Friday, June 01, 2012

{Friendship Friday} Have you ever disappointed a friend?

Two things happened recently that I want to tell you about.

1. A few weeks ago I had a lunch date with my one friend.

It was adjacent to a meeting which I knew but then forgot about.

Also we have a rule with the New Boss that we can't check ipads and cell phones in the meeting. I agree because it is disrespectful (do you agree?) but the problem is we NEVER finish meetings on time. Ever.

And that's why I used to check my iPad.

Anyway, you can guess what happened.

The meeting ran late, I didn't even realise because it was interesting at that point, and when it was wrapping up, I happened to glance at my watch, see that it was 1:17 and I flipped open my iPad.

There was a message from Reception. "Marcia, your friend N was here for you but since we couldn't get hold of you, she eventually left".

I FLEW out of the meeting room punching her number into my phone.

She was lovely (as always) and very gracious and didn't appear to be cross. But she was nearly home again and understandably didn't really want to come all the way back to our offices.

(Gosh, I'm again gettting a headache just thinking about this!)

I felt terrible. Terrible.

I know what a drama it is for her to arrange for the au pair to come babysit her boys so she can visit me and I stood her up.

I actually blocked this whole business out of my mind for a few days and she even told me to just let it go because it was emotionally draining me. True.

We've since had our replacement lunch date and things felt genuinely fine with us so all is well.

Also, since then, I'm super-sensitive to the timing thing and respectful or not, I'm checking my iPad to see if there are other meetings!!!

(My boss said sorry for running over... especially since she could see how mortified I was!)

these two have discovered my camera. They told me they want cameras for their birthday. On the one hand this thrills me but 3 paparazzi? :)

2. Last weekend a blog friend came to stay over at our place.

You know how crazy my life's been working full-time, coming home and doing supper and kids, and then some more work on the book til midnight every night.

On the Thursday before I was still working til all hours to get the book ready for its Friday launch (do you have your copy yet? :)).

But that was okay because I thought I'd have at least 1 - 1.5 hours to ready the place for my friend's arrival on the Friday after I got home from work.

And then D had the bumper bashing and my transport arrangements were all stuffed up.

Bottom line, all 3 of us arrived home just after 7.

No nicely-laid-out towels, no nice welcome note, no nice supper, no computer moved to my bedroom, and a very frazzled Marcia because we were late for the nanny and the kids' bedtime routine (reading, prayers, etc).

I try but I'm not a go with the flow person when there are too many things that need flowing :)

And that's kind of how the whole weekend went.

I felt scattered the whole time, like no-one was getting the right amount of me - not my friend, not D, not me and certainly not my kids.

I had some other plans too which would have been fine if D had his car but because we're sharing transport, I was doing everything as if on speed to get back home so he could go shopping, etc. UGH.

And my friend mentioned some food she doesn't eat which I don't even remember her saying and of course, the stuff I get? Yes, what she doesn't eat. OY!

On Sunday after I woke from my lovely nap with the kids, I remembered at least two things my friend and I were going to do (craft stuff, etc) and I honestly forgot about them. Everything slipped my mind and I felt terrible. How could I just forget things?

I considered just ignoring all this stuff but that's not really my style so I told my friend on Monday about some (most) of this stuff.

And we are good again too. The good thing about all this stuff was that she was just as I'd imagined if a little quieter when with others :) and we just settled right into being real life friends instead of only blog friends.

But really, this curveball stuff needs to stop.

So, over to you.

Have you ever disappointed a friend?

How do you deal with it? Is it easy for you to let go or do you feel terrible like I do til you "have it out"?


  1. friend. I could feel that you were struggling and how emotionally drained you were. I honestly understood that you were tired and trying to pull yourself towards yourself. I know that sometimes things are just easier said than done. I also know that sometimes life happens and even though we try to, it isn't always easy to remain unfrazzled and just bounce back. I really wasn't disappointed. Please don't feel bad? It REALLY was OK. REALLY.

    I have disappointed a friend. Recently. A few weeks ago I had to go and drop something that a friend needed and I fell asleep. For a few hours! And when I woke up I didn't even realise it immediately! My phone was off. I hadn't charged it since the Friday (I really am so careless with this phone lately). My friend was quite cross. Understandably. Anyway. We are OK now. I made a peace offering craft and we spoke about it and all is fine. It happens. But yes, I was MORTIFIED. I actually can't be normal if I've disappointed someone. I MUST let it all out. And even then, I have to work hard at moving on from it all. I always try to treat people the way I like to be treated and I always think how "I" would feel in that situation. I think that's why it isn't easy for me to just let things go when I've disappointed someone. Seriously though. It's OK. OK?

    Love you.

    ps...Joel and I are constantly in the wars about my camera. At the moment I'm giving in and he takes more pics than me! Am going to put some of them on my blog. I'm going to have to give it to him when I upgrade - hopefully later this year.

  2. YaY, budding paparazis in the making. Considering how much their mum like pictures could only be one of two things - they run away from cameras or they absolutely love it. I'm glad it's the latter.

    I really can't remember disappointing any friend recently and I hope that's true -one of the benefits of having few friends. Though generally I am distraught if I disappoint people even those that I'm not close to. I like to clear the air and only feel better once I know we are good.

    Have a nice weekend!

  3. Sometimes it is hard to balance everything. I'm sure your friends understood. Hang in there things get easier as the kids get older. But sometimes the stars just make everything not go right and friends will understand that.

  4. Love the Paparazzi!

    I disappoint friends and family often ... not on purpose ... usually because of circumstances I cannot control, or because I said "no" to something they wanted me to do.

    and I always feel absolutely horrible ... especially when I hear back that it put them in a bind or they complain elsewhere about the situation - not that they mention me directly - but since "I" know who they are talking about .. I'm mortified.

    It doesn't help being an introvert and the social stuff drains me anyway. I don't like being a bother to anyone.

  5. My boys LOVE taking photos with my point and shoot!

    I wonder if it's their ages, or perhaps the fact we both take lots of photos?

  6. Oh I would have felt terrible! I hate letting people down. I did once with a friend. I was at daycare picking Caitlyn up and on the way out she said we should go to her house for a play date the next day. Can't remember that I accepted, but apparently I did and she got ready for us and waited and we never showed. I felt terrible!

  7. I'm sure everyone has had the odd occasion where they've disappointed a friend, I know I have. I trust that my friends will know that it's not intentional and that when i say i'm sorry I mean it and it implies that I'll do better in future. After i say sorry I let it point in losing sleep about it too. ;-) When a friend does something that disappoints me I talk to them about it so that they know how I feel, and then I let it go too. I have to also trust that a friend will not do something intentionally to hurt my feelings. If it becomes a habit I lose the "friend" because obviously I have more invested in it than a person who deliberately or negligently hurts me over and over again.

    Once off things I think are obviously just that. I wouldn't beat myself up about it if I were you Marcia. It happens. *shrug*

  8. Oh gosh sweetie - that unfortuonately is life. Trying to balance everything and get to everything - oi!

    And I know your blogfriend was fine with everything


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