Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Who are you, really?

I've mentioned before that it's always very interesting to me to see and hear how people introduce one another.

We are all multi-faceted and incredibly complex human beings, and we therefore define ourselves in many different ways.

I've been introduced as a mother of twins, organised, someone I met on the internet, etc.

All terrible descriptions, at least to me. You can call my house organised anytime, by the way :)

I think I object to these descriptions because they're just things that happened to me, not who I am at my core.

I'm grateful to parent these twins but I like to think that if I had the four I'd wanted (as Kendra has taken to telling everyone she meets!), I'd still be the same sort of parent. So how does having twins make me more special?

Same with being organised. I honestly, down to my deepest inners believe that anyone can be organised. It's a skill like learning to use Excel or Word, and we can all do it.

People don't say, oh this is Marcia and she can use Excel, so why is being organised that special?

(granted, I have called some of my colleagues Excel geniuses, but that's not how I introduce them to others!)

I read a post on a blog recently where the lady's friend died and she said things like, "she was such a great friend; she never let me hide away and she cared deeply for all of us".

Now that's just lovely.

I think it hurts when friends introduce me to others as "she has twins" or "she's so organised" because I think, "wow, I'm all this and that's all that comes to mind? Is there nothing else I am or represent to you that you could have said?"

I turned the tables and asked myself how I would have described the person and I could think of many other ways.

I have had one awesome introduction which I mentioned here before, which was Laura, who said I'm the most intentional person she knows.

That's the kind of thing that thrills and delights me. Thanks again, Laura, I will remember that moment forever!

So where's this going?

I was wondering if there's a way to reinvent yourself?

Clearly if the words people use to describe you aren't floating your boat, you should do something about it.

I was asked to proofread an email at work the other day "because Marcia's the nicest one of us here". I told them, "I'm taking that as a compliment". What they meant to say was that I write diplomatic emails without letting people off the hook. Also, no-one's ever called me nice!

Some nice things by previous bosses of mine - I'm the most passionate person (ha! that's his way of saying I gave him beans!) and that I care deeply for my clients (true!).

How would you like people to describe you?
How would you describe me?

PS D really gets me more than anyone else on earth. So when one of these incidents happen, I ask him the second question above and he says exactly the right thing for which I'm extremely grateful :)
PPS these pics have nothing to do with anything - I think they were our last pics from last year's project 52 and I love them... although I feel cold just looking :)


  1. Hmmm...I have been thinking a lot about the person I am. Especially the person that is projected out into the world.
    This reminds me about a lady I worked with. She was lovely, and she had this uncomfortable habit of introducing people with a blurb. She would not just say...This is Marcia. She would say...this is Marcia and she has twins and is a great cook and she loves to read. You should see her house, it is so organised. She always brings something to dinner. And her kids are so cute....

  2. Gosh Marcia, you really made me think of how I introduce people - I have really up to now never gave a thought. But that's me I guess - a bit of a dofus with social things.

  3. I don't usually blurb. I go more along the lines of, "this is X, my friend...or my cousin...or my colleague". That's about it. They have to unpack that themselves after that.

    1. HA! I love that "unpack it themselves" :)

  4. I'm still busy trying to figure myself out, so I'm not the best at introducing people either. And Marcia you really are nice, and caring, and friendly...and Laura is right with calling you intentional.

  5. I feel like you've been in my head! I'm not just X! I also hate the bit where I'm introduced as the little girl who had twins, as if my size is some prize. I don't know how I would introduce myself, honestly I wouldn't because I love being in the background! Ha! I don't think I go beyond names in introductions, is that weird?

  6. Hi, this is my friend Julia. She's quirky and funny and clever and curious about all the things. Also has a heart too big for her own good. She is also swimmer and a lover of the ocean. And she knits nice things!

    Hi, this my friend Marcia. I met her online. She's very nerdy and into all these cool things like MBTI and podcasts. She is a reader and is super clever. Also. VERY driven, intentional and the BEST twin Mom in the WORLD!

    I don't always go beyond names - I definitely think it depends on who I'm introducing the person to.

  7. My DH introduces me like a blurb. He's sooooo good at it! But sometimes it makes me uncomfortable because I am an introvert and like to check people out before being forced to talk to them! Being introduced like a blurb forces you to talk and answer questions!

    1. He's an extrovert! Maybe that's why I like the little bit of a story.

  8. I also just say hi meet my friend xxx and stop there would only go further if people ask more questions and yes I talk a lot but Clearly not always. A colleague asked me today the ages of another colleague which I knew and I asked her why she would ask me and she said I'm the only one around that cares enough to know those things about other colleagues ( I take that as a compliment or maybe I'm nosey :) )

  9. Now this is very interesting. I actually have never analysed how I introduce people but I think I normally say something along the lines of this is my friend/sister/whatever XX. I love the blurb thing that people have mentioned above but it seems a bit "staged" to me. I'm a big believer of first impressions and if I like the "look" of that person I will explore about them without having to have their "cv" given to me.

    I am always surprised that you connected with me because I think that my first impression on you must have been so aweful the way I ambushed you in that bunny pen at Christopher's party *shameface*



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