Saturday, August 24, 2013

This party was hard for me

This is that party where the kids wouldn't listen... at least I'm not the only one with non-listeners?

The party was also hard for me because I'd heard from the teacher before about how cliquey the girls in this class are but to see it played out is horrible.

On the bright side, Kendra couldn't care less about others and does her own thing.

The birthday girl and two friends were the "in crowd" and occasionally they'd get my friend's twins to play along but the main three were clearly in control.

My friend said to me that she and the teacher are working together with the one twin to not just let the birthday girl rule the roost. Apparently her normally very assertive and self-confident one totally lets the Queen Bee control play.

These 4-year-olds make me worry.

That's also where they all get the "I'm not your friend" thing which seriously, seriously makes me see RED! It's a hot button for me because I HATE that kind of meanness.

I'm sure my kids say these things too (okay, I don't think K does) but in my house I don't allow it. I put them in time-out because I think if we tolerate meanness at this level, they turn into horrible little people and I really want kind, caring children.

Enough from Miss Marcia's school of etiquette for today :)

Here are the pretty pictures.

I've decided to "loosely embrace" these kinds of horrible photos for now...

hugging my friend's one twin

spot the odd one out

Ta da!
PS I asked Connor on Thursday, "how was your day, Baby?" and he said, "terrible. No one wanted to play with me except Kendra" My heart breaks!


  1. It sounds so familiar, as a teacher I remember "you're not my friend" and "you're not coming to my party". I tried to teach the kids how to deal with people saying things like that. The idea is to be their friend regardless, eg causally "I didn't know I wasn't your friend, what did I do wrong?" There is a good resource on the Internet bullies to buddies - he disagrees with the anti bully movement because telling on only makes things worse. If you try and use humour as well it helps. E.g. For an older kid being accused of being gay, instead of getting defensive "some people may think that, and my appearance may look feminine, but actually I'm not". I'm not sure if I am explaining it well...

  2. Pictures first - they are so lovely despite you thinking some are "horrible" they are just being 4 year olds. Love them.

    I can't believe they start the I'm not your friend stuff so young, makes me worried. Where do kids so young learn that. They are still babies

  3. As always, your pictures are lovely - especially all the bright colors!

    Marshall will also say things like that about kids in his class - so-and-so is bossy and so-and-so doesn't let anyone I just hope the teachers work to work that out! I totally understand your concern about raising mean kids.

  4. Gorgeous pics.
    I hate mean kids too and I am fascinated when I see it play out at this age. I blame the parents because where else would kids pick up on this behaviour and think that it's OK/normal? Interestingly enough, you do get some boys (not many - usually the spoilt ones who are used to having everything revolve around them) who have the "you're not my friend" streak. But it's nowhere near as bad as with girls.

  5. You captured some beautiful lighting and some great four-year old spunk, for sure!

    To my knowledge, we haven't had to deal with "mean" kids (yet), but I sure dread it. We are going through a bit of a phase at home here recently, where A tries to tell B what she can play with / what she can have, and it's no fun at all.

    All in all, behavior is better (KNOCK ON WOOD), but that's a little piece of nastiness that sometimes rears its head. :/

  6. Hannah often comes home saying "so and so didn't want to play with me today." And I want to turn the car around and drive back to school and give that kid a good telling off.. haha! And I always tell her, not to worry about that, she must go off and play with the other kids, but should I be telling her something else? Like "you tell that kid that he/she BETTER play with you or else!" Or "tell that kid that that is mean and nasty" I don't know.. Funnily enough, Liam doesn't come home saying this.. is it a girl thing? You know how little girls can be.. not sure?
    I've heard them say this to each other at home and I immediately deal with that. But other times Hannah will come crying saying Liam doesn't want to play with her and when I investigate, it's not that he doesn't want to play with her, but more that he doesn't want to play what she wants to play.. he may want to watch TV or be outside and she wants to do something else... so I also try to explain that she can't expect everyone to drop what they are doing to do what SHE wants to do! So I'm also trying to explain "not wanting to play with you" because I am a MEANY versus "I don't want to play with you because I just don't feel like playing THAT game!" Oh the joys!
    So difficult to witness though.. your kid being shut out..

  7. I did a party on Saturday for 9 year olds and it was the first time I was a little taken aback by the girls behaviour! They were little cows! Very polite to me and the adults but to each other - good grief! But then the one mom stood near where I was busy and gossiped for ages with another mom - but not the type of gossip where you talk about your friends who can't make it - it was the horrible "Did you see what SHE wore" kinda gossip!

    I also don't tolerate it and if other kids do it and I see it I call them out on it!

  8. I have to admit it was a shocker for me too when Bianca was growing up and finding out about the bitchiness between the girls. With my two boys we never experienced it...must be a girl thing. Connor is giving you the same kind of cheesy smile as my grandbabies give me...too funny. They possibly had enough of the camera happy photographer.

  9. I worry about Kade being shut out as well - he is such a sensitive child and I'm quite "tough" so I think I need to do some serious research on how to deal with this cos I am sure it's going to come.

    I LOVE C's goofy cheesy "smiles".


  10. I really can not remember that girls were that clicky at that age? I swear even at 8 now A's friends are not. Or maybe she is just comfortable in her little sisterhood. And I do see other girls joining and going, so I really do not know.

  11. When I ask Nicola to smile for a photo I also get the show of teeth sometimes. Hahaha! I delete almost all of them. I see the clique thing at her school too, but luckily she has a pretty solid group of sort of friends that have all come along from the baby class onwards. I don't particularly like all of them, but I'm just hoping the ones I really don't like end up at a different primary school.


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