Friday, December 21, 2012

{Friendship Friday} which qualities define friendship for you?

Yes, it's true - I really own only 1 skirt. I used to have about 12 skirt suits for work. When I got too fat to fit into them I gave them all away.

Have never been a billowy dress kind of person. Do I look like that kind of person???? (the answer would be no)

Again, I had about 4 shift dresses (a nice firm cotton) which ended on the knee. Those suited me but I haven't found nice ones recently. The current fashions just don't do it for me.

I am not into flow and non-form fitting fashions... and the one time I stopped to look at a dress recently, my iphone got stolen so I'm taking it as a sign :) HA!

pse pray for my friend, Beth. These Sandy Hook murders have been rough for her because of her son's murder last year.


So... I'm super-stoked. I have 12 glorious days ahead of me before I see the office again.

I phoned D at about 2 pm and asked him if he wanted to join me somewhere for a coffee. D is not as spontaneous as I am (yes, next to him I look positively unstructured) and only phoned me back 1.5 hours later (when I was nearly home) to say yes.

We had a little coffee date at Bedford (I posted a pic to instagram and FB) and now we've properly planned the days ahead.

I also laid out clothes for both kids for the 12 days ahead.

I just feel better and like I can relax when things are organised.

PS My 2013 goals (all 5 pages of them, but the font is ginormous!) are all ready and printed already.
PPS if you sign up to my newsletter you will get my goals form with word of the year, etc. I really don't mind if you sign up, download, and unsubscribe straight away. My feelings used to get hurt yearrrrrs ago but not anymore. Honestly!

Mrs FF


Let's talk about friendship qualities we all want in a friendship.

I did a search on my blog and I wrote a very nice post in 2010 when almost none of you were reading.

Here's the post (pse go read Heather's comment - too cool!) - still all true - but basically I said the qualities I want in a friendship are:
  • honesty
  • communication and true connection
  • reciprocity
  • loyalty
  • support through good times and bad
  • consistency
 And then a few weeks ago I wrote about going from friendship to best friendship. I wrote that my thoughts were chemistry, reciprocal effort and lots of vulnerability were key in that transition.

A lot of you said that these things happen naturally or they don't. Yes, that's true but what were the factors that helped transition you to that state?

Two people don't just wake up one day and say, "oh my word, we're best friends". A series of events happen that lead to the feeling of extreme closeness, right?

M, Louisa, me, Cat
In her book, MWF seeking BFF, Rachel cited some research that said the most important parts of friendship are intimacy, interaction, reciprocity and positivity.

  1. Intimacy is what I call honesty, connection and vulnerability.
  2. Interaction and reciprocity are the same thing for me.
  3. While I haven't used the word positivity, I think it's safe to say that I am not drawn to very negative people. Initially I might try and win them over to help them see some of the good in life but after a while, the energy drain is too much. I have one such friend but I only get together with her a couple of times a year and that's enough :)
So I think I agree with the research plus adding a few more. The honesty and loyalty are non-negotiables for me - comes down to trust, I guess.

What do you think about those specific 4 qualities?

Which qualities define friendship for you?

PS next week I want to read your round up of the year, friendship-wise. Please humour me :)

Here was my half-year recap.


  1. Honesty, loyalty, integrity, trust. Trust is a VERY big deal to me. I guess positivity too - come to think of it, I tend to stay away from drainer-types.
    Am just way too lazy to churn out a blog post tonight. It's hot hot hot in CT - 34 degrees! However I WILL do a roundup next week.
    ps...I LOVE the billowy dress. Hides ALL the flaws and fat.

  2. That's a lovely picture of you and Beth. My thoughts and prayers are with her. May God provide her comfort always. And I remember that picture, can't believe it was taken almost a year ago already. Time really does fly

    I like flowy dresses that are still nice fitting (does that make sense) and I agree with Julia they hide the effect of all those rolls of bread, brownies (yum) and mince pies we love to devour ;) :)

    Those 4 characters are a must otherwise the friendship is based on lies and shouldn't really be considered friendship. Being around negative people is very draining and sucks out all my energy so I avoid it, but when I can't help it I find a way to change the situation (which of course is not always possible- some people just thrive on the drama that comes with being negative)

  3. To me trust and honesty are key. The rest may develop in time but is those two are missing from the start, there really is not point, is there? And H and I made a decision a few years ago to,cut out negative people in our lives- it did involve a bit of a friend cleanup but it was totally worth it.

  4. Those seem right...for me I know I need trust. Someone who will listen to my stuff, and sometimes not judge...and someone who will tell me theirs. And the ability to laugh.

    Comes down to the same thing really.

  5. I would also say honesty, loyalty and trust.

  6. Yes, negativity and drama are big turn offs for me in friends. The energy drain is exactly what it causes! Love my comment on that post! And I get to visit you in South Africa in May!!! So excited!!!! I also remember during our dinner in NYC, you told us we owed you a visit and I said it would be so cool if that is where the EMBA program was taking us! I almost screamed when they made the announcement that is where we are going!!!


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