Sunday, September 15, 2013

On the edge

I've written before about how on edge I'm feeling almost all the time these days.

It's not fun at all, especially for someone who's used to feeling composed and positive.

I chatted to a friend on Friday who is feeling much the same. Emotions are soooo close to the surface all the time.

When Julia sends me her daily "how are you doing today?" email, if I'm particularly vulnerable at that time, the tears just flow into my eyes. I can't take any genuine kindness but the slightest hurt also just throws me.

So that's why a good day these days is one where I don't cry.

My definition of success this week? No tears at work! And to work on my fake cheeriness and "just peachy" attitude.

What is your definition of success for this week?

PS things are particularly bad every Monday morning - even now, on Sunday night, I haven't packed lunch, bag or clothes, all in a crazy effort to put off the inevitable........
PPS I worked out my daily salary and my "mantra" is "at least I'm earning RX today"


  1. Seriously Marcia...You can't go on like this. You NEED to find a different job before this one breaks you completely.


  2. Oh Marcia :-( I am sending big hugs your way.

  3. I am very bad with checking in regularly but I do think about you daily! I want to say what Louisa said! A bad job can destroy your soul! Sit down with D and work out a plan of action to get the change you need for your family! You are a doer - you are the most "doer" person I know - DO IT :))

    I was so sick with sinus last week which made me miserable so it was a success that everyone made it through alive :) I was really not nice to be around.


    If I was closer I would come and drag you out the office for coffee - I may have a photo shoot in JHB when I get back from CT - will see if we can meet up!!

  4. I know you've tackled the question on why you just won't quit, but seriously for how long can this state of mind continue. It's a trial yes but for how long before it breaks you completely. Sending you lots of hugs

  5. I am so sad for you. I do hope that there is a improvement work wise soon.

  6. I am so sorry. Thinking about you and hoping the right job comes along soon!

  7. It makes me so sad to see you struggling so much with this work issue. We can all see that you aren't your normal self at all. Have you moved to the new project yet? (Not sure if that's the right terminology, but I remember you had an option to maybe get away from some of the worst of it for awhile?)

    A and I are both getting sick, so my definition of success this week is making it to Friday in one piece! I hope to cook the meals I have planned and do SOMETHING productive at work. (Obviously I'm off to a great start, as I type this comment from my desk--ha!)

  8. Well, it took me a minute to realize you were earning rand and not prescription drugs lol!! I won't repeat myself other than to say a change would do you good!

    My success this week will be to sort out the Internet at home. I'm dying without it!!

  9. I am really sorry to read that you aren't doing well. I so want to help you somehow.

  10. I can't imagine. I really hope something changes asap

  11. Oh, I know too well this being on edge and overly emotional business that you speak of. At the beginning of the week, my definition of success was to clean this house. I have not made much progress because I got distracted and read for 2.5 hours every night. THAT for me is a successful week - it means that I finish 2 books!

  12. Oh my friend. :( I know you are not a quitter but something has got to give in this situation as well - you can't carry on like this indefinitely! Are you and D able to afford for you to not work for a few months? A 2 - 3 month sabbatical might be JUST what you need. There are other options out there and I am sure that someone like you who is an asset will be snapped up really soon!



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