Friday, September 02, 2016

Friendship Friday - on hardening your heart

Oh hey, it's September. Some of you like the heat; I like taking photos of pretty flowers :)

How was your August?

Mine was mostly good - I talked about it here.

Now, I want to talk about something that's been brewing for a good few months.

In a nutshell, and some of you know this, I was not one for female friends until the infertility struck. I was friendly but not a sharer/ girly type of person. D's my best friend and I didn't see the need for others.

And then I started making infertile friends and pregnant friends, and mother friends, and before you knew it, I had lots of friends.

And then some stuff happened last year and I lost a friend, and another relationship changed a bit too.

I suppose also the year of enough led me to stop just accepting any kind of behaviour, and firm up on my boundaries because I'm worth more.

As I tell my K often, you are a lovely child with a caring heart, and if so and so doesn't want to play, there are lots of other kids who would love to have a friend like you.

(then I hear myself talking and it seems I'm talking to myself!!!)

But a little side-effect happened. An unintended consequence, if you will.

I started keeping all my friends except just a few at an emotional distance. Because I learned (completely unconsciously) that when you open up and are vulnerable, and you're hurt, self-preservation says to not do that thing again that will hurt you.

In church a few months ago, and I'd get my church notebook but I'm lazy to go downstairs... the pastor spoke about hardening your heart in another context.

There are at least two things going on in church usually - the thing that the pastor is talking about, and other things God's talking to you about. Like a secret :)

And suddenly God was talking to ME about hardening my heart in friend relationships. Whoa!

There's no cute story to tie this all up, but just to put this out there that I'm aware... and while I'm being very careful with my marshmallow heart, I'm trying to keep just a little bit open where I know my heart can be trusted.

Have you hardened your heart because of relationship hurts?

PS the link just above referred to some questions I was going to write about weekly. And then I lost the page with the questions. When I packed up the house, I found my page again so now it's on my desk and I need to write those other blog posts.


  1. All the time. But, I think I've gotten a bit better at accepting that some people are in your life for a season and a reason...and it helps a smidge when dealing with my "I'm not good enough" hurt.

    1. Cassey, I love the word "smidge" so this comment got a big smile from me!

    2. Smidge is a great word :D

  2. I don't like the heat.... And it is just spring :( :(

    Yes to hard heartening but I've also learnt to accept that certain relationships are only for a short while. And best I accept that for my own sanity.

    It does hurt though but it is what it is

    1. oh me neither, and Pta? is for the birds! WAY too hot. Every day I've been there except my very last one, I've returned with a heat headache!

      Accepting things for sanity is probably a good move :)

  3. I am absolutely terrible with opening my heart - sad to say I very seldom do it. And I miss my old friends and I am being a really terrible friend these days because things are just too crazy.

  4. I'm a really terrible friend these days... so I get the hardening your heart thing.

  5. I get it. Completely. That's the cool thing about being an introvert. You don't easily share and it can take YEARS for you to become comfortable enough with someone to share emotional stuff with them. Basically, my heart is naturally hard until I know that I can trust you completely with it. XX

    1. I love your comment! "naturally hard" - I keep smiling when I read that sentence :)


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