Sunday, February 10, 2013
So, are you done having kids?
This is the question asked of me lately and also after Friday's post, "so are you done having kids or do you want more?"
Before I answer that, let me share three quick things with you:
1. I always wanted 4 kids til we knew we had problems and eventually I thought, "well, if I just have one, it will be a miracle".
It was indeed a miracle and I feel very, very blessed (most of the time) to have two.
And because I found the newborn stage so incredibly hard (three is also giving me a run for my money), I can't see past that.
2. When we did our IVF, on day 3, we had three embryos but only had two good ones - an 8 and a 9-cell.
I asked about that third one and they said it wasn't a good enough quality to freeze.
While at the time I felt like I wanted some insurance in case we didn't have a pregnancy, once we had the pregnancy and definitely once they were newborns, I was Very Glad there were no other embryos.
Because it removed the decision from us.
At least two readers of this blog have asked me if we have embryos.
I'm really so thankful we don't have any.
I can't imagine both not wanting kids and having those embryos. I'm weird - I wouldn't want to donate them (my kids...).
3. Then I read this post on Ask Moxie about whether to have a third baby. Moxie has the loveliest readers - such levelheaded and balanced people (lots of T's :)) - and they leave beautiful comments.
So of course, I read all the comments.
And something struck and challenged me.
A lot of people said if you could always see yourself with lots of older children, then that's what you should keep in mind.
Because yes, the newborn and toddler years are difficult but they're short and once they're over, you'll forget those and then have the lovely family you always wanted forever afterwards.
I read of people having or wanting more after twins and I do admit to thinking, "you are absolutely mad" but maybe all along people have been thinking of the big picture?
Wow - I had never thought of it like that. And it actually makes sense. These readers are mostly N's too.
As an S, I'm so fixated on that newborn stage and scared to death of it that I can't see beyond that stage.
All that to say, I haven't changed my mind - I'm still recovering from having twins after all - but I do love that my thinking has been totally changed and challenged by reading that post and the resultant comments.
Isn't that fascinating?
So, are you done? How did you know you were or weren't done? Are you a big picture thinker with regards to kids?
PS which is your favourite pic? These were taken last week Friday.