Monday, September 10, 2012

Speaking about your kids... when they're there

So Laura's post today reminded me of something I want to discuss with you.

Something I didn't think I'd have to really consider for another few years. At least.

I took Connor to the doctor with me on Wed.

Whenever I'm at the doctor with a kid, I try and think about anything else that I was wondering about and max out my consultation time checking these things too.

Do you do that?

whenever I see Claudia's kids on her counters, I think "oh, I should be a fun mom too". I told them, "don't MOVE" but look at that guilty expression because they started messing around in the 10 seconds I turned away.
trying to disarm me with a big smile - it worked!

So while I was there, I thought I should chat about the potty training regression.

By the way, when I mentioned this on the blog before, I tried to be all mysterious and say "one of the kids" but you all knew who it was anyway. :)

I'm always careful about the kids' feelings especially because I so often feel adults don't care what they say in front of children AS IF they can't hear or understand.

So I said something like, "so Dr P, we've had a little bit of a potty training regression since D and I returned from the US."

She asked me something and I said, "well, he refuses to go in the potty when we're at home but is fine with Nanny S" and I happened to glance over at Connor.


Connor stared off to the side (away from me), with his head a little bit in the air, and sat very still, as if he was cross with me. Obviously he was!!!

I felt terrible and I'm 100% sure my eyes went wide with shock.

We then spoke in euphemisms a bit more but she basically said the same thing I know - the only areas kids can control are their eating and their potty business. And it may be taking a bit long because he's a very determined young man.

Thankfully, my kids love food (like their parents) so this is how he's showing me he's cross with me. And I should just not make a big deal of it and follow his cues when he's interested in going again.

Which is just what we've been doing.

Interestingly enough, since I've been home sick for the 3 days last week (this is my quality time child), he wanted to wear underwear on the weekend and told us a couple of times when he went to pee/ poo.

But isn't this whole business interesting?


I now know for next time and I'll ask him to go play with Dr P's toys in the front so I can have a word with her without having him there.


I made the mistake of saying to Connor, "Baby, this is child-proof. It means you won't be able to open it". Well, within about a minute he had it open.

I don't think it's time for me to start censoring what I write here just yet.

This is my story but of course, they're a huge part of it but I need to have it clear in my mind when it won't look good for them.

I remember Tertia wrote about this business of not talking too much about her twins on the blog when they turned 8.

At the time that age made sense to me because they can read and they're starting to become self-aware (or does this happen earlier?)

Have you thought much about this? 

Do you speak about your kids in front of them?

(I do speak about them positively every evening when D comes home... on purpose. They love it - I catch them beaming when I tell him nice things :))

PS please also remember that what I share here is just a snippet of my life. On any given day, I could probably blog about 10 things and really, I just write as the mood takes me :) I've had instances before where people have judged me and my parenting based on what I write here (fair enough) but please  always remember, there's about 90% more of me you don't always see on the blog.


  1. Believe me, I am the LEAST FUN mom on the planet.

    And yes, this talking about them in front of them thing is starting to be an issue for me too. I talk in ridiculous code language but they totally know what I am talking about. The problem is - they are ALWAYS there, so it feels impossible to ever talk about them without them hearing.

    And, oh. Regression must be super tough to deal with. Doing two lots of potty training at once is the pits. Doing it a THIRD time would be the END!

  2. Only positive things. With not so positive things I usually call or email the Dr or I google. Also, with both kids and their issues it's been relatively easy to speak with them around because the Paeds and therapists have really cool toys - they head there as soon as examination is done. If I'm in a situation where I really have no choice AND there are no distractions then I switch to Afrikaans. Can't do that so much with Child1 anymore because he understands but I think we still have a good few years of this left with Child2.

  3. This is actually one of those endless topics - there is so much to say and points all sides.

    The thing is if you look at your infertility - you wrote about that and shared and ultimately helped other moms right? In sharing something deeply personal you touched lives. I kinda feel the same about blogging about my parenting battles.

    We don't know what we are doing half the time and the books out there dont tell you the real stuff - they dont. So by sharing I hope to be able to help another mom battling the same thing and feeling lonely or lost!

    BUT obviously the difference is that in doing that I am sharing my child's story!

    So it is a tricky one! Kinda like a child born to famous parents - in many ways their "fate" has been seal already - they don't have a choice - there life IS public property no matter what their parents do!

  4. Firstly, if you look at these photos, I see you in your girl and D in your son.
    I talk about my children with my parents in front of them but when it's someone else, no.
    You know me. I don't share that much regarding my kids on my blogs. Why? Because my blog is about me, firstly and secondly I would not want to offend them in any way one day they might find some of the info about them. I do share a bit more about them in Closed groups where I can find support and if they do find that someday, I will tell them that I needed support and that I shared cause there might be someone else who struggles with the same. Whether they would understand or not, only time will tell.

  5. Hmmm....I haven't really noticed my girls being bothered by the fact that I am talking about them. I guess if it's negative, I probably subconsciously do it more quietly or when they're distracted. Your description of C letting you know he knows you were discussing him is hilarious. He's showing his spunk!

    Especially when my family is around, there are LOTS of conversations going on around the girls. Sometimes I forget how much they really do listen. Addison especially has taken to asking, "Hey! Can I talk about this wif (with) y'all guys?" : )

    I think sometimes about when I will stop sharing as much about the girls on my blog. Of course, I haven't been sharing all that much lately anyway, but I do talk about their potty behavior and whatnot. I don't know....I think I will just continue to weigh the story I want to share before I post it!

  6. I am totally guilty of the talking about her thing too...but I am working on it. As for the blogging I think a gradual toning down is in order. I will probably never completely stop but I don't want anything on there that will embarress her, so I'll stick to the good stuff and the big milestones.

  7. Ai, yes this is a difficult one. I mean L's problems are very open to all to read, but I do like to stress the positive. I said to H the other day that I am sure my kids will be happy one day if they read the whole blog - see the big picture. I might post about a negative, but the positive will always be there. To me it is very difficult to differentia "about me" from "about us" because my life is all about "us". I would love for them to one day see how I revelled in their positives. That all being said, I will at some age possibly tone it down on my blgo and do a private one for them.

    In real life we are very aware of discussing things in front of them - but I think we were not always , Having an older child tend to lift that out. However we do speak directly to them about themselves. We discuss great things but also the bad things.

    BTW - hope you are better

  8. K's facial expressions - priceless. That smile would melt any heart ;)

    And I love C's spunk, showing you he's a big boy all the way, how can you tell a big boy he can't open a child proof container (LOL)

  9. The older my kids get, the less I blog about them- because they start to have their own lives that don't revolve around me as much. I was just thinking as I was posting my InstaFriday pics that there were none of the girls. They just do their own thing- school, playing outside, homework in their room, etc. Plus, they don't change as fast as they get older, so I feel less compulsion to take as many photos. I'm sure the last thing the big kids want me to do is discuss them on the blog like I do the littles- I mean what would I say- XX got her first period! XX went to the mall with friends and met up with GIRLS!


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