Friday, September 28, 2012

Out of sorts

I have a topic for Friendship Friday but I just didn't feel like writing it tonight.

Instead I thought I'd talk about my feelings :)

oh windows!

I've been feeling a bit out of sorts for the last couple of days for a number of reasons:

1. I made a really quick impulsive decision and I've already wasted hundreds of rands as a result, and it's not even the end of it - there's lots more to pay. I'm in denial about it until it's all done meanwhile I keep getting these texts with more and more money flying off my credit card...

2. I feel like I have broken focus both at work and at home. Like I'm doing lots of things 10 - 20% but nothing 100%. One of my strengths is focus so this has been bugging me to no end. I've started fixing it though - I worked a solid block of 4 hours on my articles last weekend, I answered and cleared all 50-odd emails from my personal inbox last night (and am determined to keep it that way) and today at work I made a GINORMOUS project list and exactly what's to be done on each section of my work.

The broken focus at work is also due to my horrible computer - everytime I leave my desk for a meeting (which is at least 2 - 3 times a day) I come back to a blue screen. Our IT people don't know what's going on. But because it shuts down everything, I think I responded to emails that are sitting in drafts, I don't know what I was working on because all my windows are gone and my blood pressure is not-so-slowly shooting through the roof. In short, I feel incompetent. I told my boss I'm ordering a new computer which I will do but you know how much red tape there is? oh my word, it's crazy.

3. I know it wasn't intended that way but I feel a bit awkward about the comments on Wed's post of me taking pics of random people. I may have to do a follow-up post about this.

I loved her bag but now when I downloaded pics, I actually love the whole pic - it just says "relax" to me

4. I also found out something internet-y this week that kind-of freaked me out in a big way. No, I'm not going to talk about it at all - not my story to tell - but I've just thought a lot more about boundaries.

5.   Can someone tell me the difference between Instagram and Facebook? As in why can't you just post a pic to Facebook instead of adding one more thing to your social media toolbox? Because IG's been annoying me to no end (already, and I'm only on it for about a week).

6. Job stuff is happening but also not happening. In other words, always too slow for my liking. In other news, I was approached to host a radio show (internet) on the topic I coach and I turned it down. My husband was surprised but I said I feel like I don't have extra capacity right now for anything else. The person who approached me was very disappointed and has told me to contact him if/ when I change my mind which I will.

Connor's shoes

7. My new (3 sessions with him) personal trainer. Well, first of all, my two colleagues muscled in on my sessions "for accountability". That part's fine although I told them I wasn't happy about it but would tell them if it really wasn't working. It is nice to have someone saying, okay, let's go get ready and off we go. However, this PT is not listening and is forcing me to do exercises I'm not happy about. Basically we're all doing the same exercises but I am not as strong as they are on the top and they are not as strong as I am on the bottom (legs).

I also know myself and if you kill me early, I'm not likely to go the distance, so to speak. I like to increase gradually so that I feel like I'm making progress. Like OH, I can now do 3 reps of 15 (when I started it was 3 reps of 10, and then 3 reps of 12). That kind of thing REALLY works for me. We worked the upper body on Tuesday - I still can't move my top half of my body and today is Friday. Yesterday we did something with weights that were way too heavy for me and yesterday evening my wrists were spasming (sp?).

So you're asking why have I not said anything? I have and he's not listening. I also don't want to be dramatic and flounce out during a session although I was THIS close yesterday. I did tell him I need a word with him alone and I would phone him. And then I realised this afternoon I don't have his number. So will have to talk to him on Monday at the gym.