Sunday, December 23, 2012

Holiday drama with the in-laws

So in a moment of (extreme) weakness I suggested to D that he ask his mother if she wants to join us for 3 days in Ballito.

A few days later I changed my mind but he'd already mentioned it to her.


Then on Thurs he mails me from work to say we need to speak about C tonight.

Turns out his mother mentioned this to the sister (who is married) and she phoned him to ask if they can both come on holiday with us.

Of course I said to D immediately, "absolutely not".

I mentioned this to my sounding board, Mandy, who said, "won't it be nice to have extra hands?"

It would... but it's not worth it.
  • D gets lazier when around his family (reverting to familial roots?) and I end up running around too much, feeling resentful.
  • They think they're easygoing but really they're not
  • If it was just MIL with us, we are the majority so she'd fall in more with us. But with two of them, everything's equal and would have to be a big discussion and negotiation around everything.
  • Plus did I mention they're all lazy? Not one in that family cooks so it all falls to me. When it's their chance, they want to eat out which is well and good but we never budget to eat out ALL the time. Sometimes I just want to whip up a quick meal, eat and veg.

He hates conflict (hates!) so feels torn between the two parties.

We rented a 3-bedroom so space is not the problem. But I rented a 3-bed simply because there are tons more 3-bed units available, not to have space for guests.

We went to a movie yesterday afternoon (yes, if you're counting, 2nd date in two days - just so happened that S was due to babysit - we thought we'd have to do last-minute shopping but we were DONE!!!) and I bought a watch I'm soooo in love with.

I love watches and looked at this particular one twice in NYC but didn't get it due to time pressures (haha). It's virtually the same price here (within R50) so I walked into a Swatch and just bought it. Yes, I'll take pics. It even matches my favourite nail polish colours - those weird neutral purpley colours.

Anyway, when I looked at my phone, there were 3 missed calls so once we got home, D called.

I heard his side of the conversation and at one point he said, "this right here is what I'm talking about. I don't need all this hassle when I'm on holiday" :)

Apparently she said she wants him to be honest, he was but she didn't want to accept the boundary.

He said we hadn't ever planned on having a holiday for extended family, only the four of us, but they were welcome to get a unit close to us and we could spend some time together. Nice.

So that is that but things are a little frosty in Africa :)

How would you have dealt with it?

Would you have said yes?

PS this pic was taken on 15 Jan this year. Don't they look like babies? They used to take 2 - 3 hour naps at the beach. Hopefully that won't change ;)
PPS I can't WAIT to take pics on the beach!
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  1. That was handled very nicely, but seriously...what were you thinking?! Hahaha. ;-)

    We have an aunt and my grandmother who both like inviting themselves along to our family vacations. My mom used to humour them until this year...she put her foot DOWN and that was that.

    Lots of sulking, but blissful un-gatecrashed holidays.

    I would have said no too.

  2. Hmmmmmm, sorry Marcia holiday is meant to be enjoyable and not for dealing with family drama (I just can't handle family drama and I avoid it at all cost because it brings out the worst in me and I don't have the energy for avoidable stress).

    I had to laugh at you saying D becomes lazy when his family is around!! Though I like his suggestion which is also still raining on your parade but at least they are not in your space all the time.
    Why don't you make a suggestion to do a holiday together at another time (if you feel up to it ever) And you were brave to even suggest having your MIL along (though would be good for having date night while away)

    Ps: I would have said a very big fat NO!!!!

  3. My MIL hates driving over mountains and she won't fly either so we DEFINITELY won't ever be going on holiday with her. Thank heavens! Mmmm...I think it's a bit presumptuous for SIL to invite herself just because MIL is coming along. Seriously? Where is her husband in all of this? Did she invite herself or did MIL tell her to ask D to come along as well? Either way, they are both overstepping here. The purpose of going on holiday is to get away from EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. Although my MIL is not lazy - she'll cook if I ask her to etc. and I know that she would babysit if Lance and I wanted to go out or something. I would sooooo have said NO though and stood my ground on this one.

  4. The thought of holidaying with my mil makes me very anxious!!!!

    When in CT we stay with my folks and then with D's aunt and family and normally I avoid family this close together but D's aunt is VERY strict about everyone chipping in - she tells D and I it is our turn to cook/clean whatever and is the same with all friends/family who spend time in the holiday house so it works well.

    My mom is pretty much the same but she tends to take it all on herself but my brother and I do chip in and help - we never feel over or under worked!

    Your D did well though. You don't need added stress on what should be a calm time!!

  5. I don't even invite my own kids when we go on holiday...never mind the in laws. I think it was handled very well and with the heat in SA at the moment the frost will soon melt;-)

  6. I used to think I would HATE going on vacation with my in-laws, but now that we've done it a couple of times, I have figured that it works out fabulously for us. But only for the beach vacations, and my MIL sounds quite different from yours. : ) J and I happily eat out every day on vacation (it's just an accepted part of the budget for us), but his mom likes to cool a lot, so she fixed a couple of meals for us. They happily watch the girls for us to go out a night or two, and we all go our separate ways at times and no one minds a bit.

    Again, your situation sounds quite different, and I don't blame you a bit. I also think it's rude to invite someone else along on what began as YOUR family vacation!

  7. Wow! I have no idea how I would have handled that. Thankfully, my DH's whole family are always such busy creatures and they have a joke of being "fast and efficient". We did have a situation when the boys were still babies and on monitors from the hospital and we had to go to Tennessee for my SIL's wedding. We wanted to stay in the hotel across the street from the reception as they had gotten a great rate for us all. My BIL from Wisconsin thought it was a great idea to rent a house around 40 minutes away and wanted us to all chip in and stay there for the wedding. I completely refused. I think I got away with it as being postpartum, but I think DH was happy I refused to comply.


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