Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Unintended consequences of "just leaving"

Me "just leaving" has been so very interesting.

A social experiment almost.

There's the good things about being home but no-one wants to hear about that so I'll get onto the not-so-good bits, of which there are 3 that immediately spring to mind.

1. friends are few

What's that saying, "when days are dark, friends are few". I feel like I need to rewrite that to say, "when drama is gone, friends are few".

It's early days but I can count on 3 fingers (!) friends who have checked on me, one of whom is my boss from the old team, not the disaster team. It's a little bit (okay, I lie - a LOT) discouraging but what can you do. And yes, I have been contacting others.

It just makes me wonder if I've been too vulnerable and open, and people were hooked on the hell-hole that my life had become? I don't know.

2. people keep asking me if I've got another job yet

I'll admit this one ticks me off, along with the "lady of leisure" comments.

I am not looking. At all. But I'm working very hard.

I stumbled upon a place I want to work at, if things fall into place, but not looking yet.

I suppose it's just the normal thing people ask, but in my mind, I'm still healing.

3.  I miss interacting with people

I'm still coaching only on one day a week so there's that, but otherwise, aside from social media, which doesn't do it for me.

On my "assessments" it says I have a high need for social extension and I'm feeling it badly!

Which is why I'm really looking forward to meeting up with Laura tomorrow.

What are you looking forward to doing tomorrow?


  1. Damn now I'm trying to work out if I've contacted you!! LOL!
    Been thinking about you a lot... and a little envious that you've been able to do it.

  2. Wednesday is my day "off" and for the last MONTH it has rained every. single. week. With the rain falling now and the predicted rain to come I can't say I'm hopeful for much. *whomp, whomp*

    I'd LOVE to drop by and check on you. ;)

  3. It's not so much that people aren't interested. Ok some people are attracted to the drama. But most people are acknowledging that you are at a time now where you need quiet space and time to heal and build your new life. People will again come into your life when the time is right.

  4. Crikey, I think I've asked you if you're looking for another job? Also I have been trying to give you some space to find your feet and yourself after the disaster that was the purple place in the end... I know when I "just left" my one job I needed that solace to find myself in the shallow shell I had become.

    Know this though, I stalk you on your blog and Instagram daily and you are STILL in my prayers.

    Much love

    PS - we need to meet up soon! (I will keep hounding you, hehehe)

  5. I do think you are using the time to regroup within yourself which is great . I know I have asked you re your plans - but that is because I am sure you have some plan in your mind - maybe as vague as I want to go into x, y or z.... but meant in the best way possible.

  6. I think having one three things on the list means you are in a winning position!. Well done, good choice

    1. oops that was only three things

  7. You need time to heal. I think you made a good decision and I know that you will wait upon the Lord before you move on anywhere. The best possible place to be is "in the will of God".

  8. I can't fully relate to your situation, having left my job when the girls were born. I had a couple of friends who were fantastic at keeping in touch...I couldn't have made it through that first year without them. Unfortunately, I was really surprised by another few "friends" (I really thought we were much more than "work friends") who didn't stay in touch. I reached out to them on numerous occasions, offered to meet them on their schedule, but we drifted apart. I don't think it was intentional on their part...but I can only think that our friendship was one of convenience (seeing each other every day at work), and when that wasn't there, they didn't have time to keep it up.

    I am glad to hear you're being so intentional with your time. Enjoy the freedom to think and plan on your schedule. I am so very proud of you!

  9. I am FB friends with one girl I worked with but she never actually engages me - I should probably unfriend her. Then I was very close to one lady who was at my wedding and I do have contact with but we have a special relationship - she is almost like a mom! Other than that no one checked in and I was ok with it. I am like that though - when something is over it is OVER! I don't want to be a part of it anymore. So I never reached out to them.

    I actually always thought I was more extroverted than introverted but I don't think that any more so I don't need much interaction but there is a blog post tomorrow about it (sort of)

  10. I don't think it's the addicted to drama scenario at all...I guess everyone is waiting to see what you get up to next but not wanting to push and find out in case you don't want to talk about it? ;-)

    The last time I was home alone for extended period of time (2006) was actually when I started blogging, but you're right - it's not the same as face to face contact.

    I had a fairly great day. Let's just say I've got a whole heap of new things to sink my teeth into a secret place...I'm out of my league completely...but everyone seems to think I can do it...so I'll just wing it and see what happens. IF I fail, it won't be for lack of trying!

  11. I would think giving yourself time to heal is hugely important before getting into something else. If you want to stay at home like me there are always mom's groups, lol! that has helped me.

  12. Hang in there! I'm sure all your friends are just giving you a little space. We had the boys' birthday yesterday and I hope they enjoyed it as much as I did!

  13. I bet it's a rough transition. I know that if I had to go from stay at home mom to working full time it'd be rough, because you get in such a groove and routine. I'm not one for a lot of in real life friends though, so all the stimulation of working would overwhelm me- it's like we're opposites in that sense.

  14. I think about you often but want to also give you some space and time to get over your ordeal. I know it was a difficult year for you. I am still amazed at your courage to "just leave" and I know it was not an easy decision to make. But I am also a bit envious that you are able to stay at home for a while and not "have" to find another job immediately. I'm sure there are a lot of people that are desperately unhappy in their jobs and are not able to resign for financial reasons. You are one of the lucky ones. But you have also worked hard at being so good with your finances that you are able to take this time off to get your life back in order. I look forward to seeing the old Marcia again soon!

  15. 1. You are in a new normal. You’ve had drama in your life for an entire year and now you don’t have any. It’s a new normal for them too and it's likely that they don’t know how to be with you right now. Perhaps they recognise that you need space and time to heal. It may be a good idea to be clear about what it is that you need from your friends right now.
    2. You are one of very few who can actually afford to not be looking. Every single unemployed person that I know is frantically looking for work. People who don’t know your circumstances are naturally going to assume that you are looking for work. I don’t think that you need to read anything into it. They are concerned. That’s all. I’d say to have a standard answer to this if it’s really annoying you. Also – if you tell people you are not looking for work then they are going to make the lady of leisure comments – that’s just how people are. I honestly don’t think that there’s malice intended and again, having a standard answer might be just what you need here.
    3. This is a tough one. I had a friend who was in this very position – I think I blogged about her before. Gym is your friend. Maybe volunteering somewhere? Maybe getting involved in school stuff? Honestly? I would RELISH this time but I know that you need people more than I do. Not sure how you can get around this but I know that you will figure this out soon enough.



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