Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Infertility flashback


This whole "elephant in the room" thing, as I mentioned before, feels all too familiar like the infertility/ IVF thing of 2008.



lines in the sand

I kept saying with the infertility, "this far and no further" and I kept moving that line in the sand further out. If IVF2 wasn't successful, I've no doubt the line would have shifted again and when we had enough money, would have done IVF3.

I keep saying with the work thing, "let's just see how this job application works out" and there was one position which hasn't panned out. My technical skills for two things were non-existent and it's an area that can't afford training time.

Then I applied for another position. Applications closed on Friday last week and STILL I have not had an interview date. I'm going to ask them outright if I'm shortlisted or not.

I heard via the grapevine that there is something coming up soon which I know I can do but who knows if "they" think I'll be able to do it. It's definitely on a higher job grade than what I'm currently on.

And my ex-manager has sent my CV to one of our partners and spoken to them. They want to meet me but that will only be next year.

Christmas 5 years ago

We mostly avoided Christmas 5 years ago because we were so tired. Exhausted from the infertility and the first failed IVF. Of course we also had a 23-day trip to 4 countries (including Ireland!!!) which was fabulous so it wasn't a bad year, just emotionally very draining.

D and I planned to just do chicken and a salad for our lunch that year. And then we got the positive news on the 24th Dec. Coincidentally D's uncle invited us around for Christmas lunch which was great - low-key and perfect. We took our chicken and salad with us :)

This year again we plan to do a low-key Christmas - chicken and salads... but we've invited the family and hopefully it will be good.

worst year ever?

In 2008 I thought that was the worst year ever... until now. Now I'm convinced this is the worst year ever.

Someone told me last week that there's a spiritual attack on the church at the moment. You think?!

I'm not alone

At the time I knew I wasn't alone because of the infertility girls but aside from them, it sure felt like I was the only one going through all that nonsense.

And this year I've felt much the same. I've spoken about having Link.ed In envy where it seems everyone has a wonderful job they enjoy... except me.

Yet I know I'm not the only one battling with a job. It just feels like it's not just a bad-fit job but people out to get me, HR taking their side, etc. 

So really, my hope is that like in 2008, this all resolves in a few weeks so I can have cautious hope again.

I'm sure all of you, even if you have boring jobs, or a problem or two at work, thank God you don't have MY job problems, right? :)

I did the budget on the weekend and I was determined to look for something positive - and I found it. At least I have an emergency fund (I just am not keen to dip into it :))

Seriously, on a scale of 1 to 10, how has this year been for you?

8 comments:

  1. Is "emergency" code for travel fund? I hope so!

    You're not alone in your job struggles, believe that. I just don't have the mental strength to spend every weekend with my husband, lol. I would say over all this year is a seven. I've gotten to comfortable with life and there hasn't been much forward progress for me. :(

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  2. People lie on LinkedIn... never forget that.
    I laugh when I read some people's descriptions of their jobs because I know they don't actually do that!

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  3. It's been a rough year for me. Parts of it was really good and parts of it sucked to the n-th degree. Hang in there Marcia, and by there I don't necessarily mean the purple place. ;-) It WILL get better.

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  4. It's also been a rough year, with the new developments on the infertility front, the job issues, family issues and no time outs for us, I really feel like having no Christmas and new year, just quietly drifting through it, but that isn't possible either, hubby's grandparents are coming from Portugal, so there's a busy few weeks ahead which I am really not looking forward to. Feels like my suck it up and deal with it balloon is about to explode.

    I can only hope and pray for you that your job thing turns out for the best in 2014, and that this test in your life will soon be over.

    Hang in there Marcia xx

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  5. This year has been really hard. But also one with LOTS of growth. I hate growth. Well actually, I like growth. But I HATE what I have to go through to get to that point. That is DEFINITELY never going to be my word for the year.
    I’d say that 2013 has definitely not been the worst year for me, nor was it my best year yet. I wonder if I will ever get to experience something called MY BEST YEAR YET. Pffft.
    I think that you have shown a lot of perseverance this year. In fact, I learned from you (merely by observing) what it actually means to trust. Your 2013 (as bad as it was) taught me A LOT. Thank you for being brave enough to share your experiences. You are going to have a BETTER 2014. I know it. xx

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  6. I think most people I know and am connected to have found 2013 particularly challenging. For me personally 2013 has been a collage of ups and downs. We've had a lot of crap happen but we've also had a lot of good stuff go down.

    I know that you're getting your breakthru soon my friend. I know it.

    xxx

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  7. This year has been hard...but not as hard as past years. I guess there is still a lot of growing happening :-)

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  8. This year has been pretty good. We moved, and struggle a bit with our finances because of it, but when don't we? We're closer to my family and Ryan's treatments.

    We did have Ryan's setback with the cancer, and my gallbladder fiasco. But I'd say it's been a 7 or 8. I've been happy.

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