Thursday, September 06, 2012

Five Love Languages of Children - part 1

Before we get started with the book, I want to post an update on the state of sick.

On Tuesday when I coughed it was sore and that afternoon I decided to go to the doctor. She only works til 2:30 - 3:00 so I took a 9 am appt the next day (Wed). There is another doc I could go to but he's mostly against anti-biotics and I kind of love hard core meds - I don't like faffing around with these things :)

When I got home Connor had been coughing a bit but 11:30 that night I actually woke him to have cough syrup and some Panado because he was also very hot.

So he came along with me. We both got a script and 3 of us are now taking meds.

I had a very important meeting yesterday though, so off I went to work after we got all the meds, and I left the office at 2.

Today I was also off, and I'm due to go back tomorrow but I very much doubt I will be well enough.

That's the sick.

Are you well though???

Also, isn't this strain of flu horrendous? I've never had flu like this before.


Right, onto the FLL book.

I've been to a workshop based on the kids' book and I loved it.

Here's what I know from experience with my own kids:

Connor loves spending time with us, 1:1, and his behaviour is excellent when he gets focussed, quality time with us. Like when we go to gym on Saturdays and then out for croissants, and when he spends time reading with D. He likes building puzzles with us or reading in bed with me (this is my favourite).

We've seen that investing 10 minutes with him pays off the whole evening.

Kendra loves hugging and kissing. She's always game for a cuddle and when we give her lots of hugs and kisses, she's fine and independent, but when we're busy (cooking and so on), it's almost like she becomes a little monkey, climbing all over us. So again, it pays by talking her language upfront.

Here are some things that struck me generally so far:

1. Children need us to show them ALL the love languages so that they definitely have a full love tank and also, in case you've got their language wrong and they actually respond to something else :)

I really liked this point because even though Connor's LL is not physical touch, when he does slow down for longer than two seconds and I can give him a hug, he actually hugs for a long time almost like he misses the contact...

However, when you really speak your child's love language, that's when they really respond and sparkle.

Have you seen this in your kids too? 

2. Often as parents, we parent conditionally (eat your veggies and then you'll get pudding, etc.) and there's a strong reminder to give love unconditionally.

They give a long list of things to remember which was really useful for me!!! Like "they are children and will still act like children" :) They are getting big all the time but at the end of the day, they're still children.

If we love them conditionally, they will feel incompetent and like nothing they do can please you so why even bother. All this leads to low self-esteem, low self-confidence and insecurity. And I'll add something else, I think people-pleasing in girls especially.

Do you agree?

yip, he's taking photos of me again :)

3. Even though they may have full love tanks, life will not be perfect. Things will still happen. Actually, it's a good reminder for life. "Bad things happen to good people" and so on :)

4. A full love tank affects our kids' ability to learn. Can you believe it? They learn better when they're feeling loved.

Do you sometimes feel like you love your kids with conditions?

(I know I do, often unintentionally. And I was reminded by something Kendra said, to which I said, "NO Baby, I love you. That's always the same.")

Next week - 2 - 3 of the love languages


  1. I realized the other day, that all my kids want one on one time. That is the (very difficult to achieve) crux of the matter. How they want to spend it is unique to each child (and I guess theur love language). A wants to DO something with you - she needs to create with you. In whatever way. C needs lots of attnetion while he talks to you - he would even say - "look at me" when he talks to you. And then he needs to hear affirmation after. L just wants to be close to you - hugs, sit on your lap. A bit like a cat -when he wants to. And then he loves you to read for him.

  2. I do think it's amazing what some one-on-one time can do. I sometimes need to remind myself, it can be as simple as folding laundry together...but whatever the act is, it's always worth it.

  3. Shame man Marcia, I hope you shake this sick off now quickly. This year's flu is particularly vicious, I ended up in bed for a week with stupid pnemonia (sp?)

    On the love languages thing I must say that I am a recent convert to this concept. Before it was all ja-whatever, sounds interesting but after seeing what a big difference it made to Nicola's behavious I think you really shouldn't underestimate how important it can be.

  4. The photos of your kids are so cute....they are beautiful children.

    This flu is very bad. I was first man/woman down and it lasted 3 weeks (possibly because I didn't stay in bed) then it was B and then stefan...the little guy had his first course of antibiotics. Yesterday the Man started sniffling and feeling yuck and he can be such a pain when he is sick...totally loses his sense of humour;-)

  5. Right now is not a good time to ask this :) I do feel their are conditions not really for loving them but for liking them - like SHOWER or DO HOMEWORK without me having to yell and threaten!

  6. I can't comment on this post now because I am too distracted by these BEAUTIFUL pics of your kids! I'll come back tomorrow.x

  7. One-on-one time seems to be EVERYTHING in this house - especially with Joshua - he is BIG on QT. Lance and I try to each take a kid every fortnight or so - I think we are going to have to do it more often than that.
    I still haven't read the one for kids - need to make a plan to get it. And I see that there is one for teenagers as well - best I get that too in preparation for the next few years.

  8. I love this. (and gorgeous pics too!)

  9. I'm so glad you linked back to this post! I somehow missed it with all the distractions I've had going on lately. And it's a GREAT reminder to put aside those distractions and give my girls what they need. I have to do a better job of evaluating them individually and figuring out what they need most. The reminder of unconditional love is SO, SO important...thanks for giving me so much to think about today! : )


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