Monday, August 19, 2013

New week, new level of despair

My one colleague asked me to have tea with her on Friday so I knew something was up.

The introverts have almost never suggested anything like this :)

She told me that she told our manager she's going to leave and that she'll do the official letter this week.

It seems the bonus gave her some added buffer time so she's resigned without having anything else to go to.

Doesn't that tell you something???

I told her I was VERY happy for her but VERY sad for me. It takes some of the micromanaging pressure off me with two of us on that floor for the project manager to boss around.

One down, one to go.

This afternoon, I had a tiny gap while my useless computer was charging its even-more-useless battery so I quickly emailed to check yet again on feedback.

Well, this time, an hour later, the HR person mailed me back to say my application was unsuccessful.

And there it goes again - only one week tear-free.

This is how I define success at work - if I cried or not.

Isn't that totally pathetic?!

Last cry before this was last Monday.

I feel utterly devastated because this job was perfect for me.

So what are they looking for? Speaking totally objectively, my fit with that role was 100%. My ex-boss and my coach said so ;)

And of course, now I think I'll never get anything because if something was so tailor-made to me and I still didn't get it, what hope do I have?

I'm cried out for the moment so off to gym the minute D gets home.

Please cheer me up with some impossible situations that worked out okay.


  1. Ah my friend. Just BIG hugs. I would make you a huge mug of tea if I was with you now and let you cry as much as you need to. Love you. xx

  2. Lots of hugs my friend!!! All will be well in the end.

  3. Well we weren't suppose to have babies and that worked out! Remember those little faces when you're feeling down. I'll have some sea salt caramel hot chocolate in your honor and send you all the strength you need to walk out the door! Head up!!

  4. Just take one day at a time Marcia...the right job will come along. You have to trust.Maybe you can't move on until you've got some sort of lesson under your belt? What are the chances that you could fix this micro manager before you go in some way (possibly a show down of some sorts?).

    Thinking of you...*hug* You are stronger than this.

  5. Man, I know EXCATLY how you feel. You are the prefect match for a job. You fit the profile 100%. And you dont get the job. It's so disheartening.
    WRT micromanagers - apparently you gain their trust one micro task at a time. You know they will ask you for an update in the morning. You mail an update the previous night.
    Good luck!!

  6. Oh my friend!!! I am so sorry!

    When I stopped working we had high hopes of it all working out - we put all our savings and more into it working - it didn't and we had some touch and go months that we survived by the grace of God (and generous parents) but 2 years on and we still aren't living la vida loca BUT we managed to pay for the most perfect wedding this year, are spending December in Cape Town. We have ENOUGH and we are happy!!

    I am not saying resign - I am saying maybe take a risk that scares you! Remember your word my friend!

  7. Remember "Trust" and I will keep saying "Magic happens outside your comfort zone". Big hug.

  8. I am so sorry to hear M! Just hang in there, the right job for you will come when the time is right. Everything happens for a reason. One day at a time!

  9. Katherine9:46 am

    I am so very sorry you didn't get the job. I can only say this. Fortunately I absolutely love my job, although I only work 6 hours a week and get all the school holidays off so not sure if it really counts. My husband absolutely loves his job and it always reminds me of what my mom once told me. My dad absolutely loves his job (he's a quantity surveyor working for himself) and although it did drive her nuts sometimes that he was always working she always said that he was so happy doing it and that was more important. She had lots of friends whose husbands earned much more but they hated their jobs and she knew what an impact it had on her friends and their families. My dad is still working at the age of 70 and still loving it. My mom is happy doing her own thing (she retired from teaching 3 years ago) and they have enough money to travel overseas more than once a year. From what I understand you are debt-free and you have 2 beautiful children who would relish a few weeks or months with you while you look for something else. They are little for such a short time, in a few years they will be so busy in the afternoons and over weekends and with all their friends and they probably won't want to spend all their time with you. I know it's a massive cliche but no one has said at the end of their life that they wish they had worked harder and if it's making you so miserable it really cannot be worth it.

  10. Ah babe, if that job was 100% right for you God would have opened that door WIDE open. Remember that you believed THE CURRENT job was a perfect fit for you as well? Well. Nuff said.

    Sometimes we just need to stand and TRUST. NOT EASY by any means, but while you are going thru this misery right now, try and appreciate the rays of sunlight you have in your life - D,the kids, your photo's etc and KNOW that God is working this all to your good in the background.

    My impossible story? 7 years of infertility and 6 IVF's later - now I have a KADE! And a miracle natural conception baby on the way... Impossible? For me in the natural maybe, for My Father in HEAVEN? NO WAY JOSE!!

    This WILL pass.


  11. Lea White11:16 am

    I am so sorry you are having such a horrible time, but let me tell you something bigger and better out there is waiting for you. I had a job and I loved it until our 3rd manager came and she was the worst manager ever. An absolute bully who would set impossible targets, offer no support, yell at you in front of others, she'll paint you in a negative light whenever she gets the chance. She is still there. 5 of us complained. HR and this company did nothing. 3 have left, 2 more looking for a new job. I ended up resigning and refusing to go back to work out my notice period unless the company could guarantee no contact between her and me, they refused and instead offered to pay me out my notice period. Since then I have found an amazing new job with great people. I feel valued, they are friendly, I feel part of the team and best of all I'm earning a bigger salary. If she did not come along I would not have resigned, but she left me no choice (and actually was trying to get rid of me) and then I found this amazing new job! You just wait and see!

  12. I am so tremendously sorry that you did not get the job. I feel so heartbroken for you, that you are so unhappy at your company at the moment. Strongs.

  13. I was also disappointed once when I didn't get a play therapy job but it turned out for the best as it would have meant more afternoons and I want to spend those with my kid. I was so sad at the time but I didn't see the bigger picture.

    I really hope things improve for you. I have also had bad times at work. Sending love and really hope something good is around t he corner for you.

  14. Hi, I don't know if this will work out the way I hope, but the whole year I have been wanting to go 1/2 day. I have stressed about it, uhmed and ahhed about it, but I have just been too scared to do anything about it. Yes, finanically it would be hard but we would cope. It was more about my indenpendance than anything else. Finally the decision was taken away from me - I was retrenched (as you know) and oddly enough the only thing i feel is elated!
    Its wierd..... Maybe when I am not working any longer and I have no money I will feel differently - I don't plan on looking for another job. But for now I am just happy.

  15. I'm sorry that you didn't get the job. I feel like so much of what we can do with our lives is out of our control, even when we think we can do whatever we can to control it. It's hard to take a step back and see the bigger picture (which I'm not entirely sure what would be in your case, but you might..), especially when we want to move forward. Praying for you friend as your wrestling with a tough time. xoxo


  16. Oh Marcia, I'm so sorry! You just have to TRUST that something even better will fall into your lap.

  17. ((hugs)) my friend :( I think you need to look outside properly now. Set up your LinkedIn profile properly and get going.
    You cannot stay in that role for much longer, it's bad for your psyche

  18. Oh my know our lives and the whole ministry is a life of faith. I just know that the Lord has you in the palm of His hand. Your perfect fit might not be where He wants you right know that, don't you? Remember that He says that He will never give you more than what you can bare and then He says that His grace is sufficient for you. I just know that He is interested in every little detail of your life and you can trust Him for the perfect position.

  19. oh no... I am so sorry. what a mess of a company that can't see that it has a perfect match right there. I have seen this happen so many times and it has happened to me too. hang in there, be strong.

  20. Well, my T side says that even though the JOB was the perfect fit for you, the PEOPLE are not, and you can't tell that until you've actually done it. So never fear - the next thing will be better, because those people will NOT be there.

    I used to hate my job, then my manager left and now I love it. Same job, same 'fit', but different people. And you can't quantify that.

    Hugs to you, my friend!


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