Friday, December 26, 2014

2014 round-up - part 1 - the friendship version

I collapsed on the bed earlier thinking about what I had to do tonight and said to D, "wait! is this already the last Friday of 2014?!"

When he said yes, I realised I have TONS of posts still to do and I've run out of time so best I start.

Let's talk about 2014 and friendship.

It's been... odd... and good and some things have been unexpected and some things have been so very lovely.

First, the numbers (be prepared to be shocked. I am!)

40  - no. of friends' names on my spreadsheet - last year's people plus new friends
85 - friendship/ social connections over the year (1 party where I see 3 friends counts 3)
* 49 - 1:1 connection time (in other words, no parties or multiple friends date)
6 - new friend meet-ups (two in Cape Town and 4 up here)
6 - friends I didn't see at all. 1 is not local so understandable, 3 I have let go of, and 2 I need to make a plan.
17 - number of friends I only saw once. A lot are not local ;)

(* I have 3 friend dates scheduled for this week. All 3 are 1:1 so I've included them here but I'll come back and amend if any of them flake on me!)

Interesting thoughts:
  • Amazing how I agonised about the people from my old company before leaving... and the people who have stayed in touch are the same people that always did. ONLY THREE! But 3 very good eggs :)
  • Makes complete sense but the months where I had more than 4 one:one friend dates are the months I felt most connected and happier. When you see friends at parties and such, it's just not the same. It's still good, but not the same.

What worked?
  1. I had a monthly goal to have at least 2 socials. Most months were too easy but some months I just about managed it.
  2. On average, it works out to 7 per month which sounds crazy now that I type that. I think 4 - 6 is my personal comfort but of course, the birthday months of July and August throw everything out the water - it is CRAZY.
  3. Oct and Nov are traditionally very busy months in SA because it's warm, everyone comes out of hibernation and lots of babies are born because there are a lot of birthdays.
And what's the plan for next year?

1. Unsurprisingly, I will still have a monthly friendship connection goal but next year I want to do more at-home "entertaining" if you can call it that when it's one or two friends because eating out is getting way too expensive.

2. I keep thinking if I'm paying R130 for a main course and a cup of tea... and I'm a tee-totaller and I drink ONE cup not multiple cappucinos, etc. then I don't even want to think about other people who drink and have numerous coffees and eat.

Multiply that out by 4 dates a month, and it's a good monthly unit trust investment, which is where I prefer to put my money :)

When I was out from work for those 4 months, most of my allowance went towards eating out!

3. I'm going to extend a few invites and if nothing comes of it, then so be it... because I suspect I might be the one fuelling the fire for some of the friends on the list.

4. I'm also thinking of doing something really cute involving good, old-fashioned letters in the mail... I'm good with following through on projects, but it is a 52-week commitment.....

If you made it til the end, congrats and thank you :)

Now tell me, how did 2014 stack up in terms of your friendships?
What were the highlights and lowlights?
What, if anything, are you doing differently next year?

PS feel free to write your own post and link to me.


  1. I had a mixed friendship year. Some BRILLIANT friendships and friend dates and some friendships that started to feel like too much work. I got a bit braver towards the end of the year and called one person out on it. Of course it didn't go well (I think I told you?) but I'm actually OK. If there's anything that I have learned during 2014 it's that life is too short to waste on people who don't make the effort. There's that quote about not making someone a priority if you are only an option to them? Well, I finally get it and I am adopting that in 2015. I have decided that I need to just kind of move on from some people and expect them when I see them. I just won't make the effort anymore and that's OK. No idea about friendship goals for next year yet. I still need to think about ALL the stuff!

    Also. I am giving my spreadsheet an overhaul. Before 2014 is over.

  2. 2014 was a great year for me friendship wise. Best in a few years actually. I met online friends who have become real good friends and had loads of one on one dates (ok with the kids) but it still counts in my world seeing as I had a little baby and not much help on weekends when I can get to see people.

    Now that you write it out it does get very expensive! Luckily I don't have too many friends so that helps keep cost low LOL

    2015 I hope to do more of the same. My policy is if it is too much hard work maybe it is not worth it and that is what I have adhered to in 2014 and hope to carry on into the new year. Julia is right don't about not making people priority when you are only an option to them.

    I actually prefer home entertainment (odd as it may sound) but maybe it is because right now it is easier to handle with a mobile toddler and we know how child friendly most restaurants are (NOT) And I can't handle SP.UR

  3. Ps...some highlights of this year ito friendship? Friend dates with you, Sam, Funso. Hopefully I get to meet up with Shayne and Laura next week. And hopefully I get to Jhb next year so I can see Robyn.

    1. Totally! That CT trip was EXCELLENT in every way :)

  4. It was a good friendship year for me too. I met some online girls who became good friends and have spent more time connecting with the people who make an effort back with me. That is what I will be doing more of in 2015, focusing on the quality friends.


  5. I really need to be more social. It's one of my goals this year.


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