Thursday, October 30, 2014

Update on my word of the year - shine?


So guys, the last time I thought about my word of the year I remember emailing with Julia and said, "I don't know what God was doing giving me a word like SHINE unless He meant my shiny face from all the tears".

Seriously. I said that.

I just went back and read all my shine posts for the year. Here's the link. And here's the last one I wrote in May, nearly 6 months ago.

Oh my gosh, the thought of me taking those little white pills daily just to get through the day makes me so sad. I can't believe I actually went through all that. Last pill 17 April.

Okay, I want to share something with you.

A mom of C's classmate who I'm very friendly with chatted with me at a recent party. She said her sister worked somewhere for 21 years and then was retrenched. That devastated her but eventually she bounced back and got herself another job. 

A year into this new job, she got called into the office and there her manager and HR sat only to tell her that she was being retrenched again. She just laughed and laughed. They were (rightly) worried but she told them that it was totally fine; she'd made it through before so this was really no big deal. She'd be fine.

And that's how I feel.

That now that I've been through (what I think is) the worst job experience ever, definitely of my life thus far, I will be okay with anything.

I will certainly never ever put up with such abuse for so long again. Next time I will "just resign" because I know I'll be okay. I've learnt that I can live on very little money and that in the grand scheme of things, my sanity (and not depending on a little white pill to get me through the morning without crying) really is worth more than a paycheck. I need to write a post on God's amazing provision.

K asked me the other day if my new boss made me cry yet!!!!! And I said, "no, but Baby, that is never going to happen again".

I read a blog post by someone who reads this blog - I won't link in case she feels weird about it - who went through a very similar situation to me. But far shorter. And reading those blog posts was healing for me.

Why?

Because I am not alone. Here is someone just a step away (in the blog world) going through the same thing. So it's probably happening much more than I originally thought. Not just to me.

These horrible work situations that are absolutely unfair happen to good, hardworking people like us as well as to others.

I had a lot of the "why me?" going on. I mean, "seriously, why me, God?!!!" is something I cried probably a couple of times a week at one point. Maybe because I took pride in my work and it's like the worst thing in the world for my work not to work out, you know?

I don't know why this happened to me... still. Maybe I'll never know? Maybe it was random? Maybe because I was female? Maybe because I came from another background and not the same one the rest of the team came from? Maybe I was singled out because I dared to talk about what I was experiencing in an authentic manner and that rubbed someone the wrong way?

I don't know.

But I do know God brought me through it.

It's so awesome when the Word comes to life.
taken by D in the Drakensberg
 Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
(read other translations here)

Did someone need to read that scripture today? (please let me know - it so encourages me!)

So that's a bit of where I am with shine, which is nowhere I thought I'd be.

Have you been through a hellish work situation and come through on the other side? Did it give you a new outlook?
And in other news, tell me, what was your word of the year again, and please give me a quick update.

OHMYGOSH, I just read this post and I think this is why I struggled so much. One of my highest values is fairness and I clearly suffer from the Just World Hypothesis. I couldn't understand (still can't) why all the horrible things were happening to me when I'd done nothing to deserve it. Oh dear!

6 comments:

  1. No word of the year for me this year...but there is something I like to do when I have a "Why me?" Moment.

    I like to read Og Mandino's The Greatest Salesman in the world. I've all sorts of things in there but here are a few of my favs:

    I will live this day as if it is my last. And what shall I do with this last precious day which remains in my keeping? ...I will waste not a moment mourning yesterday's misfortunes, yesterday's defeats, yesterday's aches of the heart, for why should I throw the good after the bad?

    Success will not wait. If I delay she will become betrothed to another and lost to me forever. This is the time. This is the place. I am the man. I will act now.

    I will persist until I succeed. I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course through my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by a shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will not hear those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny.

    Also, I remember the very worst moment of my life when God reached out to me with Joshua 1:9...especially the bit about, have I not commanded you to be courageous?

    That usually gets me riled up enough to fight the good fight. It's the push I need to get over myself and get on with whatever needs getting on with I guess.

    Anyhoo, sorry for the enormously long comment - but it's a subject close to my heart. ;-) xxx

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  2. Yip I pretty much went through it for 10 years at my previous job. It didn't start out bad but the last 5 years I suppose were horrible. Possibly my biggest regret is not leaving earlier!

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  3. Oh my friend, your word is so very very well chosen. Looking back one can see that God lead you to shine, through and after it all.

    My Brave has stood me is great stead this year - my best chosen word as yet. Maybe as I had more insight into my year than one usually does. You know what our struggles are and how very hard its been - and all the time I think "Brave", you have to be Brave. Not sure how I can trump that for next year that will pose the same set of issues.

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  4. I had one of those work situations in my job before my current one - it was AWEFUL and I hated going to work. But thank God I got out (with no job lined up) on the Wednesday I interviewed at current job on the Friday, signed an offer that afternoon and started working the next week. God's provision!

    xxx

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  5. Yes he'll never forsake or leave us, even when it seems He is not with us, we take comfort that he won't!

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  6. We've been memorising Psalm 91, and the most beautiful image I have of God comes from verse 4 which says He will cover you with His feathers..I get this warm feeling when I think of a little chick who nestles under his mama duck's feathers.. Like I always think of God has a kick ass, no nonsense warrior and defender who will beat down mountains to protect me - that's MY God, you DO NOT want to mess with HIM! I quite LOVE the God of the Old Testament who would wipe you out if you stepped out of line hahaha..... But this other image of a loving, gentle daddy who picks me up and hides me under His feathers. Oh wow! And I too often question WHY things are happening to me, my family, why things just can't go right or why we can't just get overcome certain challenges and trials.. why why why.. but now I think about my Daddy who covers me with his feathers where I am safe, REGARDLESS of what is going on around and to me. I'm glad you've come out "shining" on the other side my friend!

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