Posting on Monday because my website's been down!
I heard something explained so beautifully on a podcast recently.
Interestingly, I could remember exactly where I was when I heard (top of Oxford Road where it changes into Rivonia) this but not which podcast it was on.
So I googled and I think it was this one - Jess Lively talking to Dana Schultz from Minimalist Baker.
Anyway, this is what they said: there's a difference between connecting with someone and being able to be vulnerable with them. YES!
You may have things in common with someone which provides the connection and spark (chemistry, if you will) and yet you might not feel like you can be vulnerable with them. Trust needs to exist in order for you to be able to be vulnerable.
Isn't that excellent?
I had myself an aha moment right there in my car.
This is why you can many great conversations with people about things you have in common, but not feel able to share because of the trust thing.
There is a person I work with who shares a number of work characteristics with me :)
But over the last year or so, I've seen more and more sides to this person that made me realise I cannot trust them even a little bit.
Well, not with any of my feelings.
I've stopped sharing everything. Not even a tidbit about the kids or house stuff anymore. I can see they've noticed. In fact, this person has asked me if they can ask me a personal question and I suspect it's about this withdrawing.
And then there are other people who you know you can trust immediately, right?
It's fascinating to me. I don't even know how conscious it is that I know the difference (not always! e.g. old job!!!) but I usually do.
For me, the lack of trust is not only about blabbing to others although that is a big part; it's sometimes that I don't feel my feelings will be held safely and not dismissed as unimportant.
I do feel blessed that there are those friends (Julia is one!) that are always such a safe place I could say anything to them and they won't think I'm absolutely crazy :)
Can you think of people you connect with, but don't feel able to be vulnerable with?
Do you have enough "safe place" people in your life?