Friday, September 07, 2012

{Friendship Friday} Sometimes it's really not about you


3 quick examples:

1. Remember my friend who I thought was blowing me off?

Well, they came over for supper last Friday and we had a BALL.

I told them to come early (6:30) so the kids could get used to them here and would calm down quicker.

Okay, that backfired a little because my kids decided to eat a second supper with us at 7 but then they did go to bed nicely which is a miracle with guests.

They stayed until just after midnight we had such a lot to talk about and it was fun, fun, fun.

So why didn't they seem more keen?

Well, her grandfather was in and out of hospital and since she's the most responsible of her sisters, she was the go-to person for everything. Shame, he eventually died a few weeks ago :(

They were also moving house and had endless problems with the red bank and their financials.

And really, just life. My friend is not the sort who emails "well". By that I mean, they're great in person but they won't email other than to sort out logistics. Email is not for connecting, but for planning :)

There was absolutely no awkwardness the entire evening and we all shared our hearts freely.

2. Julia wrote recently about how a friend of hers was in an abusive relationship and all the time, she thought the friend was just not prioritising her because of several broken dates.

That post made me think about how we need to both go easy on ourselves for not picking up signals but also if it's a longstanding friend, to just call them out on it and say something like, "listen, is something else going on because this is not usually like you?"

I don't know. What do you think?

3. And then me.

I ignored two of a friends' emails recently.

Not proper ignored, but subjects were brought up in the emails that I really wanted to do justice to, and I couldn't reply in my usual two-line emails from work.

I also couldn't phone because we were working in the construction zone at the time and all that building is SUCH noisy business.

However, bad timing ...she sent me an email to ask if I was offended by her bringing up these things on a Thurs afternoon after I'd left but I was off the next day and having ipad problems so I didn't see the email til back in the office on the Monday.

I immediately sent an email back and said no, I was not offended, etc, sorry I hadn't responded, etc but all was still good. Do you know what she said? She worried the whole weekend. I cringed!

So I love this third example for many reasons - I love that she calls me out on things instead of assuming something from my silence. I also love that we're comfortable enough with each other that she can ask me potentially "offensive" questions. Trust me, this was not in the least offensive to me. I love it!

And we'll be getting together in a couple of weeks :)

Have you had some instances like these where your friend radar was just totally wrong?
Any examples where things worked out or where you missed it?

Share in the comments - I love reading all these friend exploits.


  1. That kind of thing happens to me every now and then. It used to bug me until I came to this same conclusion...also I think people tend to come and go from our lives exactly when we need it, so I take it as that.

  2. I love how your friend called you out. I tend not to call my friends out when this happens because I don't know how to do it without sounding needy. Need to work on my voice tone. But yes, we do need to go easy on ourselves and stop assuming that everything is about us.


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