Thursday, April 19, 2012

So, you've all been asking about the new nanny

First, a confession.

I can't keep up with all the emails to my personal address - I may just declare email bankruptcy soon.

But a lot of you have been asking about the new nanny.

She is punctual, forthright and doesn't avoid issues at all.

She can keep up with all the cleaning part of being a nanny too, and the food part.

In my house, part of being a nanny means cleaning the bedroom, kitchen and the babies' bathroom.

I still cook all their food but I get her to peel things for me, cut up chicken, and so on.

I got her to make pizza for them (wholewheat with spinach crust) last week to use up some spinach.

So things are going very well.

Except.

I have this nagging feeling that something is not quite right.

Yesterday my MIL emailed us to say since we're going away next week, can she move forward her visit to this week.

I said, "definitely! and while you're there, please suss out S."

I went on to explain that I'm not sure what it is but I'm not 100% comfirtable with something but I don't know what that something is. And I'm not a vague feelings sort of person.

So D gets home and we talk about my email.

And as I'm talking, I get clear.

I think this is why I'm feeling unsettled about this...

She is very strict with Connor. Kendra is just fine with her probably because she listens better.


Let's not beat about the bush - Connor is more difficult, even for me. But I love the boy dearly and as D says, my discipline is balanced by my love.

It seems like she's a bit impatient with him and doesn't give him much time to respond. Here's where I'm a softie.

Like the other morning, I was getting dressed and they come and pile onto my bed and we talk. K went to get dressed first and then it was Connor's turn.

Yes, he should listen the first time but I know he's a quality time child and wants to be with us when we're there (unless food is involved :)) so V used to leave him with me til I was ready to go to work, and then dress and feed them.

For me, the timing of getting dressed is not such a big deal because he will go when I'm done.

Anyway, that's not the point of the post.

The point is what do I do?

I don't think it's serious enough (or is it) to get a replacement but I also want Connor to feel loved. Aaaah (see, I'm a softie).

How do you tell someone, "I need you to be more loving with my child".

Ughhhh!

What do you think? What do you think I should do?

13 comments:

  1. Hmm...this is a difficult one, because you don't want her to victimize Connor either once you've spoken to her...

    Maybe explain the whole love language thing to her, and tell her that Connor is a boy who loves his time with mommy, maybe she thinks that it is a strict rule for them to be dressed and eating at that certain time. Keep in mind that she is still new and "want to impress you with her routine skills" ;)

    Love the pic :D

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  2. Well, I'm glad to hear that things are going well in every other respect. That's definitely good news, right?

    Maybe you could explain it pretty much the way you explain it here--that C may not always listen as well as K, and sometimes that does require correction, but sometimes it's just because he needs things in a different way than K does. I would emphasize those "differences" between them, and maybe encourage her that it's okay to give C a little more patience and encouragement. Use your love languages stuff! : )

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  3. I am a home daycare provider- so speaking from that I know I would want to be told if you feel like I could do something better with/for your child. Mom's know best when it comes to their children. I would say as long as you are polite and not accusatory that she should take anything you have noticed and think about it and find ways to improve. I would say something like "I understand Connor is a bit more difficult and doesn't listen very well at times- he needs some one to guide him but he also thrives with a lot of love and positive attention as well."

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  4. See, I am that person! I am far more strict with HAM then her parents are with her. I don't tolerate the tantrums, screaming, and sass that my cousin does and I really worry that I'm "messing" her up. Two sets of "rules" in the same house has to be confusing to a child. I would word it that way with her. Just explain that you don't want to confuse Connor and that the "rules" are not more lax with him, that he just needs some extra time and guidance?! I would also throw in the fact that you love sassy children and don't want her to break him of it! HA!

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  5. I'm glad to hear that almost everything is going well, but I know this thing must be weighing heavily on your mind.

    Is there an opportunity for you to model for her how you like to handle things? I can only imagine it's difficult for someone new to gauge the disciplinary tone in a new household. My guess (and my hope!) is that she would be open to some dialogue, and would appreciate hearing / seeing how you typically do things, what works best for Connor.

    Good luck, Marcia!

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  6. Would be good to let her know how you feel without being accusatory. She's new and still learning the ropes and what better way to learn than by correction (continous feedback). Did D notice this too?

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  7. Awesome that things are going well.
    I think that she's still finding her feet. I also think that this is DEFINITELY the best time to iron out any creases. Be kind about it. Choose your words well and just tell her.

    Please don't say "I need you to be more loving with my child". Explain to her that you understand that he is more "difficult" and that you have found that the best way to handle him is by doing xyz...
    I suppose it wouldn't do any harm to explain their love languages to her.
    Good luck. I think it'll be fine.
    x

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  8. I think you should leave it alone for a few weeks and see how it settles out. I teach kindergarten and the first few weeks I am far more firm than the rest of the year because I have to set some expectations and let them know that I mean what I say. After a few weeks when we have gotten to know each other I know who and when I can let things slide and who needs me in what way. I can only imagine that being a nanny is a little bit like that, you have to be stricter with them at first as they are testing boundaries and seeing what happens. I also think that all people have their own priorities in child rearing. I completely ignore tantrums, they honestly don't annoy me that much (when I am home) but whining grates my nerves.

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  9. Maybe talk to her.....she won't know how to treat your children unless you teach her. I have the opposite. My Lizzy is way to soft on Jadakins...smile.

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  10. I think you should talk to her first before considering to replace her. Give her a chance. Maybe you and she can work on a plan together on how to "handle" Connor better because he is tending to not be so "obedient." I'm putting the words in commas cause I think in Afrikaans and can't get the right words ... Hope you understand what I'm trying so say :)

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  11. I havent read all the comments but stopped at Julies cos she said "dont tell her to be more loving" - lol - cos I agree with that - that will get her on the defensive.

    Regarding the situation you explained - maybe say "our routine is usually xyz" and then tell her xyz works for Connor and you do it so could she maybe also do that to maintain consistency!

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  12. Maybe set rules for her for discipline - love can not be forced, it will come in time. Maybe say we talk 3 times before we shout or time out or whatever. What do you thin?

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  13. You definitely need to have a chat about it. How to word it just right will be the tricky bit. I like the idea of explaining their love languages to her and making suggestions on what works best for you.

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