Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Parenting advice from my friend Julia

Oooh, thanks again for leaving such nice comments on Louisa's parenting advice last week.

Next up, some advice from my friend, Julia.

Interesting thing to note but both Louisa and Julia claim to be INFP....if memory serves me correctly :)
  1. Understand that just like no two adults are the same, no two kids are the same either.  Get to know your child/ren and respect them as individuals.   This obviously means that they will have different needs.  Where it is reasonably possible, work WITH them and their quirks and not AGAINST them – otherwise you’re going to be a very miserable parent. 
  2. Kids do not always have the ability to express themselves in an emotionally mature manner and they don’t always know how to use their words effectively. Sometimes they will act out. Sometimes they may become a bit quiet.  Listen to what it is that they are NOT saying and read between the lines. 
  3. Think long-term. Ask yourself: “how will I feel if my child does xyz or abc in public.”  Ask yourself: “what is the long-term implication of my child doing xyz at this moment”.  Ask yourself: “what message am I sending my child if I do xyz or abc.”
I've never seen Julia with her kids but I know from how she writes and talks about them that at least some of her parenting superpowers are:
  1. she is a fierce mama-bear advocate
  2. she's very mindful of what's right for them (whether society feels differently)
  3. she celebrates their uniqueness
Over to you!
What do you do to parent for the long term?

PS One of our values has always been to raise independent kids, so from the time they were itty-bitty babies, we let them play by themselves on a playmat, so they didn't expect us to always be the entertainment. That's just one example but I mention it because at least 4 - 5 people commented on it at the time, and we thought, "huh! doesn't everyone do this?"


  1. Love this! I'm learning a lot from these series. Isn't it so true that no one size fits all when it comes to kids. (Or adults for that matter)

    Ha ha ha do you know how many people are shocked we let K feed herself! And that she never had "baby food". Long term I want to raise a God fearing, conscientious child.

  2. Ah my friend. You're so sweet! I think we look LOVELY in these pics!

    Long-term I need kids who are independent. Long term I need kids who are thinkers. Long term I need kids who are sensible and smart. Long term I need kids who can fit into any situation. I think I need to write a post on this.

  3. I didn't know you're not supposed to let them play by themselves 0_o. The big things I want K to have long term is confidence, kindness and respect for others. I haven't quite figured out how we'll get there though.

    Mrs FF, we do the same with our little. He's been mostly feeding himself since he was about 7/8 months old. Yay for babies who feed themselves :)

  4. I thought I had this parenting thing down until Emma *sigh* She is so different and my "method" isn't working with her so I am not sure if I actually ever did know anything.

  5. I love what Jules said - would possibly be much of that if I had the guts to send some to you.

  6. Love this!
    Long term I want N to trust her gut feel about things, so I allow her to make her own mistakes and choices to a certain extent now already...with those come consequences of course.

    Also I don't want her to be playable by guilt trip. I suffered terribly to shake that off myself.

  7. Jules is a wise mommy. I love her.

    Long term, I want to raise well mannered, independent, thoughtful and thought provoking people.



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