Friday, April 20, 2012

{Friendship Friday} What if your best friend has another best friend?

Ta da da dum, it's Friday again.

I'm so very late because I had a little errand to run this morning. Actually, it was a not-so-little errand - my visa is approved!

That was an experience of note and I think I had the most items to check in - my ipad, phone, camera, external hard drive, memory stick, charger cables, etc. I think the security couldn't quite believe how much I unearthed from my bag!

Since I had nothing with me, I was forced to people-watch for the entire hour and 40 minutes. I actually love people-watching so after the initial two minutes of frustration, I got into it and really just enjoyed my time "off".

Anyway, it's done and I paid for it to be delivered to my place of work next week. YES!


Remember last week's friendship challenge?

I think we should do a challenge regularly because so many of you emailed or commented to say what you're doing in terms of inviting a friend, having a difficult conversation, strengthening boundaries, etc.

Louisa even read MWF Seeking BFF. That's dedication to the cause right there.

Me? I sent the girl an email and I was very honest - said we always have such lovely conversations we should have lunch so we can talk properly. And she accepted.

I was well pleased.

Our lunch was today and it was as comfortable as ever. *sigh* Sooooo lovely.

We said that "we need to do this again" and of course, I will actually see that we do it.


I noticed that there's also a lot of talk in Christian circles about friendship these days. If anyone reads incourage, do a search on the word friendship and see.

Earlier this week Lysa Terkeurst also issued a friendship challenge - I love it!

Please tell me in the comments how it went with your friendship challenge so I can celebrate with you.


And now for this week's topic.

We were at a work strat a few weeks ago and as we were sitting around at lunch, my one colleague said this:

A (her son) came home from school the other day and said, "Mommy, S is my best friend but I'm not his best friend".

Well, my heart broke for that little boy.

Doesn't yours?

I asked her what she said to him and she was very matter-of fact. "Well, that's life, isn't it? It happens to adults too".

Very true.

It's the whole "she's just not that into me" thing.

I've written about it when I spoke about blog friends and when I spoke about being friend dumped.

I actually don't think I've ever had a best friend who was also my best friend. Except for D.

I think I'd have a huge amount of security if that were so but it's never been the case and so it's never bothered me because I don't know any differently. The closest was my university friend who was my best friend but I was only one of her three best friends. These CT girls :)

Maybe it's my personality? I don't know. I'd love to hear from the ESTJ's (Heather and Nicole) because we tend to be more "male" in our thinking.

Over to you.

Do you have a best friend that also considers you her best friend? How do you know that?

If not, how do you feel about that? Does it bother you?

PS next week I'm writing about how it can be expensive to have lots of friends. If you have thoughts on this, please also diarise (!) to write a post on this subject.


  1. Mmmm...challenge didn't happen for me. But, it will. Soon. I think it's fantastic that you stepped out, acted in courage and that it went so well! LOVE that.
    I honestly don't think that I ever had a best friend who considered me their best friend. I don't think anyone considers me their best friend at the moment either. I'm actually OK with that because like you, I don't know any different. It would feel like so much pressure if it was the case. I have a few friends. I consider each of them a BFF for different reasons.
    I also have a friends and money post in mental drafts - I'll write it next week!

  2. I know that I am Jolyn's best friend just as she is mine. We've had specific conversations about it. That's how it typically is with my best friends, although I've had more than one at a time, they've seen me as their best friends too. However, Jolyn has a friend Jessica who sees Jolyn as her best friend, but knows that I am Jolyn's best friend. It's caused problems with her because she gets jealous of our friendship. My mom is my other best friend, and although we talk frequently and love hanging out often, I feel that she favors my brother more (seeks out time with him) because he doesn't initiate it like I do. It makes me feel sometimes like it's a nonreciprocating best friendship. I don't think that's completely true, but I know the feeling of wanting that person's attention and company, only to feel that they are seeking someone else's.

  3. I had the most unexpected exchange with my BFF (from home) a couple of years ago. I was describing something I'd said...really random...concerning my BFF who lives here. I called S "my best friend" as I was recounting the conversation to A, and A said, "Whoa! Your best friend?! I'm your best friend!" Oops!

    I guess I use the term "best friend" a tiny bit more liberally.

    Still, I have no doubt that A and I are best friends - very mutual. She would do anything for me, and me, for her. When she needs to talk, she calls me. I am the very first person she told she was pregnant -- even ahead of her husband! :)

    These past few months, as you know, I've been feeling the weight of S's other friends. I always knew I wasn't her "only" best friend, which was fine / not awkward...but it hurts that we're growing apart. I feel like I'm being replaced with other friends...people I haven't even met, which is weird.

    Last year, I planned S's birthday shindig. It was small...only four of us...but it was so much fun! She's turning the big 4-0 this year, and I had actually been researching some themes on Pinterest. I mentioned it to a mutual ("best") friend, and she said, "Oh, yeah...we're thinking X,Y,Z, or maybe A,B,C. I was so very hurt by it. Not only were plans very far underway without me...involving people I don't even know...both plans are things that I couldn't attend (assuming I was invited?).

    Of course I want her to have a blast on her birthday...but it was definitely a very cold realization of how things have changed. :/

  4. Oh, and I am so, so glad you had a great time with the lunch!

  5. I had a slightly awkward but successful dinner date! I plan to write about it, it was very out of my comfort zone.

    Funny you should mention this! I was actually going to ask you to write specifically about this. My best friend and I are in this very same boat. She is my best friend, from sheer length and depth of friendship. We can go to each other at any time, literally, about anything, LITERALLY. That is why I think we put up with each other's quirks and tolerate being in very different places in our respective lives. However, we see each other rarely. She has a best friend, one that she shares her day to day life with. One that gets daily greetings and check-ins. They go out shopping and on dates.

    However she doesn't ask advice of this friends. She doesn't vent to this friend. She doesn't go to this friend for important decisions. She even comes to me to vent about this friend. I'm not trying to elevate my friendship above her best friend, but I certainly think there are levels of best-friendship. It also works for us because she is very need when it comes to time. Her best friend can afford to give that, but I cannot. So yes and no, I do and do not have a best friend who considers the same of me.

  6. Love the pic of your kids they look like they are having so much fun!

    Best friends hmmm I actually can't tell if I have any (so not sure if anyone would also consider me theirs either). I've kind of justified this by saying people are in different places in their lives hence we talk when we talk we see when we see! SAD but it's reality.

    Glad your lunch went well and you got the VISA.

    Have a wonderful weekend

  7. I hope that my two best friends also consider me to be their best friend. But to be honest I'm not always sure. I know we're friends but whether they see me as their best friend, I don't know. I struggle with insecurity and one moment I am absolutely certain of their friendship and the next I start questioning things.

  8. So glad yours worked out. We had to postpone to next week Wednesday but we were both work swamped. My BFF in Oz and I are actually BFF to each other - its been so long. My other best bud had one other best bud, but I am totally ok with it.

  9. I have called my friend Kelly my best friend for more than 15 years now. At different times, we have been closer in some ways to other people, separate from one another. In high school, I had a more varied group of close friends than she did, but in college she was closer to our sorority sisters than I was--this is when I grew close to my two college roommates, who I now also consider very close friends. But like Mandy H. said, Kelly remains my "best friend" largely because nothing can compare to the history we have together. Even if we only talk once or twice a week (as is usually the case right now), she knows everything about my life and there is nothing I can't tell her...and vice versa. I am pretty positive she would describe our friendship in the same terms. It's almost more like a sibling relationship between us, without the drama that can come with my actual sibling relationship at times.

    I am a "few close friends" type of person, so among the people I consider true friends, they have all served the role of "best friend" at various times. They also tend to be my oldest friends, so even though they have new, sometimes closer friends, our history does give us a connection that we all seem to value. Griping/complaining about things that drive us crazy about our individual new friends is one thing that always seems to happen when we are together!

    I have to echo too, that my mom might really be the BEST of all friends. I tell her everything at this point in my life, and she is the one person besides J that I talk to on a daily basis.


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