Tuesday, November 19, 2013

I feel like a mashed banana


I've been missing in action for a few days.

Things are really, really, really bad around here.

I don't want to say too much because I start crying and I'm tired of crying. I cried for 2 hours today.

There was this exercise we did once in a group session as an icebreaker.

If you had to imagine yourself as a fruit, what would you be?

One lady said, "I feel like a mashed banana - all bruised and battered and with some of the fruit poking out of the skin".

Powerful image.

That's what I feel like today.

PS at the time, i said I felt like a Granny Smith apple - firm, tart and yet sweet. Hmmm.


  1. Oh, Marcia! I am so sorry to hear that things are not going well. I noticed your absence and I was afraid that meant something was going on. Hugs and prayers for you, my friend!

  2. Was wondering where you are. Sorry you are feeling mushed, its so sad how things can affect our lifes. Please just dont allow them to break your spirit, you are a wonderful lady with so much life and love to give, dont let them take that away from you. I know its easier said than done, but there will come a point where you will decide that enough is enough, you will stop crying and just live day to day, that is no way to live your full life. Your path is set, but its up to you to take the steps.

  3. Hope you are an apple soon again! xxx

  4. did wonder where u were and hoped that things hadn't come to a head. Hope you're back to your firm, crisp , sweet self again soon xx

  5. Praying my friend. Hang in there. The Lord will not let you be tempted above what you can handle and He always provides a way out.

  6. My heart is bleeding for you. *Hug*

    Would a distraction help? Cause I have totally forgotten how to put up a new banner...

  7. You are still that apple! You just need some lemon juice to freshen you up! ;)

    [I don't know what this means...but I am carrying on with the "fruit" theme, in hopes that it will make you smile.]

    Continued love and hugs to you, Marcia...please don't forget that you *are* awesome. I mean that with all my heart!!!

  8. The apple will be back soon again. Lots of hugs and kisses

  9. You know what mashed banana makes? The BEST banana bread... You will get thru this and whilst you might be different than that Granny Smith apple at the end of it, you might not necessarily be worse off...


  10. Ugh! I'mso so ssorry that you are in banana mode-thats no fun at all. Thinking of you - xxx

  11. It's been a while since I've been in the blogosphere, and I saw this in my reader (would you believe I've only just found a new blog reader today). I'm so sorry you are going through heartache at work. I've looked back through a few of your other posts and I see it's gone on for a while.

    If this was a relationship, you'd break up with him. You're feeling traumatised and abused and there's never a good enough reason to stick around for that. You might be feeling like there is something that you need to "overcome", or like you need some kind of closure, but you can have it after you've left, seriously. Your subconscious mind has already identified your work place as a "dangerous" place, that's why every instinct in your body is telling you not to go there on a Monday morning. Nothing that happens from here on in will ever make you feel safe and comfortable there after this.

    I had a similar situation in my twenties, my colleague went to work for a client and the director of the company I worked for (who also happened to be my best friend's brother), cracked. He read all my emails because I was in her team, and I had stupidly complained to a friend about my job in one of them. From that day on there was a target on my head. I still spent another year there trying to prove myself and clear my name, but I never got acknowledged and I knew I had to get out. I took a sabbatical, walked out without another job. It was something I had to do anyway, because the industry I work in is very small, and the only potential employers had done business with my company. My colleague was being sued by them in her personal capacity to the tune of R1,6m. Yes. Seriously.

    I wrote a list of all the things that I wanted from my next job... double the salary, Mondays off, relaxed environment and a boss who was super switched on and focussed on the product, not his own ego. Two months later, I decided to phone someone I had given training to previously, and that man is now my boss. I named my salary, I have worked 4 days a week for the past 10 years. I work on a product that has integrity because of the boss that I work for. Of course it's not all rosy, I work in a small team and have had no promotional aspects for the past 10 years. But I couldn't have asked for a more perfect work/life balance, work is the one thing that has not waivered in my life in all that time.

    Love yourself enough to grant yourself a peaceful workplace experience.

    Thinking of you.


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