Sunday, July 20, 2014

Saying yes to all the important people things

So remember that post I wrote on the effects of just resigning?

3 things happened as a result of that post:

1. I decided to do some "work" on myself. I am currently not working with a coach but since I am a coach, I pretend I'm coaching someone else and give myself occasional homework and make myself answer the hard questions.

2. I objectively looked at where I've clammed up about my plans because I don't want to talk about things too much while still figuring them out vs where people have genuinely not taken an interest in me when I thought they would. This was revealing in itself.

I love MandyE's comment on that post. It echoes much of what I'd been feeling. While I'm all for being flexible, adaptable and such, I'm definitely not about being a doormat and I do require reciprocity. This was hard because it meant admitting to myself that in some cases, I'm simply putting too much effort into relationships.

I'm not desperate. It's just that I care, I try to be a good friend and I suppose I do expect the same in return. So when it doesn't happen, it hurts. Bottom line - God is my source and He really is the only one who can fulfill all my emotional needs, and He does!

3. Last, I decided to take a more active approach. This was somewhat in response to 1 above. So when people have asked, I've said YES more knowing that I both need the interaction and that I'd enjoy it afterwards even if a big schlep to organise babysitters, arrange my schedule and such.

Back to number 1 on that list.

When I was working through some personal development things, I wrote down my core desired feelings.

Yes, I mind map everything. EVERYTHING. Blogging for the month, planning out a talk, goals for the week, EVERYTHING.

The next question was which 3 things would I have to do to bring more of those core desired feelings into my life.

And so I grabbed a PL card (freebie) and wrote this down:

I love this little card.

So I stuck it up with washi tape on the top of a photo frame.

Real people are people face-to-face, or who engage properly with me in person, email, phone (so rare). In other words, when there's a real person in my life, they're always going to trump IG/ FB and computer stuff.

How this translates - I'm saying yes to friends who want to meet up if it makes sense for me too. I'm taking time when I'm out and I get into conversations with people at the gym, shopping, kids' school, etc. And I'm trying hard to be brave, vulnerable and ask for help if I know I can trust my heart with them. I had a situation a few weeks ago when I reached out to someone who absolutely came through for me. I can't tell you what that did for me. It was just great! But I can't share like that with many people and that's ok too.

I feel super accomplished when I'm doing stuff. Creating content, courses, products, but also creating an organised area, photographs, memories with my family, food, etc.

I've been coaching for 11 years and from my work with clients (and personal experience), it's harder than ever before to stay intentional with the onslaught of information, social media, etc. Not impossible, just harder.

If I work with my phone next to me, I'm constantly distracted by messages popping up even if the ringer's turned off. So I leave the phone in the bedroom while I work in the study and when I use the loo, I'll quickly check if I want to see what's happening.

That's the quickest way for me to be fully present with my family.

I'm personally a fan of small, constant steps rather than big, dramatic ones, and keeping the balance throughout the day and week is key for me rather than a crazy big unplug when it all gets too much. In fact, that's how this stuff never really gets too much for me (the social media stuff).

How about you?

This post is already way too long but I want to finish off by saying this:

I (and you) always have choice.

I am not a victim of circumstances. If I don't like something about my life, I can change something - either my response to it, or I can change the circumstances.

What are you saying yes to these days?
What do you need to say yes to?

PS Amazon sent me a gift card to my account which will be used super soon as, despite my best intentions, I still seem to be buying about 3 - 4 books a month.
PPS just realised this could tie into the new book, Let's all be brave, by Annie Downs.


  1. I love your thinking my friend. Totally.

  2. I battle with my phone next to me too but I battle more to leave it where I can't see it *sigh*.

    I am saying yes to red lipstick :))

    1. Try it for a day, Laura, just when you need to focus on work!

      :) at the red lipstick!

  3. It's always been a constant struggle for me to speak to real people and be present in the moment. A long time ago, I used to have post-it notes stuck on my mirror to remind of life goals. Your post just encouraged me to go back to doing that

    1. AH! That makes me so happy.

      Get out those post-its and start sticking!

  4. I'm really bad with goals, but then you know that ;)
    I like your focussed thinking, I really do.

  5. Well done on staying focused to what is important to you. I think not enough people do that these days. People are too scared of making changes in their lives, for fear of the unknown. I think you are very brave and courageous!

    P.S. I love that pic of you in the purple slide, you look so happy!

  6. Great attitude! :-)

    Mmm...saying yes to...there's a lot of fake it till you make it going on in my neck of the woods at the moment. That guy at work who is like nails on a black board to me is still at it. I might get fired soon cause I keep mouthing off to him (and I'm not even saying half of what I want to say).

  7. I am saying yes to.... making time for myself every day to just read my book - even if it's as I am blowdrying my hair. I am also trying to keep my phone out of sight (and out of mind) while I am with the kids. I need to be more present with them.


  8. I do love this post. These days I am saying yes to QUIET. I NEED it.


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