only have to warm up to V's replacement. Since they would be in school maybe you can save some money on the nanny??

    I'm really sorry V put everyone in such a tight position. Hopefully you'll have a good selection of candidates to choose from.


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