Friday, May 31, 2013

Ups and downs the last two days

This is post 1600!

Yesterday and today was our MBTI workshop.

It was mostly good but also really difficult being the only extrovert in a roomful of introverts besides the manager.

You see, I've been battling a bit with how nobody talks AT ALL.

But it was kind-of validated that I bring a good balance to the team with my different-ness.

I'm not sure about that yet because it almost feels like they don't really want to be a part of the greater company and I am very firmly of the opposite mindset. You all know how proud I am to work at my secret company.

After the day's work, we went out for supper. Food was good but I'm not a fan of this communal dish business, I like my own plate and don't like to feel like I have to keep paying attention to the food otherwise it's all gone.

I chatted very nicely to two team members and then another two. However, I realised I'm getting old because the noise was too much yet... it didn't seem to be bothering anyone else!

Today was a different matter.

When trying to contribute to the conversation at one point, I was told by a team member to keep quiet because he'd directed the question to another person. Valid, but I felt chastised like a child and worse... no one said anything like, "that's a bit rude" or something.

Later in the morning I tried to say something again and was interrupted. That wasn't a problem but usually afterward, someone will say, "oh Marcia had something she wanted to say..." and nobody did.

I guess what I'm saying is I didn't feel heard.

In the afternoon we had to do an exercise on Johari's Window and share in pairs how we perceive that person. The first one was fine, more or less what I expected except she said I was too loud (!) but this is from an extreme extrovert so there's that, the second one had only nice things to say (lovely guy), and then while we were finishing, I heard the first person from this morning saying to the facilitator, "I'll go with Marcia next" which made me tense up a bit and turns out, with good reason.

My feedback was all positive and I said that I appreciated his email the other day but he may want to just watch his words because I didn't know how to take it. Like this - you did some good work today because you didn't make too many mistakes. Now how would you take that? It's sort of a backhanded compliment, isn't it?

Well, he then gave me lots more feedback exactly like that and I found myself blinking away tears and grabbing my water just to not cry. I was devastated. Some valid points in there but the way it was delivered crushed me. And apparently I have no sense of urgency. I said, "I have honestly never been accused of that....ever" and it was said like that's a problem.

Last person was just lovely and unexpected. I thought she'd be tougher but she was nothing but complimentary - never seen a person more comfortable in their skin, so good at the people thing in secret company, etc.

And honestly, I needed that.

Then there was a wrap-up and I hoofed it out of there where normally I chit-chat a bit.

Of course I did my usual thing which is to cry in the car while driving home. Right this minute I'm sitting here with eyes very swollen from all that crying.

Why did this upset me so?

I need to be heard
I feel like they think I'm useless
I feel like they're chatting all behind my back
Nobody stood up for me

Thanks for listening - I needed to get that out.

How was your week?

PS I have two books to finish tonight to reach my reading goal. Let's see how that goes.


  1. Oh, heart hurts for you. I'm so sorry.

    There are so many things I want to say, but the thing that comes first to mind is...some people are so very insensitive. It never ceases to amaze me. And when that is crossed with someone who so values words and actions, it can cut so deep.

    While I can see how it can provide great balance to the team, I'm sure it can be equally difficult to have a teammate who is "wired" differently from other members. It's so unfortunate it seems like some of your teammates, frankly, are being pretty immature about your roles as relate to each other. I guess it boils down to insensitivity, but it seems like some immaturity in there (based on what you describe), too.

    I'm glad you at least had a positive wrap-up to the day.

    I hope you can clear your mind this weekend. Please go confidently, knowing you are so talented and so passionate...YOU!...and I know you're doing an awesome job. Of course I don't know the details, but from where I sit, my gut is you're still in the "transition" phase of this new position. That "transition" applies to you, of course, but also to those new to working with you. I don't mean to make excuses...not for a moment...but do your best to keep perspective. And NEVER lose sight of your talents, my friend.

    Much love and many hugs to you!

  2. Oh dear me, Marcia... that sounds like how my last 2 years at this place has been... and I've only now found my space that I'm thriving in again.

  3. this is how i think about it: some people are not smart enough to consider how their words come across. they are not intuitive enough to think of how their actions are interpreted. it makes me feel better :) you are brilliant and i'm sorry that you were made to feel less than.


  4. Lesley1:09 am

    My goodness, that sounds like a hard day! It never ceases to amaze me at some people lack of emotional maturity. Sorry you had to experience that! On a positive note, that photo of you is totally BEAUTIFUL!! xx

  5. I'm so sorry. I REALLY hate people who don't know HOW to use their words positively. It's a skill. One that they clearly lack. Not being heard would frustrate me too. ((hugs))xx

  6. Ps...personally, my week was up and down. At least exams got done and we finished off at the school - it went REALLY well. There was some MIL drama but it's sorted now - after I had to put my foot down AGAIN. And work? There are some dodge dealings going on there. I was an anxious WRECK all week.

  7. That is devastating...I feel for you my friend. That was really insensitive of them. Hope you are okay?

  8. :( I'm not sure I like these new kids you're hanging out with!
    Is there competition among the group? Or are these people petty and immature? And why on earth would this guy continue to speak in such a manner after he was asked not to? This is rude!!

    Maybe you need to go all mother hen on them?!

    I'm sorry this is such a struggle now. Hoping things settle down and you have an awesome week this week!

  9. Oh gosh Marcia, that is so very tough. Maybe take it from whom it comes? I read between the lines that you value the last person as a person too and not just a team memeber and she had great things to say.

    Lots of love

  10. Wow...that's quite harsh (and rude) of these people Marcia. I would be very unhappy if that happened to me too.

    Are you okay now?

  11. Oh Marce... I'm sorry you had to deal with that arse who clearly can't get his point across without belittling... I am going to say perhaps he is intimidated and insecure of your ability so lashes out at you? Many times people are like that cos of their own insecurities.

    HUGS for you.


  12. Some people just have no tact, and I am often guilty myself. I pray for this everyday - Lord, help me to BITE my tongue when I have to, and for my words to be gentle when I speak! It's amazing how a few ill spoken words can affect the next person.
    Sorry you felt like this :(


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