Friday, December 07, 2012

{Friendship Friday} How do you go from friends to best friends?


I must tell you about last Saturday before we dive into today's topic.

My boss, a supplier/ vendor who has since become a friend and I all have kids the same age. They all share birthdays within two months of each other and we've been saying we should have a playdate.

I made the date at my favourite Bambanani but then 3 of the 5 kids were sick that Saturday. So it was rescheduled to last Saturday.

Boss pulled out at the last minute in view of something at Sandton City (remember my vow to not go near that place again this holiday season?) and I told the other person that if he (S) was game, the two our families should still do it.

So we did. He invited us over to his house and it was glorious.

We arrived and I rushed to the loo with K. When we joined the others again, Connor was on J's lap (the wife) eating pancakes. The boy was in heaven!

I always suspected I might like her - she did his client gifts last year and Boss and I got a HUGE glass jar of delicious biscuits wrapped with cute ribbon and a nice gift tag - you know, the way I do things. I also follow her on instagram and she has a gorgeous eye. She sees beauty in the small things too.

And after Saturday, I really really love like her. She shares a lot of my parenting philosophies but is a lot more of a fun mom. I already like him and we work together beautifully.

we both have red kettles :)

Their child is just gorgeous and clever and plays nicely with mine. D and S are both creative types - I don't think they stopped talking the entire afternoon.

The afternoon was full of flow and ease and just lovely. D got along well with both of them too, and she was wonderful with my kids. They told me as we left "that was a lovely visit, Mummy" and that they both want to sit on Aunty J's lap when they come visit us :)

Which I will be arranging pronto :)

So that was a lovely, unexpected surprise couple date which turned out really, really well. We were actually tempted to skip Carols by Candlelight and were an hour late because no-one wanted to leave.

Now onto this week's topic.

How do you go from friends to best friends?

The truthful answer is I don't know. It's never happened to me.

When I was at school, there were three of us who were, I suppose, best friends but it was not at all intentional and I can't even remember how it happened. Two of us were closer at first because we'd come from the same primary school, but then they also had a special something-something because they lived near each other and would walk part of the way home together.

Remember the days when we walked to and from school?! 

At university, I had one really close friend. A best friend for me but I knew I wasn't hers. I was about 1 of 3, the other 2 were in her home town.

So really, there's nobody I'm best friends with, except D. I have lots of friends and some I am closer to for certain things. If I'm going through x, I first want to share those with Friend A and B, if I'm going through y, with Friend C and D.

But there is no one friend that is all that to me, except D. :)

In my mind, I think to make a transition from friends to best friends, one would need chemistry, reciprocal effort and lots of vulnerability from both parties.

What do you think?
Have you ever started out as friends with someone and become best friends? Tell me how that happened and was it equal from both sides?


  1. To me its about long term growth, together. Thats how a friend becomes a BFF and is what happened with both of mine. H and I ( she is in Oz) have known each other since 1987 . N and I since 1989. ( now in Canada) Somehow the relationships stay strong despite circumstances, changes in life, etc. Key however is commitment from both sides to the friendship. But my very best friend is Hunter - no doubt about that

  2. I think it just happens naturally. There are some instances where it happens from both sides and some instances where it doesn't. Lance IS my favourite BFF but it's different to having a girl BFF. Must say we haven't done too well with the couple dates this year. There have been a few good ones but it seems like I have to be the organiser which makes me tired and so it's no longer happening.
    Oooh, I think I like Aunty J too!

  3. I haven't had a best friend since high school, other than Aaron. My best friend was killed in a car accident when we were 16, and I don't think anyone has ever been able to fill her shoes.

  4. I don't know if I truly have a "best" friend. I usually name three from college, and two here (K&S).

    I agree with exactly how you described it, though...the vulnerability, chemistry, and reciprocity.

    With K&S (separately), the chemistry is definitely there. The vulnerability and reciprocity can be lacking at times, though...especially over the past couple of years...and that's really hard to feel that happen.

    With A, I think the vulnerability and reciprocity are there, but maybe the chemistry isn't quite as strong. I feel like that's because we don't get to see each other very often, though.

    I wonder if it's less common to truly have a "best" friend (girlfriend) if your best friend is truly your spouse?

  5. Best friends these days I'm not sure. Very close friends yes but best naaaah

    I think for me it's become much harder with getting married, moving countries and life in general. Friends doing the same and starting new lives. We still stay in touch and when we are together it feels like we see everyday but I know it's not the same. Life happens. Interestingly enough it does bother me more than I thought it would but I've learnt to live life as it is. And appreciate the people around me plus it's made me closer to my sisters

    I like Aunty J already and your Connor is just ever the ladies man ;)
    It's so nice when a date with families go as planned and even better

  6. You are right, it is a long term thing. While my husband was still into career building and we were often transferred to different cities I never had the opportunity to make very good friends. I now have a few friends (can count them on one hand) but lots of people that I know. The only person I truly trust with my heart is my husband.

  7. I make “friends” easily but because of past hurts I am very careful about who I now allow into my life and heart too deeply. I find that I get taken advantage of quite often because once I am your friend I will bend over backwards for you. I also find that I am the one making a lot of the effort in my friendships. As for transition from friend to BFF I have found that this transition happens on it’s own as it’s meant to based on our connection and the effort we both put into the relationship. Friendship like all relationships takes effort and work.


  8. Such a great time you all had :)
    Like you say, becoming best friends with someone involves lots of vulnerability. You get from friends to best friends through this. When you can be absolutely open to her or him, with anything in your life. Like with your husband/wife. That same kind of friendship you need to have with someone else.


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